Diary Of A Slave
Diary of a slave
Since i became Master's slave in real life, it seemed appropriate to begin a new diary, as i have entered a new phase of my life with
my Master. Thank you for sharing this with us.
If you'd like to read my diary entries prior to our going real-time, you may do so here.
June 16, 1998
WOW!!! Last night, and today, have been so incredible!!!! My meeting with Master went so much better than I could have
ever anticipated! I was a nervous wreck last night, but Master was so understanding and patient, he put no pressure on me
at all to do more than I was ready for. We had a great talk, and it just felt so good to finally be held in my Master's arms, to
touch him, kiss him, be with him. Today, I was more relaxed about everything, and things just went so well. It was better than
I had ever hoped that it could be. We definitely "click" real life, just like we do online and on the phone. I will never, ever
forget how it felt to be held in his arms, kissed, just to BE with him. There is more about this meeting here.
June 17, 1998
Today I still just can't get the memory of my Master's touch out of my mind. It was so incredible to be with him at long last, to
become "real" as his slave and to serve him as a true, real slave. I know now that what we have is so real, and so special.
We are very lucky to have found what we have together.
June 19, 1998
I've had some time now, since my meeting with Master, to think back on our special 22 hours together. He has sent me a very
special, wonderful card to let me know his feelings about our meeting. That was very special to me, the fact that he would take
the time to be sure that I knew he felt as special about our time together as I do. These are memories that we will both cherish
forever. The feelings I got while serving him, in real life, as his slave, were the most incredible feelings that I've ever had. I can't
begin to describe the feel of his touch for the first time, or his first kiss. I will always, always, feel so very special about those 22
hours that we had together. He's been back on IRC, for a couple of days anyway; I'm getting ready to meet him on IRC in just
a few minutes. Once he heads back home, I'll be without him again for a few days, but I know that what we have is special and
will see us both through the trying times we are going through. It is ironic, really, that the worst of times for us in some ways, are
what led to our real life meeting, which is the most special time that I can imagine.
June 20, 1998
Today i said a temporary good-bye to Master again, as He will be travelling and unavailable for a few days. It was so wonderful
to have Him back on IRC, even for just a couple of days. Since we went real-time, i was actually a little bit unsure about how
the cyber side of our relationship would be, if it would still be fulfulling after experiencing the "real thing." Well.....i definitely
found out! The cyber time that we had together the past couple of days was, if anything, even more special, now that we both
have our real-time experiences to remember, to draw on, and to build on. i have found that we truly do have a unique and a
multifaceted relationship; not necessarily one i would have ever thought i'd be part of, but i would not trade what we have now
together for anything.
June 24, 1998
Today, I'm still reeling from my conversation on IRC with Master yesterday. I guess I saw it coming, but wasn't ready to face
the fact that our relationship is changing, most definitely. I guess the big change really happened once we met, in real life. I
had thought that we would just go on indefinitely the way we were; chatting on IRC, phone calls sometimes, and maybe a visit
now and then. I think, maybe, that would have been enough for me, but I know now that it isn't for Master. We can't go back
to what we were before. What we have is much too real and to intense, to just try and keep it in a tidy little box. I am really
starting to think that maybe what we have now is something neither of us can control, I think we have to either give in to it, or
let it go entirely. I can't tell you how much it hurts me to even consider the possibility of not having Master in my life. I'm not
sure that I can face that possibility. But, if I want to hang on to what we have, I am going to have to face some realities about
my own personal life that I have been working very, very hard to ignore. I can't do that anymore. No matter what happens, I
know that there is just no way to keep on "going through the motions" the way I have been. Reality has got to face, and dealt
with, soon. I wish I knew the right thing to do, I know what my heart wants, but I have more to think about than just that. I
am so grateful that Master is willing to give me the time that I need, He's not pressuring me; just let me know how he feels and
how things have to be for him. I do know I love him...so much...at least that's one thing I'm clear on. The rest, well, I'll just have
to handle the best way that I can.
