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Classes
Scout: Skip
Skip Skip is, without a doubt, the most Hyperactive member of James' team. This is partly because of his "Quick Juice," or as we known them, shots of adrenaline. Now I don't advise taking a shot of adrenaline, as it would probably kill you, but not Skip. Don't quote me on that, I'm no doctor. We first got to meet Skip in Episode Two. In fact we met him while James was in bed. Skip woke him up rather abruptly, in such an annoying way most of us would want to kill him. Which was the underling purpose all along, because shortly after James was taken out to training ground and instructed to splatter Skip across the walls. When James tried to do this, he came to the same frustration that many people do when they try to battle a well-trained scout, hitting nothing but air. To further drive home the point of Skip's "L337 Sk1llz" and slightly more down to earth sense of humor, I decided he would most likely nab the pellets from mid-air. He's not the bloodthirsty thug that James is, and most people think he would be fairly na�ve. In truth, he was based off a few fairly na�ve movie characters. I mainly based him off of Mouse from The Matrix, and also Raymond from The Rainman. Because I always like to have someone I know rooted into a character, I threw in a little bit of what one of my friends was like in the Sixth grade. This was pure viciousness on my part, but I think he wouldn't be too offended because Skip is one of the more likable characters, even if he's not one of the more liked characters. I know a few of you are thinking that Skip acts like a hyperactive twelve-year old, so he must be that age. You go ahead and think that. For the rest of you, let me fill you in on the truth. Skip is most likely the oldest person we'll ever encounter in JJ. His Genetic structure, constant shots, and other things I don't fully understand help to keep him looking in perpetual youth, while he retains a vast amount of knowledge in his noggin. Don't underestimate his experience or intelligence, as James has done. Skip knows about military tactics. He's quickly able to look at the layout of the land, and formulate massive plans as to how they should set up for an oncoming battle. He obtained his low rank for being somewhat of a pushover. In the past his superior offices have taken credit for his ideas and plans. Adding to this is his unwillingness for Black Ops, something his speed and intelligence would make him excellent for. Skip has an odd likeness for James. I'm not really sure why this is, but he likes the guy. You can't always explain friendship. While Skip refuses to drink with James, James for some reason doesn't hate the little guy. This is slightly a reflection of my friend and I, where while we didn't share many of the same pastimes (I being an athlete at the time and he being a computer nerd) we still somehow remained friends. Until the roles reversed, and now he won't talk to me. Moving on. Skip has in store some of the biggest surprises in him. He's a friend with James, but lets James be mislead as to his intelligence level, enthusiasm, and even his age. He is extremely talented, and is quicker in his mind than he is in his excessively fast body. Because of his speech pattern, I find him fun to write, but in lieu of this, he is often times one of the easiest to write.
Velcro Velcro is a soldier, and as such, it makes sense that he's leading the team. He is crafty, deceptive, intelligent, and willing to kill his own team if needed. Everything a good commander needs to be. He also makes his first appearance in the first Episode, which probably makes him important, remind, me later to check with someone who would know. In the first Episode, we find Velcro splattering James across the room. He is definitely willing to kill his own team to drive home a point, or protect things he cares a great deal about from harm. He probably would have done the same thing for any member of his team, but the victim James had in mind struck Velcro particularly hard. Mary is the object of Velcro's affection. Some might think this because she is the only female we've encountered thus far. They are probably the same people who think Skip is 12, and are entirely wrong: we don't have to tell them though. Velcro is highly scrupulous, and wouldn't let his own pleasure get in the way of his team unless it only got in the way a little, and it was really nice. You notice Mary and Velcro only show their feelings when they don't think anyone is around. They try to keep it low key, so they don't interfere with the operations of the base. When you picture Velcro, think of your dad. If that doesn't help, think of my dad. He doesn't glorify his work, he does it, gets it over with, then tries to think about something else. Velcro has one slight problem that my dad does, Velcro lives in his work, and he finds it difficult to think about other things. He is also Chuck Norris. All-American, never say die, never leave a man behind, commando type. He wields a survival knife (Yes, I'm aware its not like that in TFC) with amazing skill, and is able to move throughout the base nearly undetected. He knows the base inside and out, because it's not only his job, but he loves his work. He loves it all, the napalm, his personalize shotgun, his extra-personalized rocket launcher, and as it happens, his personal doctor. As much as he loves it all, he is nearly fifty, and dreams of leaving it all. He would like to whisk Mary away, and start a family out on a farm somewhere, maybe Montana (I know all my Hunt for Red October fans are screaming "Easter Egg" here). He knows this is impossible, he knows he will be forever stuck inside this war, and he doesn't have enough of an idea where it is to run off and try to find a ship to Montana. Yes, I know boats don't exactly get to Montana easily, but I don't care. I'm the writer of this, and that makes me the boss, if I say you can take a ship to Montana, you can, so neah. The main controversy in much of the story so far has been whether or not Velcro is a spy. He certainly has been involved in one or two "questionable" circumstances. Well I can tell you this much, he's not. Because Soldiers can't be spies, it's against the rules. And we all know that I NEVER break the TFC rules in JJ. OK, so that last comment was a little more than dripping with sarcasm, but did you really expect for me to give away that big of a secret in a Character Bio? Besides, if I told you now, then you'd have no reason to read the upcoming Episodes. Now then, I'm loosing my train of thought about Velcro, so let's consider this ended, huh?
