"the toothbrush incident"
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april 16, 18, 19th
I have decided.
I must drill a tunnel under a cemetery fence in lieu of having a loving,nurturing
CULT. Oh,yes, I must bring my tunnel up into a crypt that SHANT be opened
again. So in this way,I might get back and forth to 7/11. How can I get
internet access there? And there's the problem of a conspicuous TV antennae
on the roof. (And someone from a prominent mortuary might come and yank
me in my fitful sleep). But once I solve these problems I can write a "cemetery
self sufficiency" brochure. I wrote to 6 businesses in small Colorado
towns like SEDLA and ELIZABETH about last Wednesday's jail briefing on
Ramsey case. I want YOU net nutz to do likewise.But you cant rip selves
from screen.
Did I ever tell you the empty ridicule of my funeral director's
apprenticeship in Texas?
Long about once a week or month I'd have to send in a running LOG du
my work at Max Martinez Funeral Home in San Antonio to the State Board
Du Morticians in Austin.And so there were little slots to fill in...even
to note about arranging arriving flowers round a casket. Slots about dressing
Corpsey (one NEVER hears the CUTE word "undertaker" in the biz), preparing
pallbearers,embalming,zany photography (just seeing if you are awake,my
90 dear regulars).And I'd have to get these papers signed by Max or Lucy
Martinez every so and so.Well, along comes the time when I must do my personal
interview with some designated funeral biz. egghead.Les egghead that fate
matched me up with was a professor at TRINITY UNIVERSITY.So I takes an
unpaid afternoon off to swelter my way out there on the bus...I was making
all of 4.50 an hour! And when I gets there the flustered secretary affects
to show a sorrowful face whilst announcing a mix up.Les professor
is at home. So she gets him on the blower,see, and then she installs me
in his empty little office,see,and she presses the right buttons to put
him like disembodied on les speaker phone. And so we go through this CHARADE
of a personal interview with me blithely saying the indicated RIGHT things.
Sitting in his office looking around is the first I ever saw documentation
about sending cremains into the universal skies.Anyway,I was able to glug
glug glug early that day. I left his office, an eye roller in an ancient
fraternity.
WHAT ELSE?
The weekend progressed so strangely. And so very Ramsey. On Friday night
just after the video movie ended and the jail's TV's (givers of life) were
switched back to broadcast we saw in the midst of anarchy it seems...a
huge car wreck off in the distance outside the jail, emergency lights a
flashin,idiots stubbornly vacuuming up the massive popcorn mess early in
the pod...but...through all this...we saw a report on Channel 7 about a
"bizarre" letter between the Ramsey camp and the DA. An offer to surrender
rather than have back door kicked in at 4:00 am.How nice.The tea leaves,the
tea leaves. I know you net nutz know all about it...besides, it was in
the papers the next day. A general jolt in Ramseyrama caused a couple hundred
extra people to see and ENVISION the yanketa spanketa corpse/dick abuse
story that wwas posted here not long ago. I keep meaning to write the sanctomonious
Colorado Funeral Director's ASS and let them know what doth spew forth
just lately. "Memories....like the corpses of my mind". Yessy,yes yes.
Also on Friday night there was a TOOTHBRUSH INCIDENT over in the women's
module. Let me tell you all about it.You can pretend I'm in a straitjacket
and droolin if you like, whilst I whisper this:
"there is a house in New Orleans, but we dont care about that. Oh,no.
We are in the mists and fogs of "THE TOOTHBRUSH INCIDENT". This incident
involves only ONE disturbed young lady.And...to think...this individual
COULD be PAtsy's neighbor and confidant SOON! See THIS, if you will: a
stoopid,stoopid stubborn girl keeps telling the guard she's constipated.
Complains the nurse wont be givin nuttin good. Floppin here,floppin there,settling
grumpily in a chair. This genius goes to her cell and proceeds to (in the
fashion of a butter knife up ketchup bottle) HELP HERSELF get les GOO out.
Then the lunatique little darling makes a pageant out of her walk up to
the officer,proclaiming about the need for a new toothbrush whilst shamelessly
holding out the defiled one for exchange. Priceless, is it not?
If Patsy had been in attendance...if Patsy had been a bubblin,gurglin
lava lamp of ATTENTION, perhaps our constipated hero would have SHOWED
HER. And Patsy could have waved her hands about, and blinked her eyes ever
so much.ALL IN GOOD TIME.
MORE: there's a guy with only a FEW rotten teeth here, a tough "normal"
Joe,see.He turns the TV to baseball adamantly,see, and he used to drink
with BUD HENDERSON (of 118,000 fame) at the American Legion,see. LASTLY:
a fight in "inmate workers" pod in Bldg.C, delayed our dinner Saturday.A
fight in the pod woke me up early Sunday.
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