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Stories and Poems

Are There People in Bell Bottoms?


In my seventh grade Latin-American Studies class, I was getting ready to show the students a filmstrip on the Maya Indians. I explained that the Mayas were important form about 300 to 900 A.D.; consequently, there would be no actual pictures of these people. The filmstrip would just be many different illustrations that some artist had depicted. I thought I had explained the content well enough, but when I had finished, a hand shot up and a you girl asked, "Mr. Larsen, how old is this film anyway? Are we going to see people in 'bell bottoms'?

Today

When I go mad and hit my child

"for his own good" I reconciled

and then I realized my flight

today I taught my child to fight

When interfused by the phone

I said "tell them I'm not home".

And then thought and had to sigh

Today I taught my child to lie.

I told the tax man what I made,

forgetting cash that I was paid.

And then I blushed at this sad feat,

Today I taught my child to cheat.

I smugly copied a cassette

to keep me form one more debt.

But now the bells of shame must peal,

Today I taught my child to steal.

Today I cursed another race

Oh God protect what I deface

for now I fear it is too late

Today I taught my child to hate.

By my example children learn

that I must lead in life's sojourn.

In such a way that they are led

by what is done, not what is said,

Today I gave my child his due

by praises for him instead of rue.

Now I have begun n my guide

Today I gave my child his pride.

I now have reconciled and paid

to the IRS on all I made.

And now I know that his dear youth

Today has learned form me of truth.

The alms I give are not for show

yet this child must surely know

that charity is worth the price

Today he saw my sacrifice.

I clasp within a warm embrace

my neighbor of another race

the great commandment from above

Today I taught my child to love.

Someday my child must face alone

this world of tearsome undertone

but I have blazed a sure pathway

Today I taught my child to pray.


Gordy and the Hard-boiled Eggs.

     Back in the late sixties there were several movies that we had just had
to attend.  One of these was "Cool Hand Luke."  It was a movie starring Paul
Newman as a down and out drifter.  He got drunk one night and cut the  tops 
off a large number of parking meters.  He was caught and sentenced to spend 
time in a typical southern prison camp.  You know the kind where all the 
guards wore mirrored sun glasses and carried shot guns. To get to the important
part of the movie there was a scene where Luke bets the other inmates that he
can eat 50 hard-boiled eggs in one hour.  In the movie he was able to eat all
fifty.
     Gordy was a wealthy kid attending college just to have a good time.  He 
had then a new 1967 Camaro.  One day he decided to take the expensive headers
off the car and put on duel exhausts because he was "tired of the sound of 
the headers."
     One day not long after a bunch of us had seen the movie "Cool Hand Luke"
Gordy was in the kitchen boiling a bunch of eggs.  He probably had about a 
dozen eggs in the pan.  Just before he was about ready to sit down to eat them,
Nalder came in and said,
    "You can't eat all those eggs!"  
     Gordy replied "Not only can I eat these eggs but I can eat two dozen more."
     Nalder said "I'll bet you $20 that you can't."
     Well that was all that needed to be said.  A bet was on throughout the
fraternity house.  Most of the brothers believed Gordy could not eat that many
eggs.  It was agreed that Friday Gordy would eat three dozen eggs in one hour.
     When Friday afternoon was finally  here about twenty of the brothers 
gathered in the living room in anticipation of this great event.  The eggs
were boiled and the stage was set.  Gordy came down the stairs dressed in a
powder blue bath robe dancing around like a prize fighter before a boxing match.
He had chosen Mac to be his second, the plan was that Mac would peel the eggs 
and encourage Gordy on to victory.
    When the contest began Gordy was sitting on the floor eating eggs as fast as
he could. I thought that maybe I had been wrong and perhaps he could really win 
the bet. The first dozen or so eggs when down real fast, then things really 
slowed down.  After about two dozen eggs Gordy started to look a little strange.
He was really laboring to get each egg down.  His eyes started to glaze over and
perspiration appeared on his face.  Mac kept saying,
    "You can do it Gordy, keep chewing."
    Everyone was cheering, laughing and yelling encouragement simultaneously.
But the eating was going slower and slower.  Gordy had consumed 32 eggs with 
just four more to go.  Then the show really started.  Gordy's eyes rolled back
into his head and he started regurgitating the eggs back up.  Luckily there was
a big old wash pan that had been used to hold eggs and their shells right in 
front of Gordy. Now the pukey eggs did not come up in spirts but in one steady
stream of yellow, runny, and disgusting slurry.  The pan was beginning to fill
but it fortunately was big enough to hold it all. Of course that didn't matter
because about 80% of the brothers had run to a window so that they would not up 
chuck on the living room carpet.  Once Gordy had finished his performance he just
laid there on the floor moaning. Between moans he swore that he would never eat
another hard-boiled egg in his life.  I have not seen Gordy for almost thirty 
years but I'll bet he has kept his oath.

I Don't Want Hot Lunch

When my oldest son Pete was about to enter first grade I took him to school to show him around. We walked past the various classrooms, the library, and then the cafeteria. When we looked in the cafeteria, I told him he would be eating hot lunch there. Pete said, "I don't want hot lunch," Lunch would be ok but not hot lunch.

I started to think why Pete wouldn't want any hot lunch, then it dawned on me what the problem was. When our children were small, we had always warned them not to touch hot things so that they would not get burned. Well we had taught Pete too well, he thought that anything hot could not be good for him.

I guess I should have chosen my words better before I mentioned hot lunch. I was using a term from my elementary days when school lunch was called hot lunch. If I have my facts straight, schools didn't provide a cooked lunch for students until after World War II. Before this time students brought cold lunches from home to eat or even went home for lunch. When I was in elementary school during the late fifties the term hot lunch was still in use and I never quite using it.

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