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For some people, having a relationship with someone is an easy thing to do. For some people it is hard for the person to have a relationship. Whether the relationship is a serious one or it is just a friendship, the relationship will have a different level of difficulty for everyone. The reason for the different level of difficulty is because of the trust issue. Some people seem to trust others quicker than other people would them. This is true for any type of relationship.
For friendships, I have seen people be uneasy trusting each other at first. I have also seen these same people seem to be the closest of friends after a short time. To be able to form a relationship of friendship with another person, it is necessary to find some common ground. If there is no common ground, the relationship of friendship may never happen.
I have seen friendships get a little "rocky" due to the lack of time the people have to spend with each other. I have seen this through partial friendships and good friendships. No friendship is made to last forever. There will be many disagreements that will make the friendship a little "rocky". There will also be times that the friends just don't see each other too much any more. I know of people that are friends that haven't talked in almost a year, however the friendship is still intact. I also know of a friendship that the people are within hours of each other, and the friendship is starting to suffer due to the lack of contact. The lack of trust is the reason for this to happen. These people can be the longest of friends, however the friendship will become weakened if one side feels that the other side is not be considerate enough to come by.
I have seen friends that have taken his/her friendship relationship to the next level. To take the friendship to the next level means to make it a serious relationship. To do this takes a lot of trust on both sides of the relationship. If one person is not comfortable to do this, the relationship may not workout. The problem of having the serious relationship not workout is the fact that the friendship relationship maybe sacrificed in the process. To go to a higher level for a relationship, and not succeed, may cause the friendship to end. Many times that couples breakup there will be one of the people say that he/she wants the friendship between him/her to continue. In many cases, it isn't that easy. Most of the time one of them will still have feelings for the other that is stronger than the friendship. This will cause problems when the two start dating again. It is never good to watch something like that happen, especially if you are the one experiencing it.
Through my experiences with my friends & family when it comes to serious relationships, I have seen things that are common in all relationships. I have discovered that if a breakup happens, both sexes can be cruel and insensitive at the same time. If a woman breaks off the relationship, she has either found out that the guy has cheated on her or she feels she is be suffocated by the guy. If the guy breaks off the relationship, he will have another girl (in the background) that he wants to be with but has to end this one or he has found the girl cheating on him. If a guy says that he wants some freedom from the relationship, which always means that he has another girl that he would like to see. Unfortunately this is why guys are seen to be pigs. I agree with that statement due to this. Girls can be just as bad, however the stereotype that comes up after the relationship ends is that if it was the guy's fault he is a pig but if it is the girl's fault see is a whore. I don't understand why girls are seen to be worse than guys, other than the fact that guys are worse regardless.
I have also seen times that a relationship ends due to petty difficulties. Usually the guy will have a problem with something the girl is doing such as: spending not enough time with him, spending too much time with friends/family, having too much freedom from the guy (guy unable to find girl at times), or the worst one being the guy believing that he is better than the girl. I have seen this happen with relationships that my friends have had. It is also painful to see the attitude of the guy to be that way. The biggest problem about a relationship ending due to a petty difficulty; is the fact that the guy will be the first to realize it was wrong. You may say that it is a good thing when the guy realizes that he was wrong, however the guy will not realize this until the girl has already gotten over him. This has happened in the past to a couple of my friends and it will happen in the future too. This will happen because men are idiots. Some men will become jealous of the women if the women seem to be getting over the men too quickly. Other times the men will finally realize that the relationship that he had was a good one, and he screwed it up. Although I see that men are this way, I do not believe that if the guy was stupid enough to end the relationship due to a petty difference, the guy should be allowed to try again. I can see trying again if it was a serious thing, such as the guy was in another country and ended the relationship to give them a chance to move on and not do the "long distance" relationship thing. Something like this is actually honorable, if the guy doesn't have another girl in the mix. If there is another girl, then the guy is a pig and doesn't deserve the first one.
For a friendship to continue, even after the couple being serious is rare. Usually there is too much tension between the two to be nice to each other. There are always some feelings that reside in each of them about the serious relationship. Those feelings will cause problems with the friendship after time. There are some people that can try to get the friendship to workout for a time, however in many cases the person is plotting to get the serious relationship back. Most of the time it is the guy that will plot this way, however a girl can be just as cunning. I have seen this happen in the past, and most of the time the friendship ends after a few months due to this cunning action.
