The Rocking Chair (1)

The Rocking Chair (1)

IQ120 -- Out on the lawn

the peacefulness is suddenly interupted by the sound of the doctor who theme song as suddenly a 30 year old refridgerator appears on the lawn.

"Hey, guys" yells IQ stepping out of the refridgerator,"I got the new attachment for the fridge...a unidimentionaltimetravelator...this should be fun."

RagnarRB -- Whoa!!

as with an all too embarising thud he falls back on his kester at the appearence of the fridge. He took a certain amout of pride at his old friends efforts to perfect the blessed thing but he sure wished he could learn to aim it better.

"IQ!" Was that a sore spot he felt on his rear, or a kink in his lower back. He really hated getting old.

IQ looked over his shoulder, appearing as innocent as ever. "Opps sorry Rag..."

The ladies were laughing. "What's the matter OLD man?" 6th teased. "Gotten clumsy in your old age?"

"Yeah, yeah yeah, she of the two left feet."Ragnar tried not to grimace as he arose. "I would have had you if it weren't for wonder boy and the flying fridge." IQ had grown on him over the years but the termptation to tease had never gone away.

"I think you're right 6th." Rae just had to add, "I do think the poor fella is looking a little peaked. Maybe we should go easy on him, you know so as not to hurt his fragile pride.Himmbeing old and all. I think he's slowed down over the years."

Kara galuffed from the sidelines...

Ragnar's eyes twitched. "Haw, I could take the both of you on my worst day!"

6th and Rae had closed the distance. They both reached up with a free hand and patted him on opposite cheeks and said in unison..."Only in your dreams sweetie!" and *winked....

Raven-Kat -- In your dreams, SWEETIE!

Rae giggled and looked at the fridge thoughtfully. "You know, I think we still have it in us for one more adventure. Just like OLD times." she grins at Ragnar. "You up to the challenge."

"Hah!" Ragnar snorts. "Old, indeed."

"When I'm old and fat..." Rae looks down at herself. Already old; definitely NOT fat. "Hell, let's go. These are supposed to be the good years, remember?" With that, she vanishes back into the house to retrieve her uniform and weapons.

"So much for retiring gracefully!" Jila's eldest grand-daughter calls after her.

JilaCosa -- “Who’s Retiring????????”

Jila gives her granddaughter a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "When adventure calls, we most definitely answer. I'm in pretty good shape for a 76 year old. You should have seen your Great-grandmother at this age. She was no wimp either! Now take your brother and your cousins tell your mother there's an adventure brewing. I'm not sure when we'll be back."

With that said, Jila runs (still quite gracefully, thank you very much lol) toward The Refrigerator and the group.

"So, where are we off to this time?" Jila asks with a gleam in her eye. *It's about time we had another adventure. I'm not going to die sitting on my butt here in the mansion. The grandkids are great but there's nothing like an adventure to get the old blood circulating again*

Drumheller -- “Did someone say adventure!”

"I havn't used my magic in years," Drumheller says, getting

up from the lawn chair. "but I'm sure I still got it!"

"How about you, Spyral, you up for another adventure into

the unknown?" Drum asked

"You know I am!" Spyral replied. "Besides, I'm running out

of stories to tell the youngens."

With a snap of his fingers, Drumheller's magic bag and

walking staff appear. "Now I'm all set, and don't worry

gang, I'm sure my magic has gotten better over the years!"

Raven-Kat -- “Let’s bring the kids!”

Rae suggests, running from the mansion attired in a slightly more modest version of her old PK leathers. "Mouseling, Jila's grand-kid, Sweetie's last clutch. It'll be fun!" Rae tests the charge on her pulse-rifle, wondering how her life would have been different if she, too, had had children...

Nah! Being an aunt is way more fun!

Kaybe0 -- Chuckling to herself

Kay wonders across to the group gathering together. "You wouldn't believe the dream I was having about our adventures a few minutes ago." she starts laughing, and then stops short, seeing uniforms and weapons. "Now, guys, don't get your blood pressure in a tizzy. What are you doing with these things?" "My dear sweat old lady", says Drum pinching her cheak and winking, "We are thinking about going on an adventure for real! Think you are up to it?" "My my", said Kay, blushing, and looking down at her leggings (more loose and comfortable cotton replacing the tight spandex) and tunic (also more loose and comfortable, allthough she thought to herself, she could still wear a belt on her tiny waist with the best of them), "An adventure? A real adventure? Well, I say if the rest of you old codgers are up to it, then, by jove, so am I. What fun!" Beaming, she releases her gray bun into a single braid down her back, and links her arms through Jilla's and Rae's. Noticing the refrigerator, she says, with a twinkle in her eyes,"IQ dear, you still haven't learned where that refrigerator belongs?"