Boomer Boomer, without a doubt is on my top two list of the most controversial characters. He's either closely following or closely leading James. This shocked me more than anyone else I think. I didn't try to write him that way, I think that just kinda happened. Boomer is a French Demoman. A few people questioned me on this, to which I told them Jean Reno. He is one of my favorite stereotyped actors, and I felt he fit this role perfectly. Unlike my more favorite characters, which I anticipated seeing more, I based Boomer off Mr. Reno alone and the basic American stereotype for the French. I really didn't anticipate seeing him all that much, in fact I was even going to perminately kill him off to start cutting down on the character list. That was, until I got some upsetting E-mail concerning this character. Now out of sheer spite for the racist words I received, I'm keeping him, and he's becoming one of the more main characters. Expect to see him a lot, if it was possible, in the next Episode, I'd like you to see him more than James, but that can't quite be done. Boomer likes to blow stuff up. This is where I stray from the general French stereotype, into the typical American Stereotype. Boomer loves to blow stuff up more than anything in the world, with the exception of a fine French wine. He finds it difficult to get any wine at all in his current situation, so when he gets it, he might kill just about anyone for it. Despite his love for wine, he is not a raging alcoholic like some Characters we know; he handles his drinking responsibly, and is not likely to get drunk. There's a real bit of Irony in Boomer, of all the characters, he is the most like James, and they mutually hate each other. Boomer is racist, or rather, he is counter-racist. He's the kind of person if you pull a knife on him; he'll pull a bigger knife. In that sense he's much like James. When these two get together, things quickly escalate, and can become dangerous in a matter of moments. Not tender moments alone, as certain Billy Joel songs might imply, evil sadistic moments that get worse until things really start to be evil. In the future, I expect we'll see Boomer become more of a nice guy. Again, I'm doing this directly because of some very nasty emails I received. I'm thinking I should glorify him, make him almost God-like. Because of the nature of those nasty emails, I won't disband that fact that he is French, but revel in it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not BITTER about that topic, but I have the feeling those are the kinds of people who are regularly featured on the second page of the Mailbag.
Mary Mary shares something special with James. She's the only character with a real name. Now hold up. Do you seriously want me to believe that you think Britty is a real name? I don't care if Scotty worked for you, no.
