Across The USA by Dodge

Chapter 23

Some American observations:

I'm not an ice cream buff but "Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream" is great. One flavour I particularly enjoyed was called Chunky Monkey which was banana flavoured with chunks of chocolate and walnuts. You may have heard the brand mentioned in movies from time to time and I think the ice cream brothers in "City Slickers" were probably based on Ben and Jerry. (They are real people by the way.)

Everyone (well, anyone that counts) has personalised number plates on their car, especially in California. I jotted down a few I saw there, such as:

BR EYES	Driven by a good looking woman in a red corvette
SKIMEUP	A Star Trek fan who likes skiing?
BAFFLE	I'm puzzled as to the meaning of that one.
MRS SCAM	No secrets there.
NERD MGR	He's honest, I suppose.
WLWK4FD	That stands for "Will Work For Food" -- very tacky as it was on a Porsche 911
4 FURKS	What?
XCELNCE	When only the best will do. Another Porsche,
KUHNDOG	Owned by a nostalgic good ole boy?
SADLUP	Would sooner be on a horse.
KNEES	Huh?
OUR IOU	Fairly obvious
INDAIR	On one of those monster trucks, quite clever.

Number plate holders (frames) with messages are also hugely popular, espousing such things as "Done with men's shit" or "I'm wicked". In Australia you just see them advertising the dealer where you bought your car. Then there's the bumper stickers like " My son/daughter was pupil of the month at such as such school" or "Whirled Peas" which was my favourite.

They don't speak English in California -- there's a language called "Californese". (OK, I admit it, that's not original, I stole that term from Robin Williams.) However it's true as every sentence spoken by a Californian contains one of the following words: "totally" (pronounced toadally), "fer sure", "excellent", "gnarly" or "dude". It's like every person is trapped in a Bill and Ted movie.

I became hooked on a soft drink called Dr Pepper, the taste of which is hard to describe but it's something like a cross between coke and sarsaparilla. I've only just gotten over the withdrawal symptoms of not being able to drink it back here. On the other hand, one drink I thoroughly hated was called Yoo-Hoo. I'd heard it mentioned on an episode of "The Wonder Years" once so I tried it. Yuck! It's an imitation chocolate milk in a soft drink can. They don't have Fanta in the States but there's something similar called Orange Crush, made famous by REM. I've since discovered that you can buy Orange Crush in Australia.

Dateline March 1996: I was in Sydney and happened across a Schweppes promotion which was giving out free samples of new drink flavours -- including -- Tah-dah -- Dr Pepper. Unfortunately you can't buy it in supermarkets just takeaway places. Even worse news it's not for sale in the Central West.
I bought a dozen cans and got re-hooked.

Americans also love iced-tea. I'd never tasted it before I went there but saw so many signs selling it I decided to try it and was suitably impressed.
Since returning to Australia Iced-tea has become available but hasn't really caught on. Such brands as Snapple, Liptonice, Brisk and others.
Snapple is a Seinfeld prop and I bought it by the caseful -- about the only person in Orange to but it I'd guess as it's no longer on sale in any of the supermarkets.

Some American words I found amusing included:

Looky-loos	What we call sticky-beaks. They get a lot of looky-loos when there's an accident on the freeway and they cause massive traffic jams.
Guys	Everyone (even girls) is called guy as in "Hurry up you guys" or "where are you guys going?"
Big Old	As in "look at that big old dog" or "look at that big old cockroach". Size and age have no particular relevance.

The language is quite amazing. Most Australians know about "faucets", "sidewalks", the "trunk" of a car etc. but Americans seem to have no knowledge of foreign terms and they appear to be very insular. Nothing exists that isn't red white and blue.
I was talking to one guy and mentioned "petrol", forgetting at the moment that I should have been saying "gas". He had no idea what I was talking about! Surely they've heard of petroleum.

