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Advance copy of Steve Jobs' Macworld keynote

Copy this page fast. We expect Apple legal will force us to take it down any moment.
Through a well placed source at Apple, Right On Mac has obtained a copy of the current draft of
the keynote Steve Jobs will deliver at next week's Macworld Expo in San Francisco. It is choc-full of surprises.

The draft is still a work in progress, but contains many juicy tidbits. It is a lengthy document,
so we have studied it carefully and have excerpted parts that we feel will be most interesting to
our readers. Please copy this page before it is yanked.

Steve Jobs keynote: Macworld Expo San Francisco 2001

Blah, blah, blah

And now I have an incredible announcement! I am pleased to announce that we have enhanced our iTools functionality. A new feature we call iReject bounces all complaint letters sent to Apple back to the original sender. Well, this really is only good for us, but I thought you'd like to know.

We do have some other amazing new iTools features that are available today! You can't use them yet though.
They are only compatible with OS X final. Since nobody has it yet, we have a couple more months to work the bugs out.

Blah, blah, blah

And yes, the moment you've been waiting for. [Mysterious object is wheeled onto the stage shrouded by a drop cloth. Steve teases the audience by peeking underneath.] Oh, you want to see what's under here too!? [chuckle]. Behold! [Pulls drop cloth from mystery object to reveal a strawberry iMac.]

That's right, it's a strawberry iMac! But what you don't see is the new and improved G3 chip inside. It now runs at an unstoppable 550 MHz, thanks to our good friends at Motorola! The G4 chip could not be accelerated past 500 MHz, so Motorola has cleverly engineered a way to overclock the G3!

Blah, blah, blah

I hope you don't think this is all I came with! We're just getting started! Now I have an unbelievable announcement for you. Woz has been invited back to Apple! Well, he turned us down, but I thought you'd like to know.

Blah, blah, blah

There has never been a more exciting time at Apple than right now. We have so many cool products waiting in the wings. And now, yes now, I am going to share one of those products with you. It's called Airport! Oh, wait, we've already done that. Well, it's a little faster this year!

Blah, blah, blah,

Oh, and just one more thing! Did you think you were going to get out of here without one more incredible revelation!? [Giant screen lowers behind Steve.] Take a look at this beauty. We call it the Cube Book. [Image of a G4 Cube appears on screen.]

That's our new G3 Cube Book! Yeah, it looks like a G4 Cube, but it has several major differences. First, the back is an eight inch LCD screen! Sure it's cramped, but that's the price you pay for style.

The new Cube Book will match the new G3 550 iMac in speed! Powered by a Lithium Ion battery, it can run at peak performance for one and half hours! It might be bulky, but look at this! [Animation on screen reveals a retractable handle.] You'll look pretty smart carrying this baby around campus! [Note to Steve: If anyone asks about the keyboard, tell them that's a feature we're working on for Rev. A.]

Thank you, and enjoy the Expo!