You might be "goth" if...

You pay 6 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit

You wear sunglasses in the produce department at night

You won't get in a fight because it might smudge your make up

You wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black lipstick on your face

People can't tell whether you're searching for a missing contact or dancing

The only day you feel normal is Halloween

You don't know whether the person you're sleeping with is male or female until you're actually in bed with them

You don't care

The shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper"

You were rooting for the vampires in "From Dusk Til Dawn", "Lost Boys", etc.

The Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child

You watch Sesame Street as an adult just to see The Count

You wear long, velvet coats in the middle of summer

You go to Denny's at 5 in the morning and think, "These are my people"

You think dead flowers are prettier than live ones

You think anything dead is pretty

You refer to your age in mortal years

You give yourself the honorary title of Lord or Lady

You know what a Malkavian is

You know what a Malkavian is because you've been there, done that

You have the t-shirt

You dressed as The Crow for Halloween one year

You have dressed as The Crow for Halloween the past few years

The club you frequent has concocted an original drink called "The Vampire's Kiss"

You buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose

You think blood is "pretty"

Your combat boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child for two years

You've willingly undergone cosmetic dental surgery

You own 16 or more Cleopatra c.d.'s

You own even 1 Projekt c.d.

Friday the Thirteenth is your lucky day

You can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier

You decide Wednesday blows them both away

You could easily blow $500 in a Halloween store

You could spend all $500 on just make up

You were disappointed to find out that "American Gothic" is a portrait of two farmers

You claim the Chupacabra is a friend/relative of yours

You own a hearse

You own a hearse and don't work in a funeral parlor

You keep a coffin in the back as "decoration"

You keep a coffin in the back as a bed

You think of the hearse as the "family car"

You think heresy is a religion

You claim heresy as YOUR religion

You own a rosary that you wear

You own many rosaries that you wear

You own a glow-in-the-dark rosary that alternates between your neck and the rearview mirror in your car

You fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000 years

You wish to name your first born Lestat

You plan to name your first born after ANY Anne Rice character

You didn't know they were characters

Your purse is large, square and metal

The purse has scratches from being used in a fight

It has scratches from being kicked on the dance floor

This is the reason it was scratched in a fight

You think bats are "cute"

You argue on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic view on vampires

You can debate both sides of that argument

You've participated in one of those "Do you think Tom Cruise was good as Lestat?" conversations

You've started one of those conversations

You saw Valor on the street, you would throw your large, metal purse at him

You and your friends enjoy congregating in a local graveyard

No one you know is buried there

You and your friends take lengthy drives to visit non-local graveyards

You take pictures of the gravestones while reciting Oscar Wylde or singing "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths

You know the words to "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths

You know who The Smiths are

Your favorite poem is "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe

Your favorite poem is "Metamorphosis of a Vampire" by Charles Baudelaire

You spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre

Your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way they used to

Your girlfriend complains that you look better in her black, velvet skirt than she does

You refer to others as "The Normals"

You refer to our leather-clad brethren as "Those Industrialites" or "Industrial-heads"

You go to South Beach, but have never seen the ocean

You can reminisce through all 4 locations of The Kitchen Club and 2 of The Church

You put on The Wake and practice dancing in front of the mirror

You practice with your own personal strobe AND blacklight

You are too poor to afford either and stole the lights off the Christmas tree

You can't even tell whether you're looking for a missing contact or dancing

You are happy when no one has ever heard of your favorite band

When someone else "discovers" you're favorite band, you find another favorite band

Christians accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently

Jehovah's Witnesses accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently

You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street

Satanists just look at you and smile

You laugh hysterically during those Church Of Latter-Day Saints commercials

You call for the free Bible anyway

You take great pleasure in vandalizing said Bible after waiting impatiently by your mailbox for 4-6 weeks

You stop vandalizing the Bible momentarily to look up Psalm 69

In your honest opinion, the image of Jesus ruins the beauty and natural fluidity of the cross

You've been with your significant other for over a year and still wonder what they look like without make up

You and your boyfriend fight over make up

You decide to get matching his/hers make up caddies to separate your make up

You smudge your lipstick on purpose to look like Robert Smith

You eat those limited edition pop-tarts just because they have bats on them

You save them because Hey!...they're limited edition

You call them goth-tarts

You know what Renfield's Disease is

You have Renfield's Disease

You have taken anything on this list personally

You were offended

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