"benet means "simpleton" in french"
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january 19th
What a night. Detoxing from frothy blooded hatred. Shaken up. Now settlingdown.
Yesterday, see, I was down by "PROGRAMS" doing some moppin, see, when I come across LT. BLACK, see, and I got him to move me to MEDIUM B, see. Technically it's a step back, but since everything here is done bass akwards, it's MUCH better over here. One problem, though, is the goodtime doesnt rain down at the same level here. In GPOP (where I was) one gets one day off for every 3 days. Here in medium B, one gets 1 for 5.However, there are several people here quietly still getting the higher trusty goodtime. I don't know which I'll get, but I was about to EXPLODE in the sitauatiom I was in, which would have resulted in a much higher loss of goodtime. The diabetic cellie bailed out of GPOP to here too right after I did. I thought he hated me but I guess he's just grumpy and shy. He sits at my table in the chow hall. He was still over there last night and says the dice throwing was worse than ever and that people in ALL the surrounding cells are getting riled up by the rudeness of our former neighbors. Dull, but you've got to KNOW that's all it takes to disturb dozens of people. One hateful friendship. I could be in jail an extra three weeks because of it...and before they're through so could others lose good time. Easily. So send more people off for "overcrowding" and pay well for the service rather than CRACKDOWN on the tough guy act. Sickening. I'm going back in the productive day work program starting tomorrow. Hopefully I'll soon stop hearing about the bags under my eyes. Dice. A game of chance. I hear they no longer sell baby oil in prison, see, cuz you could put a big slosh of it in yer coffee maker and let it heat up GOOD. Then you could throw it in a petulant face and listen to the AGONY. "Benet" in French means "Simpleton/ "sap"/ "stupid"/ "simple". I am so relieved due to this move. I'll have a room of my own in 3 or 4 weeks. I had to WRENCH the possibility of smoother sailing out of this wretched world. My "chemise" is now blue, not white. I am a person whose shirt color indicates he makes 25 cents an hour. A guy from Gilpin is over here. We whisper vicious bon mots. He said, "faites comme chez vous"...or, rather, "make yourself at home". Let's finish this up. JT Colfax
POSTING SUDDENLY CONTINUED.... Recieved first pile of webscripts in ONE MONTH. Was so FRUSTURATED because I only skeletally knew Lance had contacted Pam Paugh...and now I see he called Patsy and was hung up on. You MUST ALL KNOW that I sit and spin, not knowing a lot of this til WAY LATER. So I do my own thing. But my foot is shaking 100mph with happiness at FINALLY hearing your written "voices" again. AND on a day when I have dropped a LOAD of General Population stress. I can SEE the mountains from this side of the jail...and I know it was warm enough today for guards to stand in shirtsleeves and smoke outside. I feel closer to the end of this ordeal than I have for 2 months. terrible exhaustion was BREWING where I was, etc, etc. I have ripped thru the small town phone book sized pile of web stuff and glossed over much that I must return to. So glad to see a few people like Mrs. B and others say things that imply they'll keep reading even if I'm not writing "there once was a Ramsey from Nantucket" ALL DAY. There's been a bit to spare in the "interactive" dept. I seriously mean to say sometimes doing this is a BAD thing. A very lonely thing. I hope it's worth it in the end. I'm attempting more and more to portray an ATTITUDE and bottom line realization of hopelessness that is gonna get harder to take. I know most of you probably can't stomach such notions as "YOU (society) OWE me." But wait till you see from where it all springs; pot bubbling and gurgling in Vancouver. And it's no GIANT thing either....it's pathetic, sad logic. It is what happens. I see what happens as I go along. Unable to stop the slide. Always scrambling to the next precipice. "I want to tell you." LFlowers is smart and has ventured a guess as to the "climax". Time for us all to hear in our minds that old queer song, "Is that all there is". There's MORE. I shall turn these lemons into lemonade....and then I'll turn the lemonade into urine and then I'll throw the pitcher of lemonade into someone's face, and so on. Magic. I'll scan the scripts too and make comments in the days to come. Who was it that tried for 45 minutes to get thru to WROW show and then sizzles about me wanting ATTENTION?... Most distasteful. current | 1999 | 1998 | colfax diaries |