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Love is a complicated emotion. It is the only emotion that combines many other emotions together. You will also feel love when your soul is trying to communicate to you. Your soul will communicate to you through your emotions, and love is the most powerful one of them all. The emotion of love is your soul communicating to you directly about something or someone. If you are able to communicate with your soul with ease, the message will be received easily. If you do not communicate with your soul, knowing what the message is can be difficult.
I have had relationships in the past, however I do not believe that they were through love. Where my mind was so young at that time, and it still is, I do not believe that love was the reason for those relationships. As it stands, I wouldn't know if I was in love with anyone because I am just regaining the emotional control that all of you have had all your lives. Where I was in a depression (really close to suicidal), I shut down all of my emotions. I felt nothing for a long time, and now I have been relearning how to feel.
I have decide through instincts and "gut feelings" when it came to people. When it came to decisions I went by the loyalties that I had with those people. When a person shuts everyone & everything out of his/her life, there is a clear sign that something is wrong with that person. I was always socializing with people however I wouldn't allow any of them to get close to me. This prevented relationships because no one could get close enough to me for a relationship to start. It is sad when a person can emit to this and know that it was wrong, but not care at the time.
Now I am relearning the emotions that I had blocked out for that time period. I still use my instincts and "gut feelings" to decide things, however these are more like impulses now. These impulses cause me to become spontaneous and have a lot of "free will". This shows the childish nature that I have always possessed, but didn't use because it was said that it was wrong to do those types of things. I have always been told to "grow up" and take the necessary responsibilities to make my life complete. This means that I need to settle down, however I do not feel that a person can be forced to do something like that if he/she doesn't want to.
As I realize how wrong I was to do the depression, the more I realize that I wish I could go back in time and fix the things to make this life better. Not only for myself but also for certain friends of mine. To stop such harmful things to happen, and give him/her a better start in life. There has been a lot of pain and suffering that I have sustained from the past, and I have friends that have sustained more pain than me. To have the ability to change that would make this life a lot more easily to live with.
For those of us that have suffered because of the past, we are unable to trust people enough to let our guard down. This is the truth because the trust cannot be sustained enough to allow anyone get close. This is bad because we are always looking for the worst to happen, and this could cause us to jump to conclusions that we shouldn't jump to. To allow a person to know us enough to have love for us would be impossible. The trust is not there to let anyone come close enough to do something like that.
Love is a powerful emotion. Love has the ability to show you true happiness, however you must be willing to see this happiness. If you are unwilling to see the happiness, you will cause yourself more pain unknowingly. When love is trying to show you that it does exist, you will cause yourself pain if you do not listen. Love is a communication from your soul. When your soul decides that it is time for the emotion of love, you will start to feel it. When your soul is trying to tell you when a possible soul mate is near, you will sense something.
When you sense something in someone, and it doesn't seem to be a negative feeling, you will have to let your guard down to see what your soul is telling you. If you just ignore that feeling, you may regret it later on in life. I know that it is difficult to believe that your soul has the ability to communicate to you, especially where I have no religious beliefs whatsoever. I do know that the spirit that lives within all of us does exist because it is the innocence that we all have. Some of us may believe that the innocence has been lost, however it can only be lost if you don't believe that you cannot be innocent ever again.
Many people feel that his/her innocence was lost when he/she decided to grow up. I have seen many people that have an innocence that he/she cannot see in himself/herself. It is difficult to see such a thing in yourself, especially when you have gone through pain & suffering from your past. Many of us have gone through bad things in the past, and many of us have caused bad things to other people. Even with this type of past, we still have a form of innocence to us. I feel that you are always innocent until you commit a crime to try to take another's innocence. These criminals, I believe, should never be considered innocent due to those actions.
It is believed that love will guide us through life, through bad times, to the point of true happiness. Where many of us still have problems seeing that true happiness will exist because of the past that we have incurred, we are unable to see that true happiness is possible. I have a really hard time seeing that I will ever experience the true happiness that everyone says exists. I have caused my own life to be too screwed up due to that depression, to even think I will have a chance to reverse the damage I have already caused. I know that the depression was wrong to do, however I did keep some of the innocence of being young when I did this. Unfortunately it was something bad that happened to me to put me in that depression, in the first place.
