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03-22-99 · 01-27-04 · 03-16-04 ·
Love is an emotion that is another way to "suck-up" to another person. It gives a person an excuse to bother other people. There is a good side and a bad side to the emotion of love. The good stuff is in the "sucking-up" category. The bad stuff is classified as a "defense in courts". Love is an over-rated emotion that is unnecessary to have. This is true because life is to survive, not to love.
Emotions are just another thing that comes up to make life more difficult than it needs to be. The causes of emotions are something within the mind, and can be controlled by some people. If a person can control all emotions, they will be able to go through life more easily. The reason behind this is that the person would have fewer distractions that would normally make life more complicated.
Love causes people to have small tempers (short fuses) for most of the time, especially if a loved one is in danger. Love causes a person to be vulnerable to other people because the love for another person is a weakness that people will use against you. If the love of the person becomes like a controlling feature, that form of love becomes a greater weakness than any other. That form of love will cause the person to feel that the one they love is property. When the love becomes a possession such as property, it is no longer love it is control. This is something that should never happen but does, and takes a lot of time to end that type of relationship.
If a person can control the emotion of love, they could be getting a bigger weakness than they would expect. If true love is not established, the love they may be feeling is not love at all. It is more likely to be a "crush" which can be mistaken as love easily. This happens a lot, especially when the person's mind is not mature enough to recognize that it isn't love. The person could be at any age, but the most frequent age that is recognized by the public is being a teenager.
Love is the only emotion that we feel that can cause great happiness or great sorrow. It can give us both depending on the situation(s) that you feel the emotion of love. For example if you felt love for someone and they felt the same way, you have a great feeling of happiness. If that same person were to die the same day after telling you how that he/she felt, you would feel a great sorrow. These are kind of blunt examples, however my point of the positives and negatives feelings from love has been presented.
It is difficult for some of us to believe in love, or at least allow ourselves to feel it. There are people in the world that will try to take advantage of you when you are in love. These people can be defined as "scam artists", and in my opinion should all be killed off for doing what he/she does. Love is a difficult emotion in the first place, and having a "scam artist" use that emotion for his/her own benefits is one of the lowest things that a person can do.
I am one of few people that have difficulties trusting the emotion of love. I have the difficulties trusting the emotion of love because of the possible pain and suffering that can be tied into that emotion. I know of the happiness that is within the emotion, however I can see more of the negatives about that emotion. The great happiness that you will feel, at some point, is the reason to try to find love. The difficult thing to ignore is the hurt that can/will be tied with that same emotion.
Love is one of those emotions that have more than one emotion tied to it. For all of the emotions that exist in the world today, love can/will touch each one of those emotions at one time or another. Love is one of the most complicated emotions because of this same reason. It is difficult to feel for many of us because we are unable to trust the purity of love to exist any more. The companies in the world, to help the companies make more money, have exploded love from every direction. An example of this is the Valentine's Day. Companies have brought out foods, cards, etc. to have people buy them for the person that he/she loves. These companies do not care about the customers that are buying the stuff, just that the customers keep buying them. The main way that companies will do this is claim that the company is doing a special for the week, to deal with Valentine's Day.
Thankfully Valentine's Day falls on a Saturday this year. This allows many people to be with his/her loved ones on the weekend and be with him/her on Valentine's Day. This will have many couples be extremely happy because it is believed now that it is necessary to be with your loved ones on Valentine's Day. It is also believed that you need to do something special on this day to "prove your love". I don't understand why people need to spend excessive amounts of money for Valentine's Day to "prove your love"; it makes no sense to me. Of course, I have yet to feel that emotion because I fear it.
Love is the emotion that I actually fear. Many people would be happy to express love, however I am unable to feel that way. The reason for this is because I was depressed for too long. I began to distrust my emotions and buried the emotions as far into the back of my mind as I could get them to go. Recently, for the past year, I have been trying to unbury those emotions because I have found that burying something is just hiding from it. If you bury something, you are not able to confront it. If you don't confront whatever the problem is, you will never be able to get over the problem. It took me many wasted years to learn that one. I see now the mistakes and regret almost all of them.
