You didn't know it was so hard to be a cat, did you? These are
just a few of
The Rules Cats Live By:
1) Cats must attack the other cat when its head is sticking out of the
litter box.
2) Cats must balance their 25 pound body on their human's full bladder.
3) Cats must attack the answering machine and purr all over it.
4) Cats must chew on the antennae of the cordless phone.
5) Cats must attack incoming faxes and chew them so that the humans
can't read them.
6) Cats must walk on the button of the answering machine and erase all important
messages.
7) Cats must act as if being tortured when being flea-powdered or getting
toe-nails clipped.
8) Cats must act like they are dying of hunger in front of company.
9) Cats must chew holes in the bags of clean kitty litter and spread it
on the floor.
10) Cats must attack their human's shoelaces when she is tying them.
11) Cats must use litter box immediately after it has been cleaned.
12) Cats must activate "the paw" when there is food within snagging
distance.
13) Cats must attack mom's ear just because she put them on a diet.
14) Cats must barf up hairballs on their mom's computer keyboard.
15) Cats must ask to be (fed/petted/let out) when the humans are making
whoopee.
16) Cats must bite their human's feet when she is using the computer.
17) Cats must catch and eat lizards.
18) Cats must catch mice to give to the dog to eat.
19) Cats must charge themselves with static electricity and zap their sleeping
Dad at 2 am
20) Cats must bring live snakes into the house.
21) Cats must call Mom's mother-in-law long distance at 2 a.m.
22) Cats must chase the humans while they are carrying a full laundry basket.
23) Cats must chase the other invisible cats across Dad's belly and groin.
24) Cats must claim the cream cheese and lox bagel on the kitchen table
as their own.
25) Cats must claw a hole in the sofa/box spring to make a nest.
26) Cats must cuddle mom's dress shoes and drool in them.
27) Cats must climb on top of the fridge and knock the magnets off the front.
28) Cats must climb into their Daddy's dropped briefs while he is sitting
on the toilet.
29) Cats must climb their human's leg to get tuna fish or pancakes.
30) Cats must climb the wallpaper in their human's new house.
31) Cats must cling to the outside of the screen door at eye level howling.
32) Cats must crawl into open suitcase to help Mom pack.
33) Cats must drag dirty socks out of the laundry basket and bury them in
the litter box.
34) Cats must commence biting their human's toes when she exits the shower.
35) Cats must crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes.
36) Cats must howl for no reason when their humans are in the other room.
37) Cats must howl for no reason in the middle of the night.
As if that weren't enough! Here's a second set of Rules:
1) Cats must faithfully chase the cursor around the screen.
2) Cats must fall asleep on Mom's back or chest.
3) Cats must bite their sister's butt until she hisses.
4) Cats must play with mom's jewelry and hide her favorite necklace where
she'll never find it.
5) Cats must chew the buttons off mom's bathrobe.
6) Cats must drag Mom's knitting around the house, unravelling it in the
process.
7) Cats must drag the apple peels out of the garbage to play with them.
8) Cats must drag their butt on the carpet after exiting the litter box.
9) Cats must drink the bathwater while their human is taking a bath.
10) Cats must drool in their sleeping human's ear.
11) Cats must eat all of mom's plants and then barf them up while Mom is
not home.
12) Cats must eat all random things they find on the floor.
13) Cats must eat all the baby's breath out of mom's birthday bouquet.
14) Cats must eat fine Swedish tapers like they're candy canes.
15) Cats must eat mom's make up.
16) Cats must eat styrofoam meat trays and then barf up white bingies.
17) Cats must walk across the keyboard and erase mom's work before she's
saved it.
18) Cats must sit on the lap of the person who is most allergic to or afraid
of cats.
19) Cats must spend hours scratching in the litterbox while their humans
are trying to sleep.
20) Cats must fart in front of mom's friends. Nobody ever believes it is
the cat.
21) Cats must groom Daddy at 2 am.
22) Cats must groom the back of mom's neck.
23) Cats must groom their private parts in front of company.
24) Cats must growl and hiss at the German Shepherd next door causing himto
pee.
25) Cats must gulp down their dinner at lightning speed, and then barf it
up.
26) Cats must hack up a *huge* hairball on mom's brand-new futon.
27) Cats must have one of the freshly-baked cookies cooling on the table.
28) Cats must have urine wars with the new cat in the house on the kitchen
counter.
29) Cats must head butt the control pad/joystick when the human is 10 seconds
away from winning.
30) Cats must help Mom with the jigsaw puzzles.
31) Cats must sit on mom's lap right when she was planning to get up