-Memphis, TN. - It has been
proven that Elvis is alive, say experts at the Memphis Centre for
Elvis Investigation, but that proof
may not be how people perceive it would be.
"Elvis definetly died on August
16, 1977" says Chief Investigator Angus McMurphy, "but he has
returned from the dead several
times. Mr. McMurphy was imported from Scotland to try a new
technique in the investigation
known as the "egg theory."
"Generally, I go to the Grave, and
I put a good bottle of Scotch down along with a candle and
an egg. If there are spirits at
the grave, then we can tell these things by how these items react."
an emphatic Mr. McMurphy stated
while eating a large potato.
"In Mr. Presley's case, I put the
egg there, and she cracked open. Lo and behold the egg
cracked open and Elvis' face was
inside it. This proves he is able to come back from the dead if
there are eggs present."
The incident took a twist that even
Dr. McMurphy wasn't expecting. Elvis' image changed a few
seconds after he witnessed it.
"The Bloke had green hair! Just like he were a plant!" Exalted Dr. McMurphy.
AlienWatch Expert John Griswold was then called in on the investigation. He has revealed that
The ritual was so powerful that
it cracked the egg, and Elvis, no longer having a home, appeared
to Dr. McMurphy. The green foliage
extending from his cranial region was the result of a Chia
Pet invasion, which also aided
in bringing Elvis back to life.According to Mr. Griswold "not as
we knew him" however.
"Elvis has suffered a chia pet invasion.
He will never be the same. In fact he dissapeared on us.
He seems to have gone into hiding.
Investigators are currently searching the area shrubbery as
he may have used it for camoflauge."
Mr. Griswold said in a news conference earlier today.
Other strange incidents have occurred
this week at the grave of Elvis Aaron Presley. Mass
hysteria is on the rampage as frantic
fans scattter from around the world to try the egg theory out
at the Gravesite in Graceland,
some having dyed their hair green or added twigs and shrubbery
in hopes of "coaxing" elvis out
of hiding. One woman is reported to have been trampled to death
by a large elephant of African
Descent that apparently appeared after the Voodoo ritual while
on her way to the Elvis Shrine.
Graceland officials deny that elvis
has come back to life, as well as that he may be possessed by
an alien.
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