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Dale Earnhardt JR
THE BEST DAMN RACER IN NASCAR

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NASCAR Samaritans
There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a race, when they see an accident on the side of the road so they pull over! They go to help the victim, but they realize she is naked, so they take off their hats. The first guy was a Earnhardt fan, and put his hat over her left breast. The second guy was a Elliot fan, and put it over her right breast!! The last guy was a Gordon fan, and put his hat over her crotch. When the police arrived, the officer looks at the girl and goes to evaluate. He first picks up the Earnhardt hat, puts it back down and writes something down. He does the same with the Elliot hat. Then he picks up the Gordon hat and puts it down then picks it up again. He does this several times until the Gordon fan says, "What are you? Some kind of pervert?" The officer replies, "No, I just usually find an asshole under one of these hats."

Terry Labonte gets a call from Jeff Gordon. "I've got a problem," says Jeffy. "What's the matter?" asks Terry. "Well, I was snooping through the free promotional stuff in your Garage and I found this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks Terry. "It's of a big rooster," replies Jeff. "All right," says Terry, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Jeff's house and Jeff says, "Thanks for coming over." Jeff leads Terry into the kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table. Terry looks at the jigsaw & then turns to Jeff and says, "For God's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the box!"

Q: Give an Example of Gross Ignorance. A: 144 Gordon Fans

Three race fans are going to the exhibition race in Mexico, when they are mistakenly arrested and are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the Mark Martin Fan and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the Martin Fan runs away. Next, they place the Dale Jarrett Fan in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the Dale Jarrett Fan escapes. Next up is the Gordon Fan. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

Jeff Gordon is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," Gordo says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains The Wonder Boy. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks The Rainbow Warrior, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying Geoff Bodine, Jimmy Spencer and Jeff Gordon were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." "Wonderful!" Gordon beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be a accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

Albert Einstein decides to take a tour of heaven and check out the new inductees. So he begins his walk and he sees a man playing the piano and he spends some time talking with him about Bach, Beethoven and Various other forms of Instrumental Music. He then sees a man building a house and spends some time talking about architecture and designs. He continues his walk and he sees a man who is beating a bag of raw chicken parts over his head, peeing rampantly and rubbing feces all over himself, So Einstein walks over to him and says "How About That Jeff Gordon?"