June 30, 1998
I haven't updated my diary in a few days; with my daughter home for the summer, I'm real busy, and I've also been doing a lot
of soul-searching. I have reached a major turning point in my life, and right now, I just am not sure where I am headed. I do
know what I want, and what my Master wants; but, there are more people to think about; especially my daughter. I have to
put her first, ahead of anything else. Its up to me to try and make a decision that is going to have a major impact on her life,
no matter what it is I decide. It would sure be nice to have all the answers, to just "know", beyond a doubt, exactly what the
right decision for her would be. Unfortunately, I don't know that. I just have to try and follow my heart and my soul, figure out
what I think would be best, and hope and pray that I'm right. Master is doing all that he can to make this decision as easy as
he can for me, and I am more grateful to him for that than I could ever express. He is not putting pressure on me to give him
an immediate decision; he understands how difficult this is for me, and is being as flexible as he can be. Of course, this is also
a major decision for him, too; he has to decide whether he will or can take on the responsibility of a child that is not his own. I
know that he can handle it; its just the way he is. Still, its going to be an enormous change for him. We talk a lot about things,
major issues, but also little smaller details; trying to work this thing out the best way that we can. As he says, if we are destined
to be together, things will work out.
July 6, 1998
Things have been so insane in my real life the past week or so, I've been pretty much a basket case. I'm trying to make some
decisions about what direction my life is going to take, and its just so hard! I know what I want, but I also have my daughter
and the rest of my family to think about. My Master, too, of course!!! I feel, right now, like I'm being very, very greedy, "wanting
it all" and probably I guess I am, at least at this point. A part of me wants to think that there is still some hope for my marriage
to work itself out, and maybe there is. Its real hard to just turn and walk away from the past 18 years. Also, of course, there is
my daughter to consider. How the decisions that I make now will impact her in the future; its so scary being a parent. You have
this little life completely in your hands; and they do NOT come with an instruction manual! You just have to follow your heart and
do what you feel is best---if you can figure out what the hell that is!!! Of course, my daughter really is the most important part
of my life; and I can't imagine what life would be like without her, complications and all. Master called today on the phone; it
just helped SO MUCH to just hear the sound of his voice. I will never get tired of it, and it is always so very sexy! Its just as
exciting to me now as it was the first time I ever spoke to him. We had the most wonderful talk today. I told him how confused
I am feeling, and he was so incredibly understanding and patient. He is putting no pressure on me at all; he's letting me deal
with things in my own time and in my own way. I just love him more all the time; there seems to be no end to the amount of love
that I can feel for him. Of course, the sex is great!!! But, we also have a friendship that I treasure. Even without the sex, and
the D/s aspects of our relationship; I have never in my life had a friend like him. There is nothing that I cannot tell him, and I
am secure in knowing he will accept me, will not judge me; he lets me be who I am, he accepts every part of me. I know that
I would truly be lost without him.
July 18, 1998
Well, I am finally getting around to updating the site a little bit (Master had to punish me for my laziness to get me going!). I've
been having such a wonderful time with Master on irc lately! I was a little concerned that after we had met real-life, and become
real-life Master and slave, that perhaps the cyber times we share might not be as special. I was WRONG! If anything, having
become real-life Master and slave, seems to make our cyber times even more intense. It still feels just as real, if not more so,
than it ever was. I also feel like we've become even better friends than we were before. We have always been able to just
sit and talk with each other, about life in general, what was happening with family, jobs, etc., but that seems even stronger now.
I still find myself questioning whether this has all been a dream, if its possible to be this happy. If it is a dream, I know that I
sure don't want to wake up!
July 20, 1998
Today was a special day for Master and me. First, we both had alot more time than usual to spend together on IRC, so of course,
we both really enjoyed that. Also, we took our cyber a step further than we have in the past; Master asked me to do something
that I had never done before, and something that I quite honestly did not want to do, and did not think I could do, even "just
cyber." For us, our cyber scenes are as real as real-life; we both take it completely seriously, and the feelings we both get from
it are very real. Anyway, I wanted to please Him, so I obeyed, I submitted to His will. I did not like what happened, but I did get
an incredibly submissive feeling from obeying Master, and I loved it; the feelings were so intense, I felt so owned and controlled
by Him; it was fantastic. I am glad that I did submit. I know that He would have loved me just as much if I had told Him that I
just could not do what He wished; but, the fact that I did gave both of us a wonderful feeling of closeness, strengthened our
Master/slave relationship. Again, in the evening, we also did a more intense cyber scene than usual for us; Master took the
humiliation factor much more intensely that we had done before. It was, again, difficult for me to tolerate, but, after it was over,
I had such a warm, happy, and content feeling inside, at having served my Master, and submitted completely to Him. Its very
important to point out that after both episodes, Master was very loving, warm, and romantic; and He went out of His way to be
certain I knew that what we had done did not make Him not love me; in fact, it deepened our love for each other. Today my
Master helped me reach a new, deeper level of submission to Him, and I cherish these feelings.
Midi: I Want To Know What Love Is