Love I have yet to feel, to my knowledge. I do not why and I hope that I have a chance to feel it at some point in my life. If a person doesn't feel love in his/her life, I believe that the life is useless. When you do not experience the power of love, you are just wandering in life. To wander all throughout life, with no chance of true happiness, then there is no point to the life. You can have all the friends possible, however if you are unable to see the true happiness that you are suppose to experience; I see no point into continuing life.
I have many friends in my life. Some friends I am closer than others. There are some friends I am able to talk to about personal stuff, and others that I am not so close to. I have family members that are friends, however not all family members are friends. It is difficult to see my life without some of my friends; however as I look at how my life has been some of my current friends could have been expendable. It is sad to say, but it is the truth. The reason behind this is that some friends make you feel worse than you should, so those friends are expendable. No one should keep people are him/her that make you feel worse than what you should in life.
In the past I have always spent the night of Valentine's Day with my friends. I have always felt that it would be good to do this so that my parents can be alone, along with the fact that my friends tell me that I have to do it. This year I am not sure which friends I will be with for this Valentine's Day. I have begun to be closer to some friends than others, so I am not sure which ones would be best to be around this time through. I have always been the "fifth wheel" for the stuff that we do together, regardless if it is Valentine's Day or some other night. Of course that was the past, and stuff can change after time especially when you become more open to people.
Love has the ability to happen all of a sudden, and other times it takes a while for people to realize the love between them. I know that when it finally happens to me, it will take a while for me to realize it. I know this because I have great difficulties talking about how I feel to others. What I do with this website is different because I don't see any of you when you read/see this stuff, although some of you I probably know anyhow (judging by your email addresses).
I know that in my heart that I currently do not feel love, I think, because I do not feel too much different about this time of the year. If I were to be in love, I would have this "dyer need" to spend lots of money towards one other person. Where I do not feel this way, it is my belief that I haven't experienced love; at least yet. I know that the closeness that I feel with my friends is something different than love, however it is still a very positive feeling nonetheless.
My life has revolved around the ability of my freedom of choice. I have had many people ask me why I haven't gotten a "loved one" yet. My answer has always been "they cost too much, always needing a present for every week". This is an answer that I personally have begun to realize how lame that answer really is, even though people laugh at the answer and say that it is true. I have begun to use the answer of "haven't gotten around to it", just to make some people to stop asking me that question. It is always easy to see which people are your friends and which ones aren't by the way that he/she reacts to your answers to his/her questions. When your friends "advertise" your answer to everyone in the emitted area (even to strangers), these people are not your friends. When your friends "chuckle" about your response and don't ask again during the night, these people are your friends.
As I continue to unbury my emotional state every day, I have realized that my "guard" has to stay down for this to work properly. If I were to put my "guard" up during this tricky time, I have a high chance to revert back into the depressed state that I am trying to escape from. Although I have been working on this for over a year, I am still not out of the depressed state. I have made great strides in not being depressed any more, especially since I am able to talk to a very few for the reason of my depressed state. My mind is still in a very dangerous place because a lot of my emotions have not been unburied yet. Without having these emotions unburied, my guard needs to stay down because I may not be able to unbury them if my guard goes up for any reason. I refuse to have a relapse, for the fact I have made so much progress so far.
I also know that the day that I feel love, I may have a complete breakdown. I believe this because of the power that love possesses and the fact that I am unable to control it. I have gotten through life so far by controlling my emotions, and to control the emotion I would block/bury it. Now I have started to get rid of the "mental barriers" so that I can feel the emotions once again, and have a chance for a normal life. My life is far from normal and that may be the reason behind not settling down yet, however I am willing now to "become normal". Time is the key thing because I have been overdue to do this, however I never saw the reason to. Now that I have had friends getting married, seeing the happiness that they had doing this, I have decided that it was time to do the same.
My mind is still monstrously complicated but I feel that after enough time goes by, it will become less complicated. The other catch is that if I feel love during this time period, it may give me the extra boost to finally be over this depressed state. The power of love has no limit, especially when people are willing to experience the whole feeling without regret. There are many people that are willing to express love, however will not trust it to the fullest because of the power that love wields over any of us. I believe that when I finally feel it, I will finally be out of this depressed state. I know that I am still in the depressed state because I am still repressing memories and emotions that need to known to me. When these repressed things are finally able to be accessed by me, I will know that I am ready for almost anything that the world can throw at me.
