Quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
MAYOR WILKINS
Mayor Wilkins: I have two words that are going to make all your troubles go away. "Miniature." "Golf."
Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that factually that's true.
PRINCIPAL SNYDER
Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal." I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner."
Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking.
Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.
Joyce: Something's gonna eat those babies?
Snyder: I think that is so wrong.
DRUSILLA
Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
Xander: It doesn't say "spare me" by any chance?
Drusilla: How do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn't just start with coffee?
WESLEY
Wesley: The Council's orders are to concentrate on the--
Buffy: Orders. I don't think I'm going to be taking any more orders. Not from you, not from them.
Wesley: You can't turn your back on the Council.
Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing.
OTHERS
Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.
Master: You were destined to die, it was written.
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
Nurse: What are you doing?
Buffy: Breaking into your office and going through your private files.
Ampata: You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that... right before they run away.
Willow: Harmony! I haven't seen you since, since...
Harmony Kendall: Graduation. ...Big snake, huh?
Willow: Yeah.
Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike:No.
Harmony: Can I make him one?
Spike: No. On second thought, yes. Go make him a vampire. Take your time. Get Melanie, and the kids, too.
Jenny: You're here again? You kids really dig the library don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
Buffy: You know, for someone who teaches human behaviour, you might try showing some.
Professor Maggie Walsh: It's not my job to coddle my students.
Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. [walks away]
Professor Maggie Walsh: I like her.
Riley: Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar?
Riley: I thought maybe we could have a little spread. Sandwiches, maybe some ants. Could be fun.
Buffy: We were talking about a picnic?
Riley: Oh... so, was that a conversation I actually had or one I was just practicing?
Buffy: Practicing?
Riley: Okay, yes, I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an oral exam.
Buffy: Boy, that's just what every girl longs to hear.
Riley: Well, you're tricky.
Buffy: Like an exam?
Riley: I never know how you're gonna react to something. That's why I like you so much. You're a mystery. Probably every beautiful girl in the world has some jerk telling her she's a mystery, but... I swear, you really are. There's a lot about you that needs puzzling out. ...I lose you somewhere?
Buffy: Right around "beautiful."
Riley: Say, don't you just love a picnic?
Spike: Should I really trust you?
Adam Walsh: Scout's honor.
Spike: You were a Boy Scout?
Adam Walsh: Parts of me.
Forrest: This is the burden we bear, brother. We have a gig that would inevitably cause any girl living to think we are cool upon cool. Yet, we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene, never to use our unfair advantage. Thank God we're pretty.
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