But, Lord, I'm A Southern Baptist

Breakthrough

Pastor Robinson was right. I WAS being disobedient. I was focusing entirely on my own desperation rather than on God, and I was reluctant to surrender to Him. Nothing yet had happened to me at the altar, and I began to think that God was not going to touch me. "GOD MUST BE DONE WITH ME," I said to myself.

As I stood contemplating Pastor Robinson�s question, the Lord spoke these words to me: "THIS IS NOT THE END, BILL. THIS IS NOT THE END OF YOUR MINISTRY." I was then taken back to 1984 when God called me to preach. I realized that God called me unconditionally that day. It was His desire to use me. God was now telling me that He hadn�t forgotten me; He hadn�t given up on me!

So I nodded my head to the pastor, acknowledging that I heard what he said and that I agreed with him. He then exhorted me to raise my hands and close my eyes. As I did, he gently touched my forehead and began to pray.

I heard his first few words, and then, in an instant, I WAS STANDING IN A DENSE, WHITE FOG. It was all around me and I could not see through it. The room was no longer visible. I honestly don�t know if my eyes were open or closed.

I could feel a numbing sensation grip my skin. It was a very physical experience. This wasn�t something that just happened out of emotional overload. I could see and feel these sensations! The fog was EVERYWHERE. The depth of the fog was infinite; it seemed to stretch to eternity. It was glorious.

The fog was pulsating with an intense love�the love of God. Because the love was so wonderful and deep, it seemed I would not be able to stand in it for long. It was so intense, it almost hurt!

As the feeling of numbness consumed my physical body, and overwhelming sensation of peace came over me. A peace that reached to the bottom of my soul. Indeed, a peace that passed all understanding. Words cannot accurately describe it. For the first time in a long, long time, I felt like I was able to stand in the presence of God and be accepted.

In the past I had taught others about God�s love and how to accept that love, but now it was no longer a theological concept. I KNEW that God love me like I had never known it before. I FELT His love deep in my heart, and I began to weep again. "HOW COULD GOD LOVE ME THIS MUCH? AS WICKED AND AWFUL AND UGLY AS I HAD BEEN, HOW COULD HE STILL FIND IT IN HIS HEART TO LOVE ME?" This pained me immensely for a moment, but despite the pain, there was still peace. In fact, the numbing sensation intensified. I PHYSICALLY experienced a feeling of being lifted up and laid down inside the fog. I was floating!

I felt the carpet lightly touch my face, but I was not aware of anything else around me. I floated in this incredible fog of peace and love for a few moments. Then, as quickly as it had come, the fog lifted. The numbing sensation disappeared, and I came to a consciousness of what was going on around me. I found myself lying on the floor, with my face tilted awkwardly onto the first step of the platform. My hands were behind my back, in a position of surrender. God had gloriously apprehended me.