A Brighter Future Forseen

Yes, you heard it here first. Unless, of course you are a regular reader of the message boards. Mark Corp will be bringing a brighter for future city any time soon. The brightest parts will not be available at the initial opening party but should follow soon after. At launch the Mark Corp Towers will contain an all new and modern branch of Marks News, and offices for Marks Publishers (publishers of Fortunian Times) and Marks Travel. They will replace the current buildings at 19 Silverstone Way, Silverstone.

A campaign for the preservation of these historic buildings is underway. Send an email to [email protected] if you think they should be conserved.

Mark Corp promises to bring a brighter future for Fortune City, it will add a hospital, neighbourhood watch scheme and more, in an attempt to bring Fortune City to become a safer place to live and a more productive community.

It is scheduled to come online sometime this month, provided all goes to plan. Watch the message boards for details.

Signs from Kenya

Funny signs around the country:

In a Nairobi restaurant "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

In a Westlands jewelry store "Ears pierced while you wait."

In the window of an Indian store along River Road "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

On the grounds of a private school "No trespassing without permission."

On an Athi River highway "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

On a poster at Kencom "Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a City restaurant "Open seven days a week and weekends."

One of the Mathare buildings "Mental Health Prevention Center"

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer "Do not activate with wet hands."

In a Pumwani maternity ward "No children allowed."

In an cemetery "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

In a Thika hotel. "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing please dont read this notice."

In a hotel in Mombasa "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily."

A sign posted in a tourist camping park "It is strictly forbidden on our camping sites that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."

In a Hindu temple. "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

In a New Nairobi Club "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."

In the same club "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."


Submitted by: Steve Muasya
Passed on by Lady Kythera Ann

In an attempt to be politically correct, here is the latest information for teachers students and parents. (pm)
Educational Versions of Politically Correct:

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure
prohibitive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-rententive athletic footwear."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."