There's something about Mary, which has James wanting her. It's most likely the fact that she's female, but I could be wrong. After all, what do I know? I'm just a Here's an ironic place to bring in who I modeled her after. Like her namesake, she's partly modeled after my first love. OK, it was puppy love, but she was a real angel. Other than that particular angel, I modeled her after the angel that is one of my favorite actresses, Helen Hunt. You might be picking this up, but most of my characters are modeled after people I know, and actors. This helps relate them to my personal world, and then to the international world, so everyone has at least SOME idea. Away from the Irony of that last paragraph, we have who Mary lends her affection to. Velcro. The other man, as it would appear to many of you. I assure you, unlike everything else in JJ, this is no symbolism, it's not intended to mean anything, and it's really just there because it fit the characters. In all honesty, I really didn't know this was going on until James saw it. So does that mean that Mary is a traitor? Well she does speak Russian, but does speaking Russian make her a spy? Now lets think about this. I'm I the kind of person who would write a character based on my Ex as a traitor? OK, so I am, but if I told you she read this? OK, you got me again; I'd do that too. But not necessarily. Mary will almost certainly hold the same loyalties as her love, Velcro. Their hearts are as intertwined as, um, two things that are really intertwined. As a professional Mary is tops. If it came to it, she could do just about any operation in the world with wonderfully faster than light speed, and without any assistants. She doesn't have to, however, because of the cryo-tubes. These were my answer to the reason why you respawn in TFC. You can assume that because TFC is a game of this story I've written for it, the game is slightly more user friendly, and you don't have to wait for multiple hours to respawn. Mary hates to improvise however. She likes everything to be, exactly so. If her desk isn't in perfect order, she goes nuts. You know this kind of person, if their stapler is at 86 degrees, instead of a full 90, they spend the next hour trying to straiten it perfectly. So she's a perfectionist, that's what we all want in a doctor, right? Also, as I stated in the poll a while back, she bears a striking resemblance to our own LadyICE. Now, I didn't just do this to kiss ass. I saw ICE's picture in a certain interview she did a while back, and immediately I thought of how much she looked like the pictures of Mary I had formed in my head. So after some slight modifications to the picture in my head, I was ready to kiss ass. That is, I was ready cross in Mary with another person, bring the total number for her references to the magical and mythological three.
Jeebus Jeebus has a namesake that holds a special place in my heart. I stole it from one of my friends in chemistry class. He used the name for a redneck farmer driving his truck through an area and caused a massive chemical spill. It was for a project, and the name kept reappearing in class for different word problems "Mrs. Dunlap, could the person working in the test laboratory be named Jeebus?" To which I always hoped she'd answer, "No, he was an idiot, now quit asking." But she was too nice, and just laughed politely. So when I was looking for a name for a slow, yet genetically altered redneck, what else would I choose? Yes I did say genetically altered. I have in mind that the HWGuy is stronger than the normal man is. In fact, if they make this into a movie, I'm going to insist on a certain body-builder-turned-Conan to play Jeebus. The accent will be all wrong, but he doesn't talk much anyway. Stronger than normal is almost an understatement. He could bench press a tank, if they existed. And no, there are no used for vehicles in my story line other than transportation. There are reasons for that, but we won't go into that in this Bio. Where was I? Yes, stronger than 5 normal men, most certainly. Considering how strong he is, the HWGuy class die quite easily. The only actor I based Jeebus off of, was a certain well-known Body-Builder-turned-Conan. And that was only for his strength. Other than that, he is the epitome of the southern redneck stereotype. He's slow witted, short minded, and built like a tank. He's dumb enough that even Allunit, from our sister site PF, could outsmart him enough to beat him upside the head with a lead pipe. We're not sure he'd really notice though, Jeebus is a big guy. He's dumb all right, but he knows his weapons. If he could hear the gun, he could tell you the exact type and brand of a rifle, and then tell you if it had a wood stock, or a carbon one. He packs around a massive beast of an auto cannon, which isn't terribly accurate, but dishes out ammo like the last tomorrow was yesterday. It might help you to think of this as a lumberjack gun, the kind of thing that's designed to level a few acres. His relationship with James is almost like the guy at work. You know his name, he knows yours, you're nice enough to each other, but when its drinking time you'd rather take out your secretary (just as long as your wife doesn't find out). They trust each other enough, but they're not best friends. This might partly be because Jeebus and Boomer are such good friends. They often talk at length about weapons, artillery, and most importantly, how they'd make the Ultimate Weapon if they had the Engineering skills. A light just went off in your head; I saw it, even if it's in my future. Your thinking that James would be just the kind of person to do that. Same people who think Skip is 12? Not exactly. James is EXACTLY the kind of person to build this Ultimate Weapon, but my guess is that his bias against Boomer will prevent him from even considering it. Sorry folks. Jeebus isn't a major character; he's fire support. He's around doing his thing, but not in a very focused way. He never leads an attack, and he never runs caboose. He's somewhere in the middle, average, or as was told to me a lot in my younger years "Not special." Relax folks, that was only cause they wanted to put me in Special Ed, now look how smart I am.
