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Many people have a different outlook on life. There are some that believe that life is a choice, and you can choose to end it whenever you want to. There are some that believe that life is a right, which makes the choice to continue living or not, have the ability to be taken from you. There are also some that believe that life is the first step to something better. For every one of these beliefs, each one of these people will ask you and others what the meaning of life is. No matter the person, the question is always presented one way or the other.
The question of "the meaning of life" will be one that multiple answers because everyone is different. There is no true answer to the question because no one really knows for sure. Many people will try to prove that his/her answer is the right one, however never be able truly know one way or the other. This is one of those things that people will always wonder about because the answer that is giving cannot not truly be proven or denied. Philosophers have been trying to give a proper answer to the question for a long time now, and they have yet to come up with an answer that everyone will follow. The reason behind this is because of the religions that exist, the different outlooks that people have, and the need to be right that everyone possesses. These reasons will stop the ability to come to one true solution, however mankind also has the unwitting need to come to an answer so it will be an endless loop to come to a true solution to the question.
As time continues on, I have begun to realize that everyone has a need to make decisions about his/her life. The decisions that are required about his/her life involve the need to question your own life and how it can be better. Whether it is necessary to continue your life as it is, or to get more mature about your own life. Also this will give the person the need to question other people's lives at the same time. When a person starts to question his/her own life, the person can become slightly annoying to everyone around him/her because of the attitude of him/her and the type of questions that he/she will ask you.
I have been asked about how I felt about my life, several times throughout the last two weeks. Most of the people that asked me were family. I haven't really thought about my life that much, in that way anyhow. I guess that really should have by now because of my age. Most people my age have already settled down and have his/her lives planned out enough to mature to the next level. For myself, I never saw any reason to do that until recently. With my friends getting married and starting to get a better control of his/her lives, I have begun to realize that I need to do that soon too. I have had many family members tell me that I should have considered "settling down" and having a family of my own a long time ago, whatever that means. I haven't really seen the need to do that because the less I thought about it, the younger I felt. It has been brought to my attention that I need to change the way I think before I get too old to have a family of my own. It is difficult for me to emit to but I think I agree with him/her that I need to start thinking further along in life than what I am doing for the next couple of weeks.
I have always looked at life as a child would, and I have seen no problem with that until recently. I would have as much fun as a person could have, without causing too much trouble for anyone. I have also had a lot of energy from doing this, so I really seemed to still be young. It is sad for me to see that this type of stuff will need to come to an end, so that I can more on to a more "mature" type of attitude. I have always turned my back onto doing the "mature" type of attitude because I saw, and still can see, no fun into doing something like that. Just as someone that is young that is just told that he/she is going to be a parent, the need to become more "mature" comes up. Unfortunately that is exactly what I will have to do, to be able to settle down at my age. I know that it will be difficult for someone like myself and perhaps close to impossible, however I do know that making the attempt will be the first step (and the hardest for me).
My love for life and being as free as I am have gotten me this far in life, and doing something more "mature" seems like I am giving in to everyone else. Well technically I am, because I am finally seeing what everyone has been talking about. I still don't really have a "need" to become "mature", but I know that the "young" attitude I have needs to come to an end to continue in life. I also feel like the family members that have ridiculed me for being "immature" (in his/her eyes), are finally going to win. It pains me to know that he/she has begun to win just because I have begun to second-guess myself for the way I do things.
I have lost many years of my life from being depressed, and now I am going to lose the rest of my life through becoming more "mature". I feel a great loss due to these thoughts about becoming more "mature". I currently believe that I am "mature" enough (and be as responsible) to have the steady job, however I also know that I have been missing something in my life. I have been told that if I acted my age for now on that I would finally find what I am missing, maturity, however I doubt it. I know that it sounds really weird to any of you reading this, especially where you don't know my age; but it is all the truth.
I have also noticed in the past few days that I am unable to get a good night's rest. I believe that the question to become more "mature" has caused me less sleep than anyone could have expected. I know that it is annoying that I come to work just as tired (if not worse) as I left work the night before. I have found that something like this will gnaw at me for a long time to come. I hope that the family members that have told me to become more "mature" like what his/her words have done to me. In the past when I was depressed, something like this wouldn't bother me because I didn't care about anything like this. Now where I refuse to be depressed again, something like this will gnaw at me for a while yet.