I personally haven't had any serious relationship since school. I had two during school however I was too young to understand what to do with that type of relationship. Unfortunately, currently, I am still unable to know what to do with a serious relationship. Both of the serious relationships ended due to my stupidity. The first ended because I was too young to realize that checking out "the other fish" when going out was a bad thing. The relationship ended due to my stupidity, although I didn't touch anyone else, at that young age it was the same thing. Fortunately the friendship between this person and myself grew stronger with us separate than together. I still have a friendship with this person today. The second relationship ended because I had caught the person cheating on me. It was a skiing trip with the school; I knew that the person was going to be at the skiing mountain. I had planned to surprise the person however it backfired. This relationship ended approximately 10 years ago. What made things worse that day was the fact that other people used this experience, and those few that remembered the previous relationship, as a firing-range on me. If any of you have read some of my other thoughts, things will start to piece together now. So for my experiences I have been unable to continue with another relationship since then. It shows how much a breakup can affect someone, especially if the relationship ends in such a bad way as that. As I try to feel some emotions now, as I start dropping the emotional/mental barriers, I have been starting to feel some of the pain/hurt from that relationship. I probably still feel the pain/hurt because it was so long ago and I didn't deal with it then (I buried it).
Due to certain friends/family, in the past year and a half, moving on with his/her lives such as getting married, I have been able to see that my way of looking on life was wrong. Due to the hurt I had felt in the past due to the relationships that went bad, I couldn't see the "true happiness" that people said existed. Thanks to my friends/family that continued to move on, I am able to see this type of happiness now. Hopefully the relationships (friends or serious) that I have from now on can help me become happier than I am now. It will be especially difficult for me to trust anyone to be close enough to me for a serious relationship again, however with the friends/family that are helping me come out of my "shell"; anything is possible.
Due to the complexity of relationships, it will be extremely difficult for me to do them again. This is true especially since it has been approximately 10 years since my last one. So technically I am a little rusty when it comes to that type of stuff. I also am just coming out of that "shell" so I won't have the emotional attachment as quickly as other people would to a relationship. This can be seen as a positive and negative thing for the relationship. The negative side would be the fact that I will not know when/how to have the emotional responses that are required in certain situations. The positive side would be the fact that my loyalty to the person and what my instincts say about the person will guide me throughout the relationship. This sounds a little farfetched, even to me, however it is the way that I am. I have never used one friend against another friend for anything because my loyalties to my friends/family help guide all of my decisions. My instincts also help guide those decisions.
Where serious relationships are so complicated, especially in the emotional department, it will be an interesting challenge for someone like myself. It will be an interesting challenge because I am not in-touch with my emotions as many people in relationships are. The emotion of love I do not feel, to my knowledge, and have been trying not to feel it due to the complexity of that emotion by itself. The problem is that you need that emotion to have any type of serious relationship with anyone. So it should be interesting to attempt a serious relationship when I feel I am able/stable enough to.
Many relationships take a lot of time to create. Whether the relationship is something serious or just friends, the relationship takes time for it to happen. There are some people that jump into a serious relationship a little too soon for his/her own good. This happens all of the time, especially if one of the people just ended a serious relationship and is on the "rebound". The person on the "rebound" has his/her judgment, impaired slightly, because of the emotions that are involved in the ending of the relationship.
Many people learn to regret having "back to back" relationships because he/she would be in the "rebound" phase for the initial part of the second relationship. This happens all the time because no one likes being alone when trying to "get over" the ended relationship. The amount of emotions that a person will feel, regardless of the situation behind the end of the relationship, are greater than anyone should go through. It is awful to hear about an ended relationship, and worse still when it involves yourself somehow.
My sister has just had this happen to her. With the relationship ending, just after a serious snowstorm, she hasn't been having a good turn recently. I am partially glad that the relationship has ended because I got a "vibe" from the guy that was good. I got the "vibe" that he was just with her to see what he could get from her. With the latest snowstorm my sister lost power on one day and the next day helped someone shovel his/her vehicle out of the snow. My sister had a "petty" fight with this guy during the start of the week. This guy was saying that my sister was ignoring him, and he wanted to know why. For those two days she had a good reason for not talking to him, and with the amount he was "messaging her" I can understand why it has ended.