KaraS -- “You want to go adventuring???

At our age?" Kara said increduloulsy. "We're lucky if we can get up the stairs to the roof garden now, never mind climbing mountains and parting seas and the like. But if all of you guys are going, I guess I'm in too."

RagnarRB -- All dressed up but where to go

"Now wait a minute." Ragnar began, "It's all well and good that we want to go running off, but we cann't just up and leave."

"Why not." came the quick wit of 6th.

"Where are we supposed to go? I mean we never planned our adventures they just seemed to happen."

"And you point?" Kay asked.

Ragnar rolled his eyes. "We don't have an adventure!"

A commotion was stirring at the mansion doors.mall whisp of a figure dashed out.

"Grandma Come Quick! You've got to see this!"

The gangs deliberations were rudely interrupted by a young teenager who dashed into their gathering and grabbed Mouse by the arm.

"Come on!" She began tugging Mouse away.

"Wow, wow, wow....there girl what's the matter?" Mouse began, digging in her heels and dragging her grandchild to a halt.

"But you have to see this! It's terrible?"

"What's terrible?" The girl looked like she was about to cry.

"It's alright, you can tell us..."Rae comforted, comming up on the girls other side. Kara reached over, nodding and touched her with a supporting gesture on the shoulder. Even IQ was suddenly somber.

"It's the Reality channel!" She wailed.

Ragnar suddenly felt irratation at that name. The Reality channel had been steadilly making inroads in the market for years now. Buying up stations and switching to their supposed thruthful programming that showed you just how the world was supposed to be...by their reckoning. They were outright robbing the youth of their imaginations. He was tempted to spit. Anti-fictionist!

"What about the Reality channel?" he growled.

"Ragnar..." Jila cautioned...

He shook himself, getting his temper back under control. He had gotten a bit moodier as he had gotten older.

The girl looked at all her elders, a tear in her eye.

"A hoover limo just pulled up out front. It's from the Reality channel. They say they're buying the Scifi channel and closing Dominion down! They want to tear down the Farscape mansion! They say we have to leave!"

The gang was stunned......

IQ120 -- Where are we suppose to go?

The scoobies quickly begin discussing possible courses of action. While they are, IQ walks over to the fridge opens the door. He takes out a Taiser, a Bola, and a pair of aviation goggles. He puts on the aviation goggles, and starts warming up the fridge.

"Where are you going?" asks Ragnar, the first to notice.

"Back to the past." sais IQ."To prevent this from happening!"

He gets in the fridge, which then dissapears, creating the landmark vortex left in its wake.

JilaCosa -- “Should we follow him?

"You know, I seem to remember doing this same type of thing many years ago in the Kitchen. Do you remember Kara, Spyral? When we popped out of the fridge on the other side we just kind of fell in a heap on top of each other. Who wants to take the chance of broken bones once we hit the past. Now on the other hand, if we meet ourselves in the past it could have some really crazy consequences. Myself, I'm ready to go because I don't want to see the Mansion torn down for any reason. So, do we jump into the vortex or do we sit around here (like the old fogies we now are, hehehe)and wait to see what changes when IQ comes back?

Kaybe0 -- Wait a minute guys

said Kay, biting her lips and thinking....."Are you sure that is the best way to handle this, IQ? I mean, you know your machine better than all of us, and, let's face it, you ended up in the river before, remember? And, if you guys remember when we went through Spyrals mural, we sure didn't end up where we had planned." Everyone chuckled,remembering.

"It may very well be that we might have to change too much of history to stop this. Just look how much the Reality channel has taken over....and besides, I'm not sure that we can keep up with all that energy we had back then, hehe... at least we can keep up with ourselves here..." she looked down at her ankles, getting larger with age. "I can't exactly run like I used to....and neither can you Jilla and Drum, so you can just wipe those smirks right off your faces this instant!" Then, smiling, "maybe we should just see if our old, but wise minds can fix this here?" Getting a worried look on her face,,,,"oh, hold on....bathroom break", and she hurries off as fast as she can go.

RagnarRB -- Ragnar’s heart skipped a beat

as he watched IQ slip into the fridge and it vansih into the vortex, alone and without help...

