Christmas Time 1999

This Poem I wrote in a time out and sorting through my feelings and needs.
Tina's behaviors, testing and my feelings had made me hurt.
I had to take time to find what were my responsibilities and what was Tina's.
This poem was a result of that time.

Come here and Sit On My Knee



If momma had the power to turn back the hands of time
She'd help you figure out all the things you need to see and find
If I had the power to change your past with one a tick
Maybe I could wave the magic wand for you to be fixed
Unfortunately my hands are tied
Momma has thought a lot about this and cried.
My child, only hard work, time, and change
Can heal your all your hurts and all of your pains
You'll then find that stuff in your eyes called rain
Can keep you from all the blames
Thus pushing your heart and soul to become sane
Hopefully someday you will deal with your past
When you do it will hurt, yet the pain won't last
Until then momma has to let you bump and skin your knee's
While Momma sets still and lets you be
Only then will you become happy and free
In learning how to trust you'll feel many betrayals
Your heart will bust as you kick your heals
I don't have the power to give you your fantasies or dreams
Momma can't go back in time and change anything
Until then I'll continue to love you as you find your own identity
And momma wants you to know she loves you deeply
As I run my fingers through your hair and tell you yes life is unfair
That life is about learning to trust yourself.
That is where you'll find truth and love. hope and wealth
Momma doesn't have the power to help you see.
You alone have to come to believe
Then will you laugh, dance, and sing
Life is about taking your head out from under the covers
Then you will see the peace doves above that hover
My sweet sweet child, real love has many faces
Some feel good; some take you to other places
My child, I am sad I wasn't there for you those first years
Both of us know the heartache, tears and fears
Both of us have cried, both felt sad in those years
Momma knows the pains of growing up and becoming whole
Momma knows all about those big holes in our souls
Sometimes my words will be rough
Sometimes you may think I am too tough
Instead of always holding you and making you safe
Momma may take flight and move from your site.
You have chosen to do it your way. And you have that right
My little one, loud voices do not mean I don't love you or care.
It's your behaviors and testings that become the bear.
It is hard and frustrating to hear your pains
And to know how helpless I am in finding your solution
It is hard to sit by and listen to the excuses
The time has come for you to love yourself.
I cannot hand it to you from a shelf.
Recovery is searching and self-made
Reach out and grab it the darkness will fade.
This love is just not about you or just about me.
This love is about both of us becoming free.
In this journey it's hard to give up the old.
It is hard to step out, take risks and become bold
In this process remember momma loves you and will be at your side
Yet you have to do the hard work that recovery requires.

With all my love
Momma

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