Gasman Gasman is the crazy one. He's the party-animal that can drink a team of Navy Seals under the table and still want more. If he were in college, he'd be the man of the highest demand for every Frat. party in the state. In the first Episode when I listed him as a Pyro-manic as opposed to a Pyro-technician, I wasn't kidding. This guy was born with a lighter in his hand, when he was seven he burned down the city docks. The only reason he hasn't been submitted to an insane asylum is because he burned them all to the ground. In some cases twice. You can tell it by looking at him. His face is scared with burn marks. His hair, while bright red, and slightly curly, is fairly singed. On his right arm, he has a long scar from where he propped up a homemade flamethrower when he was 14. It's on his right arm because he's left-handed. If you've ever seen Braveheart, then you've got a pretty good idea which crazy Irishman I've based him off of. In this sense, he's very much unlike all of my other characters, because he really has only one person of reference. With the exception of the colour of the hair, that actor, and that character remind me so much of Gasman, I find it a little scary. A genius in his own mind, if not others. Inside the team, Mary might be the only one who knows it's because he's so bright, that he's crazy. In that sense, he's almost diabolical. He's not, however, a brilliant strategist, like Skip. He can't look at a machine, and tell you how many gears are in it, like James. He is intelligent, however, and can follow what people mean better than what they say. He's probably so crazy, because of the horrible things people mean, but cover with what they say. He's daring and courageous as well. He will light a stick a dynamite, leap over a rampart, ditch the stick, and leap out as it blows. He's not brave because he's crazy, but because he's good. He's most likely good because he's crazy though, and will take the kinds of risks that most people wouldn't dream of. A super hero through and through; without the dashing good looks or charming personality, that is. If you were in a fight, he's the kinda guy you want on your side. He's a master of battle improvisation, a true blood warrior. He's even been rumored to have hunted elk with only a survival knife. While this last fact might be true, you have to take into account that his idea of a survival knife, is our idea of a Scottish Claymore. Which brings us to the last aspect of Gasman. The Stereotypes between Scots and Irishmen were blurry for years in America, to many of us it was a feeling of "It's one island, well OK two, three maybe?" To many Americans, they were pleased that they could tell the British from the Scottish/Irish. While this isn't entirely true anymore, I still opted to go with Gasman being 50/50. Another statement about the absolute stupidity of Americans.
Iron Bear Iron Bear is a double defectorate. He was born and raised in Iowa, until he "defected" to Russia, where he learned all he could and "defected" back. This was the intent all along. He revealed only known information, and a reasonable amount of half descent information to keep the Russians thinking that the Allies had really lost a spy. While there he used his L337 $py Sk1llz to uncover a large amount of key information and return to the Allies. He wasn't left untouched by this, though. He feels remorse for betraying the friends he made while he was on the Red team. He also sympathizes somewhat with their cause. Partly because of all of this, and partly because of the amount of time he spent there, he still speaks with a Russian accent. Despite being born and raised in the heartland of America, he probably wishes he were on the other side of this war. He's with the Allies because he gave his word to stick with them. So he stays, fighting against a cause he believes in. He doesn't like it, but a man's word is a man's word. However stupid we may feel he is for going against his beliefs merely because of his promises, he strongly feels that if he lets up to giving less then his full effort, he's just as low as the people he wishes he was fighting against. Admittedly, he's a double agent. Remember those people who think Skip is 12? They're probably questioning if he's a triple agent. They're close, but no cigar. His morale fiber, diluted as it is, keeps him from following his heart. He would NEVER be able to join the Reds in good conscience without being first disbanded from the Allied forces. That's not likely to happen, he's too good at his work. Iron Bear likes James. It's one of those crazy, kooky things you might expect to see in an 80's sitcom, but it's true. They don't go out drinking, like James and Britty, but that's because they drink for different reasons. Iron bear drinks mostly as some kind of retribution, if he's too drunk to fight well, he can't say he didn't give it his best. It's a loophole that he doesn't like, but he accepts it. If Prohibition were enforced with any kind of strength, he would be a manic-depressive. The one thing that gives Iron bear an edge over everyone else in combat, is his knack for getting information without letting you know he's done it. Trained by both the FBI and the KGB, he's so well versed in all techniques that after talking to you for an hour, he can tell you what kind of underwear you're wearing. He uses this, and his "master of disguises" bit to infiltrate any group he likes and then make off with a great deal of valuable information. While, I don't think he will, you might be wondering if he'd split from the Allies for some reason or the other. You keep wondering, because in a world where people come back to life, and the racists are the heroes, just about anything is possible.