...but things did not change. Looking around they were all the same. If IQ was sucessful then it should have changed instantaneously and his leaving would never have happened....Ragnar's heart was heavy. He felt old these days...burdened. He still remembered IQ.

The conversation before him raised in tempo but he didn't contribute. He wasn't sure what to do. If any of them stepped into the vortex and the rest remained then they too did not succeed. If they all stepped into the vortex and nothing happened then who would be left to save the mansion? They would all have gone to the past and thus not be here in the now to go into the past or the vortex would cease and they remain...

He shook his head at the ache that circular thinking threatened. Time loops were tricky and hard to understand. If you changed what was, then there wouldn't be a was needing changing and thus you wouldn't have changed the was in the first place!

Oh this was driving him nuts!

He didn't think any better now than he did when he was young. The gang turned towards him but he was already turning away.

"Rag where are you going." Somebody called out.

"Around front...." he replied.

Glancing back over his shoulder. " My old rhematism may keep me from skipping back in time, but these old creaky knees have enough mileage left in them to carry me around front to bonk that Reality Channel rep. on the noggin and slow things down in the present long enough for IQ to fix them in the past!"

With that he turned and headed around front.

...stomp...stomp....his back stiffened and his pace gained determination as he went. Mentally he was rolling up his sleves. Noone...NO ONE was going to tear down the Farscape Mansion...NOT while he could do anything about it!

He rounded the corner of the Mansion. A crowd of Scapers, young and old had gathered. He began to work his way thru the throng. He heard voices ahead...but there was something vaguely familiar about one of them...

Steeling himself, he knew what he had to do...

Clearing the last ring of scapers he stepped foreward and grabbed the shoulder of the only man who could possible be the reality goons rep. Such garish cloths even a Scaper would pass! He spun the man around, fist raised...

Little fingers on the hand the man had pressed against his chest waved..."Hi Rag..." IQ intoned. "Would you believe I'm doing the best i can to slow these proceedings down?..." His voice was quiet so as not to carry.

What must have happened hit ragnar like a bolt! IQ must have gotten a position at the Reality Channel in order to try to change the deal and save the House! Maybe things weren't lost yet. He hadn't failed to change the past, he was still working on changing the present!

Sixth Sense Dreamer -- Rae and 6th looked at each other

as the viking rounded the corner of the mansion.

"He's going to get into trouble, isn't he?" 6th said.

Rae nodded, then shook her head. Ragnar was tough, and not one to put up with anyone messing with their Farscape.

"Should we?" she asked 6th.

"Indubitally." 6th grinned, and they took off after Rag.

Rounding the corner, Rae pointed. There was Ragnar, an obvious Reality goon in his cluches, his fist raised. 6th took off running towards the goon, Rae following close on her heels.

Unfourtunately, 6th's eyesight was not what it used to be. And neither was her sprinting ability. Still, with both her and Rae's combined weight, it was enough to take the goon down, flying from the startled viking's grasp. They two would-be viking rescuers and the "goon" went down in a heap.

"What are you doing???" a familiar voice cried out from underneath 6th and Rae.

"You hush your..." 6th trailed off as she hauled the "Goon" up for closer inspection.

"Oh consarn it!" she gasped as she recognised a rumpled IQ glaring up at her.

"Crikey!" Rae started to scramble up, and was then assisted by several pairs of strong arms. She looked up to see several armed guards, "Reality Police" bages glaring on the front of their coats. 6th was similarly grabbed, as they noticed that Ragnar was already surrounded.

IQ stood, brushing himself off. And to the three friend's suprise, motioned the guards to TAKE THEM AWAY!!!

"What are you doing?" 6th yelled. Ragnar kicked at her, grimacing as his bad hip caught him short.

IQ grabbed at Ragnar, pulling him down to whisper something quickly in his ear. Then the three old adventurers were hauled away and put in a truck.

"What'd he say?" Rae hissed as soon as the police truck doors closed.

"He said" the viking said, "that they were taking us to their headquarters, and to see if we could break out and infiltrate the place. Cause a little" he grinned "destructive criticism." Then he glared at 6th, "And WHY aren't you wearing your durn GLASSES???"

Chryse74 -- What the heck is going on around here?

Yells a still quite spry Chryse, as she walks into the crowd through the front door.

"IQ? What the frell are you doing here? And in those clothes? And just where are those goons taking Rae, 6th and Ragnar?" she asks menacingly.

