1. The Female always makes the Rules. This is 
necessary because the Male holds the Female responsible 
for how everything in his life turns out. 

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without 
prior notification. Notification does occurs, but the 
Male has either ignored, misunderstood or forgotten 
what's been said. 

3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.  Because 
the Male either ignores, misunderstands or forgets them 
and never says so. 

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows the Rules, 
she must immediately change some of the Rules.  This is 
done to keep the Male involved, responsive, and a 
little bit crazy. Otherwise, life would be predicable 
and boring. 

5. The Female is never wrong.  Never!  Ever! 

6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant 
misunderstanding which is a direct result of something 
the Male said or did. 

7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize 
immediately for causing the misunderstanding. 

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point 
in time. The Female can do this because she willingly 
accepts responsibility for her actions.  The Female 
also accepts responsibility for the actions of the 
Male. 

9. Because the Male usually expects the Female to find 
a way to correct what he's screwed up as a result of 
changing his mind, the Male must never change his mind 
without express written consent from the Female which 
is given only in cases where the female wanted him to 
change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. 
See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13. 

10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for 
any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any 
circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems 
appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of 
the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. 
The female may, however, give false or misleading 
reasons to see if the male is paying attention. Caring 
for the Male 24 hours a day gives her this right.  See 
rule 13. 

11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the 
Female wants him to be angry or upset. 

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male 
know  whether she  wants him to be angry or upset. 
Some things in life a Male should try and figure out 
for himself. 

13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in 
bodily harm. Or worse. 

14. The male is expected to read the mind of the female 
at all times. Failure to do so will result in 
punishments and penalties imposed at the sole 
discretion of the female. 

15. The female may, at any time and for any reason, 
resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal 
or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of 
wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the 
male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, 
insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or 
oafish. 

16. The female may use her interpretation of any past 
occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has 
failed to accord her the consideration, respect, 
devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on 
other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, 
sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, 
aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non- 
rebuttable. 

17. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or 
Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner 
of behaviors she wishes without regard to logical 
consistency or accepted norms of human behavior. 

18. The Male cannot diagnose PMS.  However, the Male 
would be able to do so if it were a Male problem.  The 
Male would then have complete disability benefits as 
well as total in-house care because of it. 

19. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, 
utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is 
subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the 
female, other external factors not-withstanding. 
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, 
extenuations, or rationalizations will not be 
entertained. Abject please for mercy and forgiveness 
are acceptable under some circumstances, especially 
when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.