"feeling of doom/lack of concentration"

december 15th I got a response from my "kite" about getting my kitchen job/ single cell back today. A TOTAL SLAP IN THE FACE. SO..... I got on the phone to TWO media outlets with the Roxanne Bailin/ security lapse tip. THIS IS THE WAY IT WORKS. For me, that's the way it works in this hopeless struggling life. Yes, feeling under attack and uncertain, again. So they thinkthey've done me a FAVOR by causing me a month of maximum stress, a vicious beating, lack of mail, lack of visits, and permanent lack of privacy. I "should be HAPPY." Happy to see official screws turning. Happy to live in more stress and uncertainty than the next guy. Happy to see  CERTAIN trouble ahead. I'll never get out on June 25th. I can SEE that. One BAD rotten cellie can destroy that with a fight. If and WHEN a stopwatch is CLICKED and my goodtime stops accumulating I will just hopelessly lay down and wait to be thrown out. But I'll STILL write everyday. What ELSE can I say when I'm forced to concentrate on this cheap official human kevetching. J.T.Colfax [email protected]   current | 1999 | 1998 | colfax diaries