Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.

Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

Vampire Willow: This world's no fun. Willow: You noticed that, too?

Vampire Willow: Questions? Comments?

[Looking at the vampire version of herself from an alternate reality.]
Willow: That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... and I think I'm kinda gay.

Willow: When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty--or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.

Willow: It's like this dream I had about Xander... except that it wasn't about Xander, it was about someone else; and it wasn't even me, it was a friend of mine and... she doesn't remember it.

Willow : I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow : Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a "meow" before.

Buffy: I just wanna get my life back, you know? Do normal stuff.
Willow: Like date?
Buffy: Well...
Xander: Aw, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut.
[Buffy punches him on the arm]
Xander: Ow.
Buffy: All right... yes, date, and shop and hang out and go to school, and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do *girlie* stuff.

Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too coupley around Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?
Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what?

Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?

Buffy: Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.

Buffy: I can't believe you got into Oxford!
Willow: It's pretty exciting.
Oz: That's some deep academia there.
Buffy: That's where they make Gileses!
Willow: I know! I can learn, and have scones!

Buffy: What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn them?
Willow: I brought marshmallows.

Xander: Willow, did you remember to tape "Biography" last Friday?
Willow: Uh huh.
Buffy: See? I told you... old reliable.
Willow: Oh, thanks.
Buffy: What?
Willow: "Old reliable"? Yeah, there's a sexy nickname.
Buffy: I-I didn't mean it as--
Willow: No, it's fine. I'm "old reliable."
Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow: That's Old Faithful.
Xander: Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot--
Willow: That's Old *Yeller*.
Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me.

Anya: Listen, I have this little project I'm working on, and I heard you were the person to ask if--.
Willow: Yeah, that's me. Reliable dog-geyser-person.

Anya: You know this isn't your world, right? I mean, you know you don't belong here.
Vampire Willow: No. This is a dumb world. On my world, there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.

Vampire Willow: This world's no fun.
Willow: You noticed that, too?

Willow: So, how did it go?
Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked.

Xander: Guess who our commencement speaker is?
Willow: Sigfreid?
Xander: No.
Willow: Roy?
Xander: No.
Willow: One of the tigers?

Willow: This is so frustrating.
Oz: Nothing useful?
Willow: No, it's great. If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here.
Oz: Our lives are different than other people's

Buffy: I went to Angel's last night, and Faith was there. They looked sort of... intimate.
Willow: No way. I know what you're thinking, and no way.
Buffy: You're right. Faith would never do that.
Willow: Faith would *totally* do that. Faith was *built* to do that. She's the *do that* girl.
Buffy: Comfort, remember? Comfort here.
Willow: I mean, please. Does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see...is he breathing?
Buffy: Actually, no.

Xander: Isn't that what they called The Slayer?
Willow: Buffy, ohh scary.
Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.

Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often?
Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun.

Xander: Yep, vampires are real. A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale. Willow'll fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.

Willow: Xander, wanna stay and help me?
Xander: Are you kidding?
Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up.

Buffy: How long do you think that he can stay angry at me anyway?
Willow: The emotional marathon man?

Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow, harsh.

Willow : I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A "bitca"?

Willow : You just don't like him cuz of that time he beat you up everyday for five years.
Xander: Yeah, I'm irrational that way.

Xander: The band, yeah. They're great. They march.
Willow : Like an army. Except with music, instead of bullets, and usually no one dies.

Willow: Harmony! I haven't seen you since, since...
Harmony Kendall: Graduation. ...Big snake, huh?
Willow : Yeah.

Willow: Personal question?
Xander: Yeah, shoot.
Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you -- I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick. I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.