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My emotional state has been jumping around a lot lately. A few days ago I got robbed, and it took the police a full hour to get to me after I had hung up with the "911 operator", so there was a whole hour for all my thoughts to float around. This is not a good thing, especially for a person that doesn't express emotions easily. I can honestly say that my mind was completely screwed up until today. I don't know if it was the fact that I could sleep in a little bit more, or just the fact that everything that I had experienced finally took it's full toll. What I think happened was just the fact that where I don't express emotions easily, having the feelings of what I was feeling from having the robbery happen to me, threw my mind out of control.
Many told me that I seemed to be more of a suicidal type for the end of last week, and I seemed to be more suicidal at the start of this week. Now it is as if my mind finally discovered how to "block out" the emotions that I was feeling. My mind is currently more of a cleaner state than it was at the start of the week, hopefully that feeling doesn't come back any time soon. The feelings that were kicking around felt as if they were a combination of at least 5 emotions mixing together and causing me to feel like "shit". Usually when I feel something, my mind has the ability to break it down and stop it from effecting me any more, which usually only takes a day for it to go back to normal. This time it almost took a week for my defenses to break it down (or "block" it), and allow myself to go back to normal.
During the time that I didn't have any control of that feeling, I was still working and also I was dealing with the police about the robbery. I can honestly say that it is also the first time that I was thinking before I spoke, that may be a good thing or not, I'm not sure. My mind is complicated enough without these extra feelings coming up. I am just glad that no one tried to challenge me into something, because the mind frame that I was in I would have taken the challenge (as an insult, or other). When I get into one of those states, my mind seems to find extra strength to give to me, and I seem to be able to do more physical things than I could before. So having my mind fighting the extra emotions is both good and bad. It is good because it gives me the ability to be more physically active, however the bad part is just the simple fact that I feel like "shit" and I am not a pleasant person to be around during that time.
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