"Mom, he's from the Reality Channel. They're gonna tear down the mansion." says Bryson (or is it Corwin? It's getting harder and harder to tell the twins apart! LOL)

"What!?!? Over my dead body!"

"Hey, Chryse can I have a word with you for a minute?" asks IQ. She grudgingly agrees and IQ whispers his plans with him and Rae, 6th, and Ragnar. He also suggests that she create a racket, but nothing the goons could interpret as being outright hostile or dangerous. Agreeing, the 2 step away from each other.

"Hmmph! Well, I'll be Rygel's uncle before I let you farhbots in the Mansion! Come on everyone, get back in the mansion. We'll the lock the doors and windows against them!" orders Chryse. "And as for you, you two-faced traitor! It's been a while since you've been here IQ and there are a few new surprises if you try to get in without permission!" Announces Chryse, as she turns on her heel and marches back in the Mansion, making sure everyone goes in before her.

As the doors close behind Chryse, she walks over to a small hall closet and opens the door. Inside, however, there isn't a single coat or shoe. Instead, she sees a highly sophisticated console that controls all the doors, window and locks in the Mansion. Selecting the codes for emergency lock down, she begins to close down the Mansion.

The Rooftop Garden is being enclosed by a huge dome while the near river access on the lower levels, grates are being lowered to allow water to pass throught, but nothing that is bigger than a breadbox can get through. All the tunnels under the Mansion are being sealed by huge doors. Over all the windows and outside doors, reinforced shields are being set in place.

*These improvements*, thought Chryse, *were a really good investment. It may have taken 25 years to install it all, but they are sure coming in handy now.* Remembering back, she smiles as she realizes that it was IQ who first brought up the idea of the security arrangements. Still, she worries that IQ will be hurt if he does try to get in. She wasn't lying when she said there were new surprises in the system.

"Mom?" asks Corwin (or is Bryson?)

"Yes, son" she answers.

"Mom, I think some of the Scoobies are still outside."

"Oh, don't worry about them. They'll be fine. Besides, they have the emergency passcodes to get in, if they really need to. But I think they can do more good out there." replies Chryse. *But I hope they remember what the passcodes are!*

Mouse2000 -- Mouse looks out the window

of the now-secured Farscape Mansion, and is partly relieved to see the Reality squad move away, but still upset that her oldest and dearest friends have once again caught themselves in the middle of the ruckus.

She knows that the mansion is secured, due to all the upgrades that have been made over the years, but she wonders if the old weapons are still available, and if so, do they even work? After the peace of the teens, there was no need for the weapons anymore, but were they still in the underground cave, safely tucked away from those who didn't have the training to use them? The irony is, now it was the people of her own generation who would be the only ones who would be qualified to operate the old pulse rifes etc.

Mouse backs slowly away from the window on replaced hips that work almost better than the originals. Lost in her thoughts, she backs right into Spyral and Beebo who despite their ages, were still extremely quick on their feet. Actually, most of the scapers are still pretty quick due to the advances in medicine and the wonderful lives they've led here, protected well in the Mansion. But that could all change...

"Nasty business that is." Beebo grumbles and Spyral nods his semi-graying head in agreement.

"Guys, do you remember who has the passcode for the weapons we hid down below all those years ago?" Mouse asks, forming Plan B in her head, which is something she has gotten REALLY good at after spending all those years with Rae!

Raven-Kat -- “Well this isn’t good.”

Rae decides quietly from the back of the Reality Channel Limo. "Reality ain't what it used to be, I'll tell you that. Why, when I was your age..."

The goons moan at what they assume is going to be just another 'up-hill in the snow' story, and Rae nods to Sixth and Ragnar. As she keeps them dsitracted (and, gee, when did she get so good at non-violence), Sixth and Rag begin getting ready for the escape.

Now, if only Mouse can find her stock-piled weapons (and, gee, when did little old Rae become a survivalist?), everything SHOULD work out okay.

"Oh, and don't get me STARTED on teh PeaceKeepers!"

Two of the three goons yawn. The third says, "No such thing, ma'am."

"Like hezmana, you say!" Rae shakes her head. "Sonny, I WAS a peacekeeper. Ah, brute force... How I miss thee. Now, as I was saying, the phantom had kidnapped Santa..."

The third goon closes his eyes and leans against the window. The three scoobs get ready for their escape.