A few times when I bought something I said "ta" instead of "thanks". That had them really confused.
"What did you say?"
"Oh, I said thanks."
"No, that other word you used."
"Ta."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"It means thanks in Australia."
"Really, how cute."

Gas stations are fairly confusing, especially for a traveller from another country! Every one is different although just about all are self-serve. There are a few where there's driveway service but you pay extra. In the large cities (LA for instance) you have to pay for the gas before you put it in your car -- you give them a $20 note, pump the gas and they give you your change -- while in the rural areas or where the crime rate isn't too high it's the same as Australia, fill your car then pay.

Then there's the pumps themselves. Some have to be activated by the cashier in their bulletproof booths, others are started by pushing a button, pulling a lever down, pulling a lever up, pushing a lever in, pulling a lever out and so on. They certainly kept you guessing.

When telling the time people say 49 minutes past one rather than 11 minutes to two.

They have talking beer cans. Honest! You pull the ring tab and the can tells you if you won a prize! "Sorry, try again" or "Congratulations, you just won a million cans of Coors."

Big Gulp drinks (as featured in Leisure Suit Larry II) actually exist. You can buy them at 7-11, the ultimate 24 hour convenience store.

Sunday newspapers are colossal -- you just about need a forklift to take them home and that's only a slight exaggeration -- a couple are probably five inches thick, filled with a myriad of sections including sports, television listings (and with 50+ channels that takes some space), advertisements and food coupons (and maybe even news, but I'm not real sure.) Coupons are real popular -- you get a thousand coupons that you take to the supermarket so you can save two cents on a packet of cornflakes or one cent off a twinkie.

Some Yanks are dumb! I was talking to one guy and after a while he caught on that I wasn't American.
"Hey man, where's that accent from?"
"Australia."
"Oh, you speak good English. What language do you talk down in Australia? Is it German or French?"
I just stood there in stunned disbelief.

One of my friends who went there a few years ago told me a story. Someone asked where he was from and he told them Australia. They then asked "Oh, did you drive over?" Where do they think Australia is?

Another friend told me someone said to him:
"Australia, oh you have those giant rats in the main street."
"Giant rats?"
"Yeah, giant rats"
"You mean kangaroos?"
"Is that what they are?"

Light switches are pushed up to turn them on, not down as is the case in down-under land. [However, in my bedroom the switch is pushed up to turn the light on! Must have been installed by a homesick Yank.]

Water runs down the drain clockwise.

Traffic lights (pedestrian) have a red hand to make you stop which change to a white person to walk. Just about all have the turn right (we're on the opposite side remember) after stopping.

Everyone says "have a nice day" and most of them are genuine. Everyone in Australia seems to have the opinion that Yanks are loud mouthed and arrogant but that's not the case from my eight-week observation. Just about everyone I met was friendly and the whole place is totally service orientated.

You buy something:
"Thank you"
"Thank you sir"
"Thank you"
"No, thank you sir"
"OK"
"Have a nice day"
"Thanks, you also"
"Yes, sir. Goodbye"

They've always got to have the last word.

They have little flags on their mailboxes which indicate if the mailman has left something or if the house owner has left something to be mailed. The mailman takes it with him instead of you having to go to the post office.

This country is fast food heaven--

Burger King (the same as Australia's Hungry Jacks with Whoppers and the like)
Mickey D's (actually McDonalds but no-one uses the proper name)
Carl's Junior
Jack-in-the-Box
Taco Bell
Taco Cabana
Taco-Tico
Naugles
Little Caesars
Arby's (think about it ... R B for roast beef)
Denny's
Pizza Hut
Dominos
Subway
Chuckee Cheese
Wendy's (much much better than Mickey D's) but not like the Wendy's which only serves ice creams
Dairy Queen
Sonic
Hot Dog on a Stick
Brauns
In-n-Out Burger
KFC
Bob's Big Boy
I HOP (short for International House of Pancakes)
Rax

I became a connoisseur of Mexican food (or at least the Americanized version of Mexican food).

Chapter 24
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