The type of relationship that my sister was in was one that people should try to avoid. The relationship was the guy feeling like he was possessive to the girl (my sister), which means that the guy is nothing but a jerk. One of my sister's friends was using her my sister's computer to talk with someone else on the "ICQ" program, while this guy was sending messages for my sister. My sister's friend told the guy that my sister had just gone for a walk, however this guy didn't let up. Fortunate for this guy, my sister's friend wouldn't let me talk/type something to him because I would have told him to go straight to hell. Unfortunately this guy didn't take the hint to leave her alone, and she had to end the relationship because of this guy's dumb-wittedness.
It is good to see my sister show some intelligence when it comes to her personal well-being. I say this because no guy has the right to harass any female regardless of the relationship. I would feel the same way even if this type of this happened to someone that was not a relative. When guys start to become possessive like this guy was being, it is time for the guy to get a shot of reality. This type of thing should never happen, however for that to happen the world would have to be perfect. We all know that the world is not perfect, and for those of you that believe that it is, you should read my thoughts more closely on this site.
Relationships are complicated all the time. When two people are "just friends", the two people are able to become closer because there is no "sexual tensions" between the two. The reason for this is because neither one of the people are thinking in the "boyfriend/girlfriend" state of mind when he/she starts to become close with the other person. To other people of the public when these two people are seen together, the public will think that he/she are a couple because of how close the two seem to be. In many cases it is true that two that are really close would be dating, however that doesn't mean that all the time.
For any relationship to exist there needs to be a form of trust between two people. This trust determines the friendship that these two people would have together. The relationship becomes more complicated when one of these people have a difficult past that he/she is not proud of. Regardless of the person, the situation could be worse than what anyone could dream of. Every person deals with his/her past differently, some of us will face the past and the rest of us will hide from our past. Not everyone is ready to deal with the skeletons in our closets, and for those that are ready I can honestly say that I have a lot of respect for you. I am one of those people that have a past but do not have the courage/ability to face that past.
When a person takes that type of "baggage" into a relationship, the relationship has a chance to not succeed. It is sad to say however it is the truth. No matter the relationship, if you are unwilling to share your past the relationship is being built up on lies. Lies tend to hurt people after time, and in any relationship lies tend to cause more pain than anything else you could do. When the trust is built good enough in a relationship a person can become comfortable (trust you enough) to tell you some of his/her past. Your response to his/her past will become crucial depending on the person. If you try to make a joke out of it, in other words you can't believe what he/she is saying and you don't want to hear it, you will lose a great amount of trust with this person.
No matter how serious the situation is for the person that is confiding in you, it will hurt the relationship if you are unwilling to hear about the past. Although the person telling you the past may be unwilling to go into details, it will show you how much trust that he/she has in you if you just listen. If you choose to not listen to him/her when he/she is trying to tell you something, you will lose the trust that he/she thought that he/she had with you. All relationships are different however there are many things that are constant. These things are constant because these are common sense.
In my experience listening to a person, regardless of what type of relationship you have with him/her, is necessary to earn some trust from that person. When you are able to be open with a person you will earn some more trust with the person. When a person is open to you, he/she seems to trust you with the information that he/she is about to tell you. If you are having a serious relationship with this person when he/she opens up to you, you have a higher chance to respond properly with the person. When you feel close to a person, it will always show to other people. When you get too close to the person, you have a chance to invade his/her personal space. If you invade a person's personal space, you have a high chance to get "yelled at" because of this. Whether your intensions were accidental or on purpose, you will be "yelled at" the same. A person's personal space is the person's comfort zone. If you invade that comfort zone, the person is no longer comfortable around you.
Relationships are always complicated because emotions/moods change all of the time. If one person seems to not have a steady mood change, then he/she will become unpredictable. The unpredictable actions that he/she will do will cause people around him/her to be on the defense. People will go on the defensive because the unpredictable person could start to attack anyone that is around him/her. This can become annoying to some because he/she could do nothing to this person and still get attacked. The best way to overcome this type of change is by having the person trust you enough. If the trust isn't there, you will become a victim of an attack (of sorts).
Friendships are necessary for any relationship to work. To have the friendship, you will need trust. To have the amount of trust that comes from friendships, you will be able to conquer anything together in a relationship. At some point there will always be someone that wants to take the friendship to the next level, however it may be too soon for the other person. Until both people are at the same level, no friendship can transform into a serious relationship without consequences. I hope that I will have the chance to experience that type of change at some point in my life, however I do not have the proper mental understanding to even consider the change at this current time.
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