JilaCosa -- Rounding the corner of the Mansion

just in time to see Rae, 6th, and Ragnar taken away by the Reality Police, Kaybe, KaraS, and Jila give a collective groan. Then they hear Chryse (who never could stop herself from running off at the mouth [j/k Chryse <g>]) yelling at the top of her lungs,

--"Hmmph! Well, I'll be Rygel's uncle before I let you farhbots in the Mansion! Come on everyone, get back in the mansion. We'll the lock the doors and windows against them!" orders Chryse. "And as for you, you two-faced traitor! It's been a while since you've been here IQ and there are a few new surprises if you try to get in without permission!" --

"We've got to get inside and find the others." Jila says "I'll grab Chryse, you to try and find Spyral, Mouse, Drum, and Beebo. Let's meet in the New Basement."

With this settled the three start zigzagging through the crowd. As they pass through the main doors Jila turns toward the Security closet, and Kara and Kaybe walk quickly to the newly installed elevators.

Jila gets to Chryse just as she is closing the door on the Security Closet. "Chryse, did I hear you right? Was IQ really one of the Reality Squad out there?"

"Yes, you heard right, But lets get the others together so that I don't have to tell this thing more than once. Okay?"

Chryse says as two handsome men come by and kiss her on her cheeks.

"Do you need us for anything mom?" one of the young men asks.

"No, darlin'." Chryse says as she gives both of her sons a hug. "Your Auntie Jila and I have to go meet with your Aunts and Uncles who are still here in the Mansion. We may have some trouble on our hands."

The two men give each other a wink and roll their eyes. "Think you're going to have an adventure like the 'old days', eh mom?" They chuckle to each other.

"I'll give you 'old days'," Chryse swats at her sons playfully, "Now get out of here before I cuff you for real." she says with a chuckle of her own. "If only they knew what really went on when they were little."

Jila and Chryse head down to the New Basement to meet with the others.

Kaybe0 -- Gathering in the basement

The gang finds out that IQ plans to help them in the best way he knew how. Some of them help Mouse go through the weapons. "Mouse, dear", Kay laughs as Mouse has trouble lifting a pulse rifle for examination. "Do you think we are going to be able to use these things? Hehe. Can we even see well enough to aim? Now, don't go shooting one of us instead. Hehehe." "Now, Kay, said Beebo. This is not the time for your humor. This is serious." She quickly hides her own smirk behind her hand. "We have to make them work", said Drum with determination. "I know, I know. Quit fretting," said Kay. "I say we blow them all to orbit. That will teach them to mess with our home. But, once we guard our home, then what will we do? Can we stop them for good?

Do we still have that power? Or, does anyone know of a secret treasure in the mansion somewhere that will help us to buy them out." "Now, dearie, just calm down," said Chryse putting an arm around Kay's shoulder. "Think of your blood pressure." Jilla smiled, and said,"Who knows what secrets still lurk around our mansion?"

RagnarRB -- Ragnar leans in close to Rae

and whispers around her words....."Not yet Rae. We'll have a lot better chance of getting into their back lot if we let them TAKE us in....unless you can recall a politzi station out this way....I'm not sure a frontal assult is the answer here. We have to fix it but we have to fix it for good. I just cann't believe Scifi would sell. They must have gotten to someone at the top!"

Rae continued regalling the guards with her narritive.

"You know Rae." Ragnar added"....that Santa tale sounds so nice. I haven't heard from TickTick or some of that gang in a long time. I wonder how they're doing....."

Raven-Kat -- “Maybe they’ll rescue us.”

Rae mutters back to Ragnar. The guards are now all asleep. "You sure we can't pound some heads just for old times sake?"

Ragnar sighs. "No, Rae."

"Fine. But when they wake up, I'm toturing them with tales of PK basic training."

"Well, I guess THAT'S okay." Ragnar says with a grin.

"The nerve." Rae mutters. "'Peacekeepers don't EXIST, ma'am.'" Rae says in a mocking voice. "Shove a chakan oil catridge-"

"Sorry." Rae giggles at the mental picture this conjures. She suddenly feels thirty years younger, and it's a good feeling. "Listen, guys. I've kind of been stockpiling weapons for the last twenty years or so, since I saw how powerful the Reality Channel was becoming. Is there some way I can get a message to the gang?"

"There are tons of weapons in the basement." Sixth said. "They can't need more than that."

"They might. And these are better. Cutting edge tech from three systems. The stuff in the basement is frelling ancient. Some of it was there before we came along. They don't stand a chance with that stuff."

"You're right." Sixth sighed.

"We need to get a message to them." Rae says. "Just the location. Mouse's granddaughter knows the pass-codes."