James James, is the focus of the story. I hesitate to say "Hero" because he's just about the epitome of evil in every sense. He's stupid, sexist, racist, and as it so happens, he's the one writing the journal. James is really stupid. Well, not so much stupid, as he prefers things simply. If you sue big words, he'll ask you to use littler ones, if you persist, he's likely to hit you with a wrench. Born and raised in the heartland of America, he has his own ideas for women. All women. He thinks they should all be slender, and well endowed. He's the kinda guy who'll sweet talk them till he's hitched, then he'll expect them to cook him dinner, shine his shoes, and let him do whatever he wants. As horrible as James is, and as violent as he is, he's not an abuser. He is one of the most racist people on the face of the planet. In his eyes, all Americans are different but if you are any other nationality you're all the same. He's quite founded into his beliefs about other races of people, and if he sees facts to the contrary of his beliefs he won't believe it too readily. James is also a violent fellow. In almost a cartoonish way, he likes to taunt people into trying to kill him, so he has good cause to hurt them severely. James takes the legal term "Fighting Words" too far. He can push someone's buttons better than anyone else I know. Sometimes without even trying to, he'll get people so upset that they'll want to kill him then and there. It's a talent that I'm sorry to say, I also own. Luckily for me it doesn't rub off quite as well via Internet communications, so I only upset people if I want to. Which brings up so who I've based James off of. Me, sorta. James is my darker side. Many of his more prominent features are problems I've struggled with in my life. With the exception of the racism that is. I have been deemed a sexist more than once, for more than one of my views about women and their places. Now don't get into a hissy fit, they're logical, and they are all in the best interest of the children. The drinking problem I didn't take from myself, but from my brothers. Which is a great tie in to the next influence on his personality. The evil side of one of my older brothers. Because he's beat me to a pulp if I told you all his name, we'll call him Joe. Joe used to drink heavily, he was the life of every high-school party, and could hold more than his own in a drinking contest. At one point he, and a friend, had a still set up in their dorm room at college. His new girlfriend seams to have cured him of his drinking problem, and I'm very proud of him. But James does look a surprisingly large amount like my brother Joe. Joe is also a mechanical Engineer. As much as I love the bloke, I modeled a few of James' catch phrases after things Joe says often. He works at a metal shop, where I've done a few summer's worth of janitorial work. I can't help but say that the Engineers I have met, are some rather liberal people. That is, liberal with their tongues and their generalization. This is also the place where I've heard some of the most horribly racist jokes I've ever heard. They were funny, and I knew the guys didn't really believe what they were saying, but the jokes were quite terrible. MacGyver! Not entirely though. James uses guns, and has too many other flaws. James does have an uncanny knack with building stuff, as all good Engineers do. He, unlike many Engineers, does it all. Electrical, mechanical, biological, theatrical, and lets not forget digital. Aside from doing it all he has mastered it all, to the point that if he were to write a book on the information, every copy that wasn't burned for it's racist metaphors would be hailed as the finest piece of Engineering genius the world has ever seen. But many of you might wonder about the name. This is fairly easy to point out. I named James after the given name of the finest Engineer I have ever had the privilege to meet. He's me brother Joe's boss, and simply goes by "Jim." To some of you who realize just how horrible James is, this might seem like an insult to you. Well, Skip is 12, and its an insult. Jim is one of the nicest guys I know, and it's in his honor, you'll understand completely when the series ends. As a last bit of irony, James is one of the most difficult characters for me to write. Often times, I don't want to admit to myself the things he would do or say; let alone write them.