I have known for all my life, that my life isn't perfect. Hell it my life was perfect, I wouldn't have a website like this one in existence. I wouldn't have the ability to show the world it's own faults because I wouldn't have the ability. Thankfully I am not perfect because I know this website needs to be around to show everyone that life is not perfect. I have family members that want to control everything & everyone that he/she has met with. These family members seem to bicker about other family members, such as myself, when he/she is unable to control me the way that he/she wants to control me. These family members also believe that anyone that is not in his/her social level (snobs), he/she doesn't want to be seen in public with (such as myself). In these family members' eyes, I have decided to waste my life away and already have settled for the first job that came my way. Just think of what he/she would say about me if he/she knew about this website. I will be disowned multiple times over, and I can honestly say that I would be glad because people like that in the world cause more problems than he/she is worth.
My life is supposed to be my life to control and experience in the time that is available to me, however that is what everyone believes but isn't true. I have never really cared about what others thought about me, especially when I was depressed, but I have also always wanted to please as many people as I could at the same time. I didn't care what people thought of me, I just wanted to make everyone happy. As you all know, it is impossible to make everyone happy. Although it gets said "your life is yours and yours to control", no really means it when he/she says it. Usually when that saying is said, the person is telling you to "do what you think is right, as long as it is what I want you to do". These people have a tendency to be on your side except these people are just trying to get your trust, so that he/she can control you himself/herself.
I know from looking into my past that I have made a lot of bad choices. I also know that there is nothing I can do to change that, but I will still feel the "regret" I have been feeling lately because of those decisions. During my depressed state I pushed people away that wanted to help, and kept people that wanted me to stay depressed close to me. I chose the wrong people to listen to, and without knowing who to trust, chose the wrong ones. I also "regret" the fact that I went into a depressed state in the first place. Instead of taking care of the problem that I had, I hid from it. Doing stuff like that will "haunt" me for a long time and I will always "regret" it, but I won't have it control me. I have just started to scratch the surface of my emotions and "regret" is one of them.
My life has had very few ups and a lot of downs. These are the decisions that I made with my life. These are the choices I felt were in my best interest at the time. Now I see many of them were wrong, but the only way a person can learn is through mistakes. I just wish it didn't take so many years for me to see the mistakes. Although I have been told to become more "mature" by family members, there is a high chance that it could be a mistake to do it. I know that I need to "grow up more" however I do not think that my "maturity" is what needs to change. I know that mostly everyone will say that "growing up" and "maturity" is the same thing, but I do not think so. In my eyes, "maturity" is to be responsible for your own actions/responsibilities, and "growing up" is to being "young minded" (having fun with life). For some of the younger generations using the term "maturity" is the same thing as "growing up" because most children refuse to take responsibility for any of his/her actions/responsibilities. That is also why many people believe that one is the same as the other, when it isn't.
I know that it is much easier to blame other people for any of the decisions that I have made in the past. I could do this and think that I am invincible, however I would also be cheating myself out of the experience to take responsibility for my actions. When you are able to take the responsibility for your own actions, you have started to become "mature". This is also why I feel so much "regret" for my life because I see that I screwed up my life all on my own, and there is no one to blame but myself. So the "regret" for my mistakes are what I have been feeling lately, and I do not expect to stop feeling that way for a long time yet to come. This is part of the healing process from being depressed for that amount of time, and in a way it will help me become more "mature" in accepting those mistakes that I "regret".
My life is just as unbalanced as everyone else's lives are. The difference is that most people my age have "matured" past the part that I am just starting at. I also know that I will take me longer than most people to get past this stage because for most people it only takes a week or two to get past it. It took a week or two for me to realize that I was in the stage of "regret" and I know it will probably take me at least 3-4 months to get through this on my own. I will do this on my own because I will not feel more "mature" if I had help getting through the stage of "regret". To come out of a depressed state is hard enough, I did it on my own which is a miracle (as I have been told). To get through the "regret" I feel will take time but will be easier than coming out of a depressed state.
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