PART 10 of 12
- 226. Be sure to win people's favor.
Many people behave not according to who they are but the way they're obliged to. Anyone can convince us of the bad, for the bad is easily believed, though sometimes it seems incredible. The best and most we have depends on the respect of others. Some are content to be right, but it is not enough : one must also be diligent. Pleasing others costs little and is worth much. Deeds are bought with words. There is no trifling utensil in the house of the universe that isn't needed at least once a year. It is worth little, but much needed. Remember that when people speak about things, they follow their feelings.
- 227. Don't surrender to first impressions.
Some people marry the first information they receive, and turn what comes later into their concubine. Since deceit is always first to arrive, there is no room left for truth. Don't fill up your will with the first goal that occurs to you, nor your intelligence with the first proposition : it will show you have no depth. Some people are like new drinking vessels : they soak up the first aroma to reach them, whether the liquor is good or bad. When others learn of this limitation, they begin to scheme maliciously. Those with bad intentions dye credulity whatever color they want. There should always be time to look something over twice. Alexander kept his other ear for the other side of the story. Pay attention to your second and third informants. To be easily impressed shows a lack of depth and it is close to passion.
- 228. Don't be a scandal sheet.
Don't be known for impugning the fame of others. Don't be witty at someone else's expense : it is more odious than difficult. All will take revenge and speak ill of you, and since you are one and others are many, you'll be easily defeated. Take no content in the ills of others, and don't comment on them. A gossip is always detested. He may mingle with great people, but they will value him as a source of amusement, not of prudence. And he who speaks ill hears worse.
- 229. Parcel out your life wisely.
Not confusedly, in the rush of events, but with foresight and judgment. Life is painful without a rest, like a long day's journey without an inn. What makes life pleasant is a variety of learning. For a beautiful life, spend the first act in conversation with the dead : we are born to know and to know ourselves, and books turn us faithfully into people. Spend the second act with the living : behold all that is good in the world. Not all things are found in one region. In distributing the dowry, the universal Father sometimes gave wealth to his ugliest daughter. The third act belongs entirely to you : to philosophize is the highest delight of all.
- 230. Open your eyes before it is too late.
Not all who see have opened their eyes, nor all who look, see. To realize something too late brings no relief, only sorrow. Some start to see when there is nothing left to see : they lost their homes and affairs before they found themselves. It is hard to give understanding to someone with no will, and more difficult to give will to someone with no understanding. People circle these people like blind men, mocking them. Because they are deaf to advice, they do not open their eyes to see. Some people encourage this blindness : the are because others are not. It is an unlucky horse whose owner has no eyes. He will never grow sleek.
- 231. Never show half-finished things to others.
Let them be enjoyed in their perfection. All beginnings are formless, and what lingers is the image of that deformity. The memory of having seen something imperfect spoils our enjoyment when it is finished. To take in a large object at a single glance keeps us from appreciating the parts, but it satisfies our taste. Before it is, everything it is not, and when it begins to be, it is still very close to nonbeing. It is revolting to watch even the most succulent dish being cooked. Great teachers are careful not to let their works be seen in embryo. Learn from nature, and don't show them until they look good.
- 232. Have a touch of the practical.
Not everything should be speculation; you must also act. The wisest are easiest to deceive : they may know extraordinary things, but they know nothing of life's ordinary necessities. The contemplation of sublime things keeps them from lowly, easy ones, and because they don't know the first things about living -- an area where everyone else is so sharp -- they are either marveled over or considered ignorant by the superficial crowd. So let the wise have a touch of the practical, enough not to be deceived and mocked. Know how to get things done : it may not be the highest thing in life, but it is the most necessary. What good is knowledge if it isn't practical? These days true knowledge lies in knowing how to live.
- 233. Don't mistake other people's tastes, giving pain instead of pleasure.
Some people try to win favor and end up being annoying, for they don't understand the character of others. The same thing flatters some and insults others. What you thought a service turns into an offense. Sometimes it would have taken less trouble to please than it did to annoy. You lose the gratitude and ruin the gift when you've lost all direction in pleasing others. If you don't understand someone else's character, you won't be able to satisfy him. This is why some people think they are praising and are really being insulting : a well-deserved punishment. Others think they are flattering us with their eloquence, and they are really battering our souls with their gab.
