"a little recovered"
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december 11th-13th I am physically unravelling...as in...unwinding from trauma and worry. There has been a TERRIBLE sense of URGENCY. We HAVE to discuss THAT feeling. It drove me to Vancouver AND to the Ramsey house. I've been "OFF THE DEEP END" lately...SO WHAT! Who wouldn't be? At war with the DULLARDS. I KNOW you are there... you'll pull a monster outta me via the ATTRACTION of being UNDERSTOOD. I've been DESPERATELY MISERABLE WITHOUT ALCOHOL... now what are YOU gonna easily blame? My "attitude"? Shaped by the abuse of overreactive, selfish dullards, I just want to be left alone. And since one CAN'T be left alone, not in this petty hacking world, I choose to "broadcast". The dichotomy is I STILL just want to be left alone. We'll come to the "ATTENTION" cliff in Vancouver. Stay with me a few more months. I will "drop you a note". I will "send you a message". As for RIGHT NOW, I am just a little recovered from being OVERROUGHT. Why shouldn't I be? ....(Three jails/ six pods in one month). The Boulder Jail's LT. HAAS says I shall NOT return to the kitchen because I am "inciting" inmates and there are many "potential weapons" in the kitchen where I worked for six months with no problems. If I can't work in the kitchen I CAN'T EARN a single cell. I shall be jostled and exposed to the helacious moods and whims of violent dunces for the remainder of my time. All this because some of YOU dragons in dungeons decided to go interactive and call LT. HAAS with half true reports. But this PROCESS can't be stopped...as HAAS acknowledged yesterday (11th). I am going to EDUCATE you on the CONDITION I was IN when I went to Vancouver. THAT is ultimately what I am writing about. It is only FITTING, I suppose, that some snarling people with enough money for "sheltered decency" will make this into a knock down drag out fight all the way. Last night we had popcorn and watched a bad movie. Every third person
by cell number collects the soda and popcorn for the next two people. The
list the guards put up shows each inmate's IN DATE. So there I was sitting
on the couch talking to a revisiting junkie from last year when some thick
tounged moron sits down and says, "did you know there's a guy in here who's
been here since June 19th 97?"
I'm up against the same wall as in Vancouver, but now I'm buried in some sort of hideous group casket not EVEN covered in lambskin. This is a TEMPORARY COBAIN, not a full suicide. I am doing the swriling manufacturing of my OWN exhausted drug as I unwind but I always have to wonder "what's next". Why do I get "extra, accelerated, supermagnified JAIL?" because I'm wheezing to you under the rain of elbows in the back of my head. Kick me. If you are not committing suicide your duty is to attack. One doesn't giggle when being eaten alive by his greedy complaining backstabbing fellow man. I took the train to Vancouver. The ticket came by mail. Now that I'm stuck on a top bunk in my new cell it reminds me of that miserable compartment I had on Amtrak. I was embarrased to see the faces of the happy young couple across the hall. I'd be so less familiar with the concept of HATE if I could get someplace where I could breathe. Always on high alert. I want to show you how a weed grows from the rocks. I want to say it RIGHT. Is that so bad? In cheaper news: I saw the recent Baird article in the Boulder Planet about Mr. Alvarado of the Boulder Police Department being hired specifically to surf the net. ...the net being a vicious extension of visceral sniping. I heard Alex Boyce...the CU rioter who got the most time of all the others...two years...got a reconsideration and will be out just after Xmas. Good for him, but sure, it exacto knives a few nerves of mine. He threw BOTTLES at the cops. I mock them. I mock them via the Ramsey case..a GREAT example of legal stupidity. That's ALL it is to me. I shoulda dug some mock graves on the front lawn of the R house. One little one for you know who, two standard ones for the murderer and accomplice, and an elephant's grave for justice. Alex Hunter and I, amongst others, could be buried there in a recycled urinal casket. I'd pick a maggot from me nose and fling it on him, Guvnah, I surely would. Bloody right. If I spend an exhausting month "on tour" in various jails, losing priveledges, being beaten, and THEN I say angry things...um...could you explain to me why that would be UNUSUAL? Keep pressing the "loss" button and something happens. Don't some of you TWO FACES WANT me to analyze WHAT HAPPENED while I sit here in jail? ...but you CAN'T take it when it turns out a few people start UNDERSTANDING it; and me. Why weren't my fingerprints on that aluminum mail slot cover? I heard the little door on the INSIDE creeeeeak in the spookiest way as I shoved about 10 biz sized envelopes in there. Where'd dey go? I don't hardly EVER remember dreams but LAST NIGHT I had a clipboard in my hand as I went up Lookout Mountain to "inspect" the Denver TV broadcast towers up there. There was an office; a bored secretary. Even a friend who abandoned me without explanation was there applying for a job. Speaking of Lookout Mountain, some of you will have read about Mr. Tinsley, who was recently captured wandering up there after allegedly murdering his girlfriend ( Ms. Foretich). Have I mentioned he was in the pod in Douglas County when I got attacked? He was the other "white boy" and of course it was either him or me that spat in the shower precipitating the attack. Yeah right. Incidentally, the mental health guy down there, whose name is CHUCK, told me 1) The FBI has concluded "PATSY DID IT" and 2) that Mr. Tinsley was questioned about my beating and confirmed it was crazed racism. I'd only add that Tinsley is quiet and depressed and doesn't say much. What finally happened to the Denver Broncos on sunday SHOULD happen to Patsy Ramsey in February. In other news, I'm only now getting settled enough again to realize that the president is inches away from impeachment. He should pardon the Ramseys in exchange for enough money to buy his way out of HIS CASE. He could make the public SWALLOW the deal by pointing out that the Ramseys are decent people not likely to make this sort of mistake again. current | 1999 | 1998 | colfax diaries |