Everyone that is around me can notice a bit of a difference about me. I have become more open to my opinions, and I have begun to pick up on different moods in other people. This is allowing my social skills to improve because I can pick up on things that I normally wouldn't, and I try to get a laugh out of the person if he/she is having a bad day. Just imagine what the emotion of love could do to me if I felt it. To be the person I should have been from the start of my life, and not the moron that I have become.
Love is a complicated emotion. It is the only emotion that combines many other emotions together. You will also feel love when your soul is trying to communicate to you. Your soul will communicate to you through your emotions, and love is the most powerful one of them all. The emotion of love is your soul communicating to you directly about something or someone. If you are able to communicate with your soul with ease, the message will be received easily. If you do not communicate with your soul, knowing what the message is can be difficult.
I have had relationships in the past, however I do not believe that they were through love. Where my mind was so young at that time, and it still is, I do not believe that love was the reason for those relationships. As it stands, I wouldn't know if I was in love with anyone because I am just regaining the emotional control that all of you have had all your lives. Where I was in a depression (really close to suicidal), I shut down all of my emotions. I felt nothing for a long time, and now I have been relearning how to feel.
I have decide through instincts and "gut feelings" when it came to people. When it came to decisions I went by the loyalties that I had with those people. When a person shuts everyone & everything out of his/her life, there is a clear sign that something is wrong with that person. I was always socializing with people however I wouldn't allow any of them to get close to me. This prevented relationships because no one could get close enough to me for a relationship to start. It is sad when a person can emit to this and know that it was wrong, but not care at the time.
Now I am relearning the emotions that I had blocked out for that time period. I still use my instincts and "gut feelings" to decide things, however these are more like impulses now. These impulses cause me to become spontaneous and have a lot of "free will". This shows the childish nature that I have always possessed, but didn't use because it was said that it was wrong to do those types of things. I have always been told to "grow up" and take the necessary responsibilities to make my life complete. This means that I need to settle down, however I do not feel that a person can be forced to do something like that if he/she doesn't want to.
As I realize how wrong I was to do the depression, the more I realize that I wish I could go back in time and fix the things to make this life better. Not only for myself but also for certain friends of mine. To stop such harmful things to happen, and give him/her a better start in life. There has been a lot of pain and suffering that I have sustained from the past, and I have friends that have sustained more pain than me. To have the ability to change that would make this life a lot more easily to live with.
For those of us that have suffered because of the past, we are unable to trust people enough to let our guard down. This is the truth because the trust cannot be sustained enough to allow anyone get close. This is bad because we are always looking for the worst to happen, and this could cause us to jump to conclusions that we shouldn't jump to. To allow a person to know us enough to have love for us would be impossible. The trust is not there to let anyone come close enough to do something like that.
Love is a powerful emotion. Love has the ability to show you true happiness, however you must be willing to see this happiness. If you are unwilling to see the happiness, you will cause yourself more pain unknowingly. When love is trying to show you that it does exist, you will cause yourself pain if you do not listen. Love is a communication from your soul. When your soul decides that it is time for the emotion of love, you will start to feel it. When your soul is trying to tell you when a possible soul mate is near, you will sense something.
When you sense something in someone, and it doesn't seem to be a negative feeling, you will have to let your guard down to see what your soul is telling you. If you just ignore that feeling, you may regret it later on in life. I know that it is difficult to believe that your soul has the ability to communicate to you, especially where I have no religious beliefs whatsoever. I do know that the spirit that lives within all of us does exist because it is the innocence that we all have. Some of us may believe that the innocence has been lost, however it can only be lost if you don't believe that you cannot be innocent ever again.
Many people feel that his/her innocence was lost when he/she decided to grow up. I have seen many people that have an innocence that he/she cannot see in himself/herself. It is difficult to see such a thing in yourself, especially when you have gone through pain & suffering from your past. Many of us have gone through bad things in the past, and many of us have caused bad things to other people. Even with this type of past, we still have a form of innocence to us. I feel that you are always innocent until you commit a crime to try to take another's innocence. These criminals, I believe, should never be considered innocent due to those actions.
