You might be "goth" if...
- You pay 6 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit
- You wear sunglasses in the produce department at night
- You won't get in a fight because it might smudge your make up
- You wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black lipstick on your face
- People can't tell whether you're searching for a missing contact or dancing
- The only day you feel normal is Halloween
- You don't know whether the person you're sleeping with is male or female until you're actually in bed with them
- You don't care
- The shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper"
- You were rooting for the vampires in "From Dusk Til Dawn", "Lost Boys", etc.
- The Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child
- You watch Sesame Street as an adult just to see The Count
- You wear long, velvet coats in the middle of summer
- You go to Denny's at 5 in the morning and think, "These are my people"
- You think dead flowers are prettier than live ones
- You think anything dead is pretty
- You refer to your age in mortal years
- You give yourself the honorary title of Lord or Lady
- You know what a Malkavian is
- You know what a Malkavian is because you've been there, done that
- You have the t-shirt
- You dressed as The Crow for Halloween one year
- You have dressed as The Crow for Halloween the past few years
- The club you frequent has concocted an original drink called "The Vampire's Kiss"
- You buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose
- You think blood is "pretty"
- Your combat boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child for two years
- You've willingly undergone cosmetic dental surgery
- You own 16 or more Cleopatra c.d.'s
- You own even 1 Projekt c.d.
- Friday the Thirteenth is your lucky day
- You can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier
- You decide Wednesday blows them both away
- You could easily blow $500 in a Halloween store
- You could spend all $500 on just make up
- You were disappointed to find out that "American Gothic" is a portrait of two farmers
- You claim the Chupacabra is a friend/relative of yours
- You own a hearse
- You own a hearse and don't work in a funeral parlor
- You keep a coffin in the back as "decoration"
- You keep a coffin in the back as a bed
- You think of the hearse as the "family car"
- You think heresy is a religion
- You claim heresy as YOUR religion
- You own a rosary that you wear
- You own many rosaries that you wear
- You own a glow-in-the-dark rosary that alternates between your neck and the rearview mirror in your car
- You fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000 years
- You wish to name your first born Lestat
- You plan to name your first born after ANY Anne Rice character
- You didn't know they were characters
- Your purse is large, square and metal
- The purse has scratches from being used in a fight
- It has scratches from being kicked on the dance floor
- This is the reason it was scratched in a fight
- You think bats are "cute"
- You argue on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic view on vampires
- You can debate both sides of that argument
- You've participated in one of those "Do you think Tom Cruise was good as Lestat?" conversations
- You've started one of those conversations
- You saw Valor on the street, you would throw your large, metal purse at him
- You and your friends enjoy congregating in a local graveyard
- No one you know is buried there
- You and your friends take lengthy drives to visit non-local graveyards
- You take pictures of the gravestones while reciting Oscar Wylde or singing "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths
- You know the words to "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths
- You know who The Smiths are
- Your favorite poem is "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe
- Your favorite poem is "Metamorphosis of a Vampire" by Charles Baudelaire
- You spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre
- Your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way they used to
- Your girlfriend complains that you look better in her black, velvet skirt than she does
- You refer to others as "The Normals"
- You refer to our leather-clad brethren as "Those Industrialites" or "Industrial-heads"
- You go to South Beach, but have never seen the ocean
- You can reminisce through all 4 locations of The Kitchen Club and 2 of The Church
- You put on The Wake and practice dancing in front of the mirror
- You practice with your own personal strobe AND blacklight
- You are too poor to afford either and stole the lights off the Christmas tree
- You can't even tell whether you're looking for a missing contact or dancing
- You are happy when no one has ever heard of your favorite band
- When someone else "discovers" you're favorite band, you find another favorite band
- Christians accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently
- Jehovah's Witnesses accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently
- You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street
- Satanists just look at you and smile
- You laugh hysterically during those Church Of Latter-Day Saints commercials
- You call for the free Bible anyway
- You take great pleasure in vandalizing said Bible after waiting impatiently by your mailbox for 4-6 weeks
- You stop vandalizing the Bible momentarily to look up Psalm 69
- In your honest opinion, the image of Jesus ruins the beauty and natural fluidity of the cross
- You've been with your significant other for over a year and still wonder what they look like without make up
- You and your boyfriend fight over make up
- You decide to get matching his/hers make up caddies to separate your make up
- You smudge your lipstick on purpose to look like Robert Smith
- You eat those limited edition pop-tarts just because they have bats on them
- You save them because Hey!...they're limited edition
- You call them goth-tarts
- You know what Renfield's Disease is
- You have Renfield's Disease
- You have taken anything on this list personally
- You were offended
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