- 234. If you trust your honor to someone else, keep his in pledge.
The penalty for speaking too much and the advantages of silence should be the same for both of you. Where honor is involved, all must share the same interests, and one's own reputation should make one look out for that of others. It's better not to confide in others, but if you do, arrange matters skillfully so that your confidant will show not only prudence but caution. Share the risk, so that both of you are obeying a common interest and your confidant will not turn into a witness against you.
- 235. Know how to ask.
There is nothing more difficult for some, or easier for others. There are some who do not know how to say no; you need no lever, no skeleton key to deal with them. Others say no automatically, and here you need effort. With all of them, do things at the right moment. Catch them when they are in good spirits, after their minds or bodies have been feasting, unless, of course, they are attentive enough to penetrate your intent. Days of pleasure are those when people do favors; for joy flows from the inner man to the outer. Don't draw near when you see somebody else being refused something, for there is no longer any fear of saying no. Nor will you gain anything from the sad. Placing people in your debt beforehand is good currency, unless they are base and vile and feel no obligation to return a favor.
- 236. Turn someone's reward into a favor.
It is shrewd policy. Bestowing favors rather than simply rewarding merit shows a certain nobility. Favors done quickly are twice as excellent. Something given early is more binding to the receiver. And second, obligation turns into gratitude. This is a subtle transformation : you begin by paying a debt and end up passing it on to your creditor. This works only among well-bred people. Among knaves, the honorarium paid beforehand acts as a bit, not as a spur.
- 237. Never share your secrets with those greater than you.
You may think you'll share pears, but you'll share only the parings. Many perished by being confidants. They were like the spoons made from bread crusts, and came to the same quick end. To hear a prince's secrets isn't a privilege but a burden. Many smash the mirror that reminds them of their ugliness. They can't stand to see those who saw them. You won't be seen well if you've seen something unfavorable. You should never hold anyone greatly in your debt, especially not the powerful. And hold them with favors you've done, not with those you've received. The confidences of friends are the most dangerous of all. The person who tells his secrets to another makes himself a slave, and this is a violence that the sovereign cannot bear. To recover their lost freedom they will trample on everything, even reason. Secrets? Neither hear them nor speak them.
- 238. Know what piece you are missing.
Many would be complete people if they had the piece they needed to reach the height of perfect being. Some would be much if they paid attention to very little. Some lack seriousness, and this darkens great talents. Others lack gentleness, which is something their friends and family miss very quickly, especially when they hold power. Some lack quick execution, and others the ability to stop and meditate. If they noticed these defects, they could easily make up for them. For care can turn habit into a second nature.
- 239. Don't be overly clever.
Better to be prudent. If you sharpen your wits too much, you will miss the point, or break your point : that is what happens to common subtlety. Common sense is safer. It is good to be intelligent, but not to be a pedant. Much reasoning is a kind of disputing. Better a substantial judgment that reasons only as much as it needs to.
- 240. Make use of folly.
Even the wisest person sometimes puts this piece into play, and there are occasions when the greatest knowledge lies in appearing to have none. You needn't be ignorant, only pretend to be so. Wisdom matters little to fools, and madmen care little for sanity. So speak to everyone in his own tongue. The fool isn't the person who pretends to be foolish, but the one who is, for there is no foolishness where there is artifice. To be admired by others, wear the hide of an ass.
- 241. Allow yourself to be joked about, but don't joke about others.
The first is a sort of courtesy, but the second will get you into difficulties. The person who is ill-humored at a party is even more of a beast than he appears to be. Excellent jokes are pleasant, and to know how to take them is a sign of talent. If you show you are piqued, you'll make others pick at you again. There is a moment to stop joking and not provide occasion for more. The most serious problems have arisen from joking. There is nothing that requires more attention and skill. Before you begin, know how much someone else can take.
- 242. Follow through on your victories.