"Mouse's granddaughter?" Ragnar asks. "Does Mouse know this?"

Rae shakes her head. "It just happened to come up one day during her kick-boxing lessons. Kid's a quick study."

The car hits a bump and the guards begin to stir.

Rae slides away from Sixth and Ragnar and resumes her narrative, "So, the fu-manchu turkey says..."

The guards groan, causing Rae to smile. Who says torture has to be physical?

KaraS -- Here’s an idea!

"If the reality goons are trying to tear down Farscape Mansion, they're probably going after the dwelling places of the other fandoms along the river Scifi. We should give them a call." KaraS suggests.

"That's not a bad idea." Spyral says.

"And aren't there 'Scapers who commute to the other dwellings?" Kara says. "Has anybody seen Valdron lately? I wonder if the reality goons have come for the Lexxers yet."

"Get on the communicator and call them." Chryse decides. "If we all stick together they CAN'T prevail."

Kaybe0 -- Great idea, Kara.

said Kay, looking over the weapons with concern....My goodness, she barely used many of the weapons in her youth.

Could she even shoot one straight any more? Well, everyone better stay clear, she thought with a sigh. They were NOT going to let their precious mansion go for NOTHING.

"Nana, what are you doing?" asks one of Kay's grandaughters, sticking her head into the room they were in."Why, we are protecting the Farscape Mansion, Dear". said Kay matter of factly. The others nodded in agreement, with serious looks on their faces. With a horrified look on her face, she says, "Nana, now, I know that you guys all told wonderful stories to us when we were kids, and Mom said that she grew up on them too, but, you are all scarying me. You can't take this seriously. They're just stories, Nana. Uncle Drum? Aunt Jilla? Auntie Chryse? Mouse? Look at you all. You would think you all believed the stories you told us all. Please, come upstairs and relax. I'll make you all some warm milk.

Come on, Auntie Beebo. Surely you can't believe this."

"Just relax dearie". Said Kara, putting her arm around the young woman. "We will take care of you. Don't you worry a hair in that pretty head of yours." Seeing the look of dismay deepen on her face, Spyrel pinches her cheek, and winks at her, and says "Honey, maybe your Nana Kay should have told you that those weren't made up bedtime stories that you grew up with. We actually did those things. And, we might be old codgers now, but, believe me, we can sure hold our own. Now, then, you just go fix that hot milk for yourself, and relax. We have some very important work to do." Shaking her head, she gives up, and walks away, thinking, "Mom isn't going to like this one bit."

Raven-Kat -- “Kara”

Mosue says. "Call the First Wavers, too, if you can locate them. Rae says they have a pretty effective geurilla thing going."

"Didn't know Rae knew any of them." Kara said.

"Yeah, she's traded tactic tactics with them, and weapons..." Mouse trails off. "GEEZ!"

"What, Mouse? Are you okay?"

"WEAPONS!" Mouse says. "Rae's been stockpiling weapons! She told me years ago... They're in the Living-room! Enough for a whole army. Thirty-five years worth!"

********************************************************

As the Scapers hurry to retrieve the weapons and contact other Dominion residents, Rae groans to Ragnar: "Can I please just hurt ONE?"

Ragnar sighs. "No, Rae..."

"Gods, I wish I'd thought to grab my portable frag cannon."

KaraS -- Firing up the communicator

KaraS set the frequency for the First Wave clubhouse. It was just across the river and almost within sight.

"Calling First Wave. First Wave come in. Mayday, mayday, SOS. First Wave come in. Awww, c'mon you guys. I know you're over there. First Wave come in!"

"What's your problem." a grumpy voice said. "Who is this anyway."

"This is Farscape Mansion. We have an emergency over here."

"Well, that's your problem. We got kicked off of Scifi Prime so we don't care."

"That's old news." Kara said. "Here's some newer news. The Scifi channel has been bought out by the Reality channel. They're over here trying to bulldoze our Mansion. I think your clubhouse is next on their list."

"Holy Gua! That IS an emergency. What can we do for you Farscape?"

"Alert all the other fandoms along the river. Call up the Lexxers and the Sliders and the Trekers. Get the Dark Shadows people involved. Alert the Lost in Spacers and the Xena/Hercules fans. Dig up anyone you can think of and tell them to prepare for a seige. Tell them to arm and mobilize. And load for bear. This is going to get nasty before it's all over."

"Will do Farscape. Do you want us to send some help over the river?"