But, Lord, I'm A Southern Baptist

A Glimmer Of Hope

The first 25 days of my fast, I woke up each morning with an expectation that God was going to do SOMETHING in my life. But when I got up on Sunday morning, January 26, and I still hadn�t heard from God, that expectation was gone. For whatever reason, God had chosen not to speak to me. As I put my feet on the floor and sat on the edge of my bed, with my face in my hands, I knew I could not go any further. At that moment, I decided to leave the ministry when my 40 days of fasting were complete. I�ve always been a man of my word, so I was going to fulfill my promise to the Lord to finish my fast. I�d made up my mind that if I was not going to hear from God, then I would just walk away from the pulpit and live a "normal" life.

As I walked to the church through the cold morning air, I thought, "TWO WEEKS FORM TODAY I CAN RETIRE FROM THIS!" There was almost a peace that settled over me. I knew the struggle would be over, but at the same time, my heart was filled with sadness. Depression crept in; I felt like a failure.

When I entered the building I thought, "IN TWO WEEKS I�M GOING TO WALK INTO THAT PULPIT FOR THE LAST TIME. I WILL RESIGN FROM BOTH THIS CHURCH AND THE MINISTRY. I�M GOING TO ASK THE PEOPLE TO STAND AND PRAY WITH ME, AND WHEN THEY CLOSE THEIR EYES I�M GOING TO WALK OUT THE BACK DOOR WITHOUT A WORD." This was the depth of my despair.

As I sat in my office early that morning, I had two voices speaking to me. One was saying, "SOON YOU�RE GOING TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE! NO MORE EMERGENCY PHONE CALLS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, NO MORE PEOPLE TELLING YOU HOW MUCH THEY NEED SOMETHING, NO MORE POWERLESS SERMONS TO PREACH." And the other voice reminded me, "BILL, YOU�RE A FAILURE. YOU FAILED AT WHAT GOD CALLED YOU TO DO. YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF."

I walked to the pulpit thinking, "I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD END THIS WAY." I was very depressed, and I�m sure that was reflected in my sermon. It was dry and uninspired. After the service, as I was greeting the people, a couple approached me. We exchanged pleasantries, and then they invited me to visit a revival service at their home church in Bolivar, Missouri. The church, First Assembly of God, had been in revival for four weeks.

I was amazed! We NEVER had four-week revivals at the Baptist churches where I had ministered. We were fortunate to have four-DAY revivals. As this couple began to share with me about their church, a light switched on in my mind. A glimmer of hope burned a small hole through the cloud of complacency and depression that had engulfed me. "SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE GOING ON IN BOLIVAR. IF A CHURCH CAN HAVE A REVIVAL FOR FOUR WEEKS, IT MUST BE GOD!"

I went to the revival service the following Tuesday, January 28. Anticipation, curiosity, and fear filled my thoughts as my associate pastor and I made the 30-minute drive north to Bolivar. I had no idea what to expect.

The apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 3:20 that God "IS ABLE TO DO IMMEASURABLY MORE THAN ALL WE ASK OR IMAGINE." I did not ask for what I was about to experience at this Assemblies of God church in Bolivar, Missouri. And I certainly never could have imagined the transformation that would soon take place in my life.