Reasons to Vote
for George W.
Bush
1.) Because he reminds you of all those compassionate, intelligent,
thoughtful frat boys you knew in college.
2.) Because he reminds you of all those cool rich kids who never had to
earn anything for themselves but had everything given to them by their rich
daddy, and then proceeded to recklessly squander every penny of it.
3.) Because he has that wonderfully endearing sneer. He'll show Saddam who's
the boss, big time.
4.) Because he loses his temper so easily that we will often get to see
him act like a petulant child who didn't get what he wanted for Christmas.
5.) Because everything he knows about foreign policy was written for him
by Dick Cheney.
6.) Because he can't understand his own tax plan.
7.) Because he wants to waste our hard earned budget surplus by giving his
dads buddies a hundreds of billions in tax cuts.
8.) Because he cares so much about the environment that Texas ranks as one
of the worst polluters in the country and Houston is the #1 smoggiest city
in America.
9.) Because he cares so much about health care that Texas ranks last in
families with health insurance, and second to last in the number of children
with health coverage.
10.) Because he spent 10 years trying to be a big shot oil speculator and
completely failed losing millions of his dad's cronies money in the process.
11.) Because he is going to open up the Alaska Wildlife Preserve so his
daddy's buddies can drill for oil to pay them back for all the millions
of their money he lost during the ten years he spent trying to be a big
shot oil speculator.
12.) Because he doesn't think we really know what causes Ozone depletion,
and so we shouldn't pass any crazy laws against emissions which might effect
the profits of all his good buddies in Industry.
13.) Because the only real job he had until he was 40 was President of the
Texas Rangers baseball team, which he was given by his daddy's buddies because
his dad was president at the time and he obviously was a miserable failure
in the oil business.
14.) Because he's so cute when he makes all those mistakes trying to
speak English; Hey, I makes mistakes too, right!?
15.) Because he reminds you of the guy you saw on Jenny Jones who abused
both his wife and girlfriend, but was still kind of cute.
16.) Because he reminds you of your boss, who is completely inept and enjoys
a little harmless sexual harassment now and then, but who is really fun
when he's drunk at the company picnic.
17.) Because he's so concerned about education he asked the probing question,
" Is our children being educated?"
18.) Because our economy is now driven by technology and we don't need some
"smart guy" like Al Gore in there who might be the most tech
savvy politician in America, but is kind of stiff, and thinks he's so damn
"smart".
19.) Because his dad used to be the head of the CIA.
20.) Because we really need a change from these peaceful, prosperous times;
and he's just the guy change it!
November 2000