Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy.

Anya: You trusting fool. How do you know the other world is any better than this?
Giles: Because it has to be.

Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.

Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes. That's why one slays them.

Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?

Cordelia: I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
Giles: Yes, do bring that up as often as possible.

Giles: I'll bring the weaponry.
Buffy: I'll bring the party mix.

Buffy: Hey, I know! Why don't you kill them?
Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill.
Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log.

Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.

Giles: Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.

Giles: I suspect your mother would want to... put it on the refrigerator.
Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded.
Giles: I've been on the Hellmouth too long, that was metaphorical, yes?
Buffy: Yes.

Giles: They came after me, but I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning?
Giles: I hid.

Giles: This is the SATs, Buffy. Not connect the dots. Please pay attention. A low score can seriously harm your chances of getting into college.
Buffy: Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off.

Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A "bitca"?

Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not "let" her go.

Buffy: I told one lie...I had one drink...
Giles: Yes. And you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "Let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Giles: Might I have a word?
Buffy: Have a sentence even.

Buffy: And, 'Native American.'
Giles: Sorry?
Buffy: We don't say 'Indian.'
Giles: Oh, right. Yes, yes. Always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials.'

Xander: I don't get your crazy system!
Giles: It's called the alphabet.
Xander: Would ya look at that.

Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah, does it ever get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies... and everyone lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

Buffy: I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh."
Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
Willow: No, it can't be. We-- we've done this already.
Giles: It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really.

Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Giles: Oh, please. Spike: Giles, make her stop!
Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.

Giles: But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this.
Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.

Giles: I need you to take Spike for a few days.
Xander: What?
Spike: What?
Anya: What?
Spike: I'm not stayin' with him.
Giles: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone.
Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Giles: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.

Spike: We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.
Giles: We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.