Dick Well, Dick is the All-American Bureaucrat. Is that the right word? Hmm� The questions one asks oneself when they�re writing this stuff. Right, he�s a suit, a momma�s boy, and above all else, he knows how to watch his own ass. Everybody loves Dick. That is if you replace �loves� with �has a deep loathing and wishes they could disembowel.� He gets his job done though, what ever his job is. He must be important if everyone wants to kill him! Dick was the main focus of the Hunted Series, and has a function quite similar to the G-Man from Half-Life. Nobody is quite sure what�s going on, but there�s a good chance they wouldn�t like it. Death, disturbance, stealing from babies: these are all things one might expect out of Dick. Mystery, suspense, and enforcement of Prohibition: these things are things we get from Dick. Why did I never do a Character Bio on him? Is there a reason? What is the funny smelling thing mixed in with my laundry? Why am I asking questions? The world may never know. I don't care for Dick very much, and that comes across in the story sometimes. We're still debating what movie person we'll base him off of, as i never descided myself before I wrote him in. Two of the current fore-runners are Bruce Willis and Richard Gere.
Sarah Sarah, isn't Mary. In a sense, Sarah is the correction of the problems with Mary. It's not that Sarah is completely perfect, she just fills in the gaps where Mary falls short. Where Mary is wrong, Sarah is Right. Where Mary is Right, Sarah will ultimately be wrong. Black to White and Roses to Wine. Don't ask me where I got that last part, but I'm sure it's famous. Sarah is an absolute babe. Which is the reason that there can never be a James' Journal movie, I could never find a woman beautiful enough to portray her. Don't get me wrong, I think all women everywhere are quite wonderful, and all beautiful in their own right. But you can't compare with Sarah. Sarah is actually the girl of my dreams, minus the Mary part. She's got pretty curly red hair, knows her way around machines, and would be one hell of a hunter. She doesn't care as much as Mary would if her new outfit gets stained, and might even enjoy it. She's just that kinda girl. The classy kind. Sarah actually took her name from a girl I want to grade school with. She was pretty viscous, I remember one time she grabbed the back of my neck and pinched until I cried. That in itself is no biggie, but she did it in the seventh grade. That�s just harsh. That�s probably why I had such a huge crush on her. It didn't really help matter that when I saw her a few years after we graduated she was gorgeous, but still. It's the crying I'll always remember most. She actually takes a bit of her personality from a girl I almost-dated freshman year. It was one of those cheesy walk around for a week holding each-other's hands kinda things but never go anywhere except the lunchroom. That one ended with me being an idiot, but now she's one of my best friends, and one of the most fun people I know. She's a little sadistic in just about every sense (not everyone puts dead birds in someone's locker) which is why she'd be the perfect girl for James. What she knows, she lets you know. She's not the kind to keep secrets even if it something simple like stepping in dog poop. That and she's supermodel-gorgeous. This is where you're confused, It takes Sarah and Mary to b the perfect girl, but Sarah is perfect for James. Quite simple folks, James can't deal with perfection. She does what she does well, but what she doesn't do; there's no hope she'd ever get it done. In a few ways she needs James. Which is why she follows him as a stole-away in the chopper. Little known fact about that chopper, Bill helped hide her in the back from James. Sarah is not as great a shot as Britty. She misses sometimes. Where Britty could castrate a fly from 100 meters on a snapshot, she'd have to aim. Granted she's still a wonderful sniper, but she's not the best. She's the kinda sniper who you encounter on a run of bad luck playing TFC. They end the round with 67 snipes and 4 deaths. You know the kind. Britty is the kind of sniper who you encounter in your worse nightmare and ends up with 183 snipes and 0 deaths. There is a large difference. Sarah also drinks. Again, I don't condone this myself, but she likes it a lot. While prohibition is still intact she does a lot of heavy drinking with James in rather plain view. She's not afraid of the consequences in part because she knows how valuable she is, and in part because she such a bad ass. She takes pride in how much she can drink; though she knows she really shouldn't. She can drink with the best of them, and in fact drank James so drunk he couldn't remember the day before. James and Sarah do share something special, but under advice from my lawyers I'll only say this much. "You all have gutter-bound minds on their relationship. Read what's printed!"
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