It is believed that love will guide us through life, through bad times, to the point of true happiness. Where many of us still have problems seeing that true happiness will exist because of the past that we have incurred, we are unable to see that true happiness is possible. I have a really hard time seeing that I will ever experience the true happiness that everyone says exists. I have caused my own life to be too screwed up due to that depression, to even think I will have a chance to reverse the damage I have already caused. I know that the depression was wrong to do, however I did keep some of the innocence of being young when I did this. Unfortunately it was something bad that happened to me to put me in that depression, in the first place.
If I was more open to the emotions that we all feel, I would've seen that the depression was a bad idea. I felt that I needed to go for that depression to protect my family & friends. I was wrong in my judgment because I didn't consider what I was causing myself to do. I may have protected everyone around me, however I caused too much damage to myself in the process. The protective feeling that I had for everyone was natural to me. I didn't need to think about what I was going to do because I knew it was necessary. Unfortunately I protected the bad thing at the same time, however to protect everyone it was necessary to hide the bad thing from everyone.
The love that a family can have for you may be enough to help you through anything in life. The problem is when you try to protect them from something that happened to you. When you need to protect your family is when you lose a bit of your innocence. I know of people that had similar things happen to them and actually did the right thing dealing with the problem. I also know that these same people have been suffering from the way that the public looks at them because of the bad situation that they confronted.
I know of all this and the bad feedback from the public are exactly why I went into a depression rather than face the problem. I knew that the public would treat me the same way as they treat everyone else that try to confront the wrongful things in life. When the public decides that the bad situation should not have happened in the first place, the public will attack both the victim and the attacker. This is wrong and needs to stop, however the public believes that attacking both of them is necessary to stop it from happening again. The public is wrong in this logic.
I have seen how the public reacts to situations. The public loves to cause problems with other people because it is entertainment to them. This entertainment causes victims more pain & suffering than the actual situation did. Where the public does this all the time, and doesn't let the person forget the situation happened, the victim is forced to leave the area to be able to continue with his/her life with a fresh start. This is why many young people try to get out on his/her own because the public of that area will not allow him/her to forget his/her past.
The public will always have someone to pick on, however the public really doesn't realize how pitiful it looks to people like myself. It is pitiful because I see the public acting like a bunch of bullies. These bullies are saying that the bad things should never happen, however aren't happy unless someone feels bad about something. This is also why many young people do not return to his/her hometown because the public will never change. These people seem to say that they are innocent however treat others badly. These people lose much of his/her innocence because of the bad treatment of other people.
When you have this type of negativity against you, it is difficult to let your guard down. Where you are unable to let your guard down, you have greater problems trusting that love can happen. Love is a powerful emotion, however you must be able to trust in the fact that love will help you, during good times and bad ones. Until we are able to except the fact that love is the only thing to look forward in life, we will not be able to truly understand the innocence that many of us still have.
The innocence that many of us have, regardless of our pasts, is still there because love is still available to us. We may not trust anyone to get close enough to know us any better than we are comfortable with, however the possibility of love is still there. Love has the power to conquer all, however we must give it a chance to do this. People like myself that have a hard time letting people to know me, will have problems seeing why love is close. I hope that when I feel love that I will be able to feel what my soul knows, and be able to do whatever is possible to keep that love.
I know that finding your soul mate is an impossible thing to do, especially when you are unwilling to let many people get close to you. I also know that your soul will let you know when it senses a possible soul mate. As long as we listen to our soul we will be able to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with. Your soul mate is the one person that the love already exists for; it just takes your soul time to find them. You will know when you find that person; regardless of the time it takes to be with that person.
Love is the emotion that has the most power over anything in life. Love will cause you to see the true happiness that has been waiting for you. You could have the worst of luck in life, however your soul mate will show you the love that you deserve. There is no such thing as not deserving love in your life. Those that do not believe that they deserve love in his/her life are people that have suffered greatly in life. I know how these people feel because I have felt like that in the past. It wasn't until I saw friends having true happiness that I finally saw that it was possible for the true happiness to happen.
Now I still have problems seeing any reason for me to have love in my life due to the cowardliness of hiding from my problems, by going into that depression. My logic about that was to protect a great amount of other people, however I didn't have the courage to fight against the prejudice that would come against me if I faced the problem instead. I still have a great difficulty believing that a person can love me, because of my past. Even if I find my soul mate, I believe that he/she will hate me for my actions. It is sad to say, however this is how I feel.
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