Some people do everything to begin and nothing to end. Fickle characters, they start but don't persist. They never win praise because they carry on but don't carry through. To them everything is over before it ends. The Spaniard is known for his impatience, as the Belgian is for his patience. The latter finishes things, the former finishes them off; he sweats until he has conquered difficulty, is content to conquer, but doesn't know how to carry through on his victory. He proves that he can but doesn't want to. This is always a defect : it shows either inconstancy or having rashly attempted the impossible. What is worth doing is worth finishing. If it isn't worth finishing, why begin at all? The wise don't merely stalk their prey, they make the kill.
- 243. Don't be all dove.
Let the guile of the serpent alternate with the innocence of the dove. No one is easier to fool than a good man; the person who never lies believes others easily, and the one who never deceives trusts others. Being fooled isn't always a sign of foolishness; sometimes it shows goodness. Two kinds of people are good at foreseeing danger : those who have learned at their own expense and the clever people who learn a great deal at the expense of others. You should be as cautious at foreseeing difficulties as you are shrewd at getting out of them. Don't be so good that you give others the chance to be bad. Be part serpent and part dove; not a monster, but a prodigy.
- 244. Place others in your debt.
Some people disguise their own profit as the profit of others : they make it appear they are granting a favor when they are really receiving one. Some are so shrewd that they bestow honor by asking a favor; and they honor others with their own gain. They arrange things so that others seem to be paying them their due when they give them something. Extraordinarily clever, they scramble the order of doing favors and cast doubt upon who is favoring whom. They buy the best things with simple praise. By showing they like something, they bestow honor and flattery. They stake a claim on the courtesy of others, making a debt out of something they themselves should have felt grateful for. They use the verb oblige in the active voice rather than in the passive, and are better at politics than at grammar. This is a great subtlety, but it is even more subtle to catch someone doing it, undo the exchange, return someone's honor, and recover the advantage.
- 245. Sometimes you should reason with uncommon sense.
It betokens a superior talent. Don't think highly of the person who never opposes you. It doesn't show that he loves you, it shows he loves himself. Don't be fooled by flattery : don't reward it, condemn it. Consider it an honor to be criticized, especially by those who speak ill of good people. You should be pained when your things please everyone; it is a sign that they are not good, for perfection belongs to only a few.
- 246. Don't give explanations to those who haven't asked for them.
And although they are asked for, it is folly to give them too eagerly. To offer excuses before they are called for is to incriminate yourself, and to bleed yourself when you are healthy is to attract malady and malice. Excusing yourself beforehand awakens suspicions that were fast asleep. The prudent person should never blink before the suspicions of others : that would be looking for offense. He should try to dissimulate with a firm, righteous manner.
- 247. Know a little more, live a little less.
Some say the opposite. The right kind of leisure is better than the wrong kind of work. We have nothing to call our own but time, the only abode of the helpless and homeless. Life is precious, and it is as foolish to spend it on mechanical tasks as to spend too much of it on lofty ones. Burden yourself neither with occupations nor with envy. You will trample on life and suffocate the spirit. Some extend this principle to knowledge, but one cannot live if one doesn't know.
- 248. Don't be obsessed with the latest.
Impertinence always goes to extremes, and there are people who only believe the latest thing they've heard. Their senses and desires are made of wax : whatever it is, the "latest" impresses them and wipes out all that went before. These people are as easily won as lost. Everyone paints them a different color. They are bad confidants : children who never grow up. Fickle in their judgments and affections, they are always in flux, with a limping will and judgment, tilting this way or that.
- 249. Don't start living when you should be ending.
Some rest at the beginning and leave their efforts and fatigue for last. Do the essential things first, and later, if there is time, those that are accessory. Some want to triumph before they struggle. Others begin their studies with what matters least and postpone what can bring renown and usefulness until the end of their lives. Some people grow vain as soon as they have begun to make their fortune. Method is essential in knowing and in living.
- 250. When should we reason backward?
When we are spoken to with malice. Some people reverse everything : yes is no and no is yes. If they criticize something, it means they think highly of it. Because they covet it for themselves, they try to discredit it for others. Not all praise involves speaking well. Some people avoid praising the good by praising the bad. If someone finds no one bad, he can find no one good.
ON TO APHORISMS 251-275