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It is easy to make friends. It is also easy to fight with friends. The difficult thing to do is to stay friends after any fight. Hopefully any time you and your friends have fights, they are really disagreements not real fights. When it comes to disagreements, both you and your friend are civil about the matter. If it is something that causes you and your friend to not be civil, it could cause a lot of yelling. The problem with doing something like that is the fact that your friendship could get "rocky" due to the fight. This happens to many friendships nowadays.
I have seen friendships hold through hard times, and I have seen friendships end during hard times. It is sad to see a friendship end, regardless of the circumstances. I have also seen friendships become weaken after time, which means to me that there isn't enough time any more for that friendship. I have seen this happen a lot to many people. The strongest of friendships die when the two people no longer have the time to spend with each other.
Being able to develop friendships with new people is necessary in life. If a person is unable/unwilling to make new friends, the person is destining to be alone. I can say this because this is how I saw myself, at one time. I was unwilling to make friends with new people (outside of the current family/friends circle); due to I was in a form of depression. I saw no reason for it, so I refused to do so. I was in this type of state for approximately 10 years. It took me a long time to realize that my way of thinking was wrong. I had blocked all of my emotions so that I could function in the real world without a care about it. For anyone that knows me now, they can honestly saw that I was truly depressed back then compared to now. It is sad to say however it is true.
I have been developing new friendships more and more, now. I took myself out of the depressed state approximately 11 months ago, so almost a year. I was looking at life at the most negative way possible. I didn't care how it looked, so I continued to be that way. I found it was easier to be that way so that I could go through school/college without any distractions. I have found, especially when I look back at how I was during that time, that it was a large mistake to allow myself to be that way. Approximately 11 months ago I decided to stop looking at life that way, and brought myself out of the depressed state I had been in for the past 10 years. It is rare to be able to do that without a lot of help, however it shows that it is possible.
I have created many friendships with many people over the last 11 months. These friendships have helped me see many of my own faults that I didn't see in the past. Also for the past 5 months I have become more positive, in general. I have found that some friendships can have a greater affect on you than others. I have found that with certain friendships, I have become a better person than I could have thought possible. I have also realized in the past few months that there are certain friendships that can grow as you are learning more about yourself. This type of friendship, in my opinion, should last a lifetime. It is rare to find a friendship/bond that is this strong, however when they happen you try to keep that friendship/bond no matter what. You can have other friends/family telling you that the friendship shouldn't exist the way that it does, however you don't need to believe them. You can sacrifice those opinions to make sure that the friendship exists. These opinions are from people that do not understand the feeling of having this type of friendship/bond without having another reason to be around the person.
When you create friendships with anyone, there is always speculation about why you want to be friends. This speculation is normal for any person to feel because it is a form of paranoia that exists in every one of us. Many of us use paranoia as a way to be defensive without showing a defensive front. For when I was in my depressed state, my defensive front was "why would you want to be my friend". This was always used because I never had any emotional response to anything. I would always seem to be a jerk where I would not show/feel any remorse for any of my responses/smart ass remarks. Being seen as a person like this didn't bother me because I was too depressed (at life) to realize that something was wrong. I am glad to say that I am not like that any more, however this website may show otherwise.
Through my most current friendships it has been proven to me that I am a good person. Although I still don't see myself as a good person, I have been told it. I have been told that I am a levelheaded person, which I still don't think is true and laugh when I am told this. It has also been said, thanks to my current friendships, that I am a very open person. I can honestly say that I believe this now because of this website. I am willing to have people look at this website with all of these thoughts. It shows that I do not fear the opinions of people any more because no one can say worse than what I have said about myself. This is true due to the fact that I have been depressed in the past (so the worse is there), and the friendships I currently have show me who I truly am (the positive side).
I know, thanks to my friendships, that I am a good person now. There is almost nothing in the world that can change the way I feel about that. I also know that I talk/think in circles, however everyone does once in a while. Many people will not emit to the fact that they go in circles, but they can't stop the truth from being said. Most people will say that this site shows what a "truly mentally deranged person" really thinks, however that is a common response from someone that fears this website. For the friends that do not know that I have this site, I know you understand why I have kept this from you. For the friend that knows that I have this website, I am thankful for your input. The friendship that we have seems to have made me stronger, and able to deal with the real world a lot better than I could without this friendship.
It is difficult for me to emit that I need help with anything. This is true for a lot of us. I have found that the friendships I have, have allowed me to see myself as they do. I have also seen myself how I use to be, from those same friendships. With only one certain friendship I am able to see what I could be after time. It is difficult for me to emit that I wouldn't have seen myself in this way without this friend. I have never allowed anyone to get close enough to see how I think; who I really am, or that I am a good person. I have always kept that hidden due the fact I didn't want to show any weakness (or what I thought was a weakness) with anyone.
I know that currently I have been more open about my thoughts than ever before. I know that it is from meeting the new member of my family, during the past weekend. I also know that my mind is more of a jumbled mess than ever before too. Hopefully the friendships that have guided me this far are able to help me through this bit of a mess. I know some friendships I have will be a little shaken with this new development (way of thinking), however I hope that all my friendships can grow stronger because of it. The experience of seeing this new relative has caused me to be more open with my thoughts and hopefully not open for attacks from other people. This should be the ultimate test for any of my friendships. This should show me which ones will stay with me to the end. I depend on my friendships to help me through life and if end so will my life. Where I cannot see one without the other, it is good to know that the friendships will be around for my lifetime.
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