If I was more open to the emotions that we all feel, I would've seen that the depression was a bad idea. I felt that I needed to go for that depression to protect my family & friends. I was wrong in my judgment because I didn't consider what I was causing myself to do. I may have protected everyone around me, however I caused too much damage to myself in the process. The protective feeling that I had for everyone was natural to me. I didn't need to think about what I was going to do because I knew it was necessary. Unfortunately I protected the bad thing at the same time, however to protect everyone it was necessary to hide the bad thing from everyone.
The love that a family can have for you may be enough to help you through anything in life. The problem is when you try to protect them from something that happened to you. When you need to protect your family is when you lose a bit of your innocence. I know of people that had similar things happen to them and actually did the right thing dealing with the problem. I also know that these same people have been suffering from the way that the public looks at them because of the bad situation that they confronted.
I know of all this and the bad feedback from the public are exactly why I went into a depression rather than face the problem. I knew that the public would treat me the same way as they treat everyone else that try to confront the wrongful things in life. When the public decides that the bad situation should not have happened in the first place, the public will attack both the victim and the attacker. This is wrong and needs to stop, however the public believes that attacking both of them is necessary to stop it from happening again. The public is wrong in this logic.
I have seen how the public reacts to situations. The public loves to cause problems with other people because it is entertainment to them. This entertainment causes victims more pain & suffering than the actual situation did. Where the public does this all the time, and doesn't let the person forget the situation happened, the victim is forced to leave the area to be able to continue with his/her life with a fresh start. This is why many young people try to get out on his/her own because the public of that area will not allow him/her to forget his/her past.
The public will always have someone to pick on, however the public really doesn't realize how pitiful it looks to people like myself. It is pitiful because I see the public acting like a bunch of bullies. These bullies are saying that the bad things should never happen, however aren't happy unless someone feels bad about something. This is also why many young people do not return to his/her hometown because the public will never change. These people seem to say that they are innocent however treat others badly. These people lose much of his/her innocence because of the bad treatment of other people.
When you have this type of negativity against you, it is difficult to let your guard down. Where you are unable to let your guard down, you have greater problems trusting that love can happen. Love is a powerful emotion, however you must be able to trust in the fact that love will help you, during good times and bad ones. Until we are able to except the fact that love is the only thing to look forward in life, we will not be able to truly understand the innocence that many of us still have.
The innocence that many of us have, regardless of our pasts, is still there because love is still available to us. We may not trust anyone to get close enough to know us any better than we are comfortable with, however the possibility of love is still there. Love has the power to conquer all, however we must give it a chance to do this. People like myself that have a hard time letting people to know me, will have problems seeing why love is close. I hope that when I feel love that I will be able to feel what my soul knows, and be able to do whatever is possible to keep that love.
I know that finding your soul mate is an impossible thing to do, especially when you are unwilling to let many people get close to you. I also know that your soul will let you know when it senses a possible soul mate. As long as we listen to our soul we will be able to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with. Your soul mate is the one person that the love already exists for; it just takes your soul time to find them. You will know when you find that person; regardless of the time it takes to be with that person.
Love is the emotion that has the most power over anything in life. Love will cause you to see the true happiness that has been waiting for you. You could have the worst of luck in life, however your soul mate will show you the love that you deserve. There is no such thing as not deserving love in your life. Those that do not believe that they deserve love in his/her life are people that have suffered greatly in life. I know how these people feel because I have felt like that in the past. It wasn't until I saw friends having true happiness that I finally saw that it was possible for the true happiness to happen.
Now I still have problems seeing any reason for me to have love in my life due to the cowardliness of hiding from my problems, by going into that depression. My logic about that was to protect a great amount of other people, however I didn't have the courage to fight against the prejudice that would come against me if I faced the problem instead. I still have a great difficulty believing that a person can love me, because of my past. Even if I find my soul mate, I believe that he/she will hate me for my actions. It is sad to say, however this is how I feel.
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