Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead.

Spike: Who do you have to kill for fun around here?

Spike: So when do we destroy the world, already?

Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Spike: I did a couple of slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag.

Spike: If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move.

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh yeah, you're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Spike: You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to.
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!

Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Can I make him one?
Spike: No. On second thought, yes. Go make him a vampire. Take your time. Get Melanie, and the kids, too.

Spike: The Ring of Amara. Official sponsor of my killing you.

Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Giles: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop!
Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.

Spike: Should I really trust you?
Adam Walsh: Scout's honor.
Spike: You were a Boy Scout?
Adam Walsh: Parts of me.

Spike: What's this? Sittin' around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot? It's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Let's find her! She is the chosen one, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them, for justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!

Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Xander: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Giles: Please don't.

Giles: I need you to take Spike for a few days.
Xander: What?
Spike: What?
Anya: What?
Spike: I'm not stayin' with him.
Giles: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone.
Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Giles: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.

Spike: I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away.
Xander: That's not exactly one of my fantasies, either.

Spike: We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.
Giles: We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.