Winners: Taking Responsibility

by Denis Waitley

Winners in business, in personal relationships and in marriage take full responsibility for success in the communication process. In other words, winners never meet you halfway or go 50-50. As listeners, winners take full responsibility for hearing what you mean. As talkers, winners take full responsibility for being certain that you understand what they are saying. By giving examples, by asking you for feedback, by putting what they said in different words, they make it easy for you to gain the true intent of their communication.

And, winners use the KISS formula. KISS in communications means "Keep It Straightforward and Simple." Winners know that everyone interprets what he hears and sees differently. Winners project in clear, concise, simple language and use words and examples that don't evoke a double meaning or hidden agenda.

And last, and most important—winners in life project constructive, supportive ideas. Winners are neither cynical nor critical. Winners accept another viewpoint as being valid even if it is diametrically opposed to their own beliefs. A winner says, "I appreciate and understand your position—however, I may feel differently and, if so, I would like to tell you why my position may be different from your own."

When Will Rogers said, "I never met a man I didn't like," I'm sure he didn't mean he approved of all the traits and characteristics of every person he met. But he found something he could admire in everyone. We get back from people what we give them. If we want to be loved, we must first be lovable.

Think back to the people who have had the most influence on you. You’ll likely find that they were people who really cared about you—your parents, a fine teacher, a business associate, a good friend—someone who was interested in you. And the only people you will influence to any great degree will be the people you care about. When you are with people you care about, their interest, not yours, will be uppermost in your mind. This is most evident in marriage and parenthood, but it’s also true in every other area of our lives. It has been said that, "Marriage is not looking at each other, but looking in the same direction together." And this is just as applicable to other aspects of life as it is to marriage. "It’s not looking at each other, but looking in the same direction together."

Our success in getting along with others and communicating effectively with them depends upon this same principle. It depends solely upon our ability to help other people solve their problems. This is winning self-projection. Winners say, "I’ll make you glad you talked with me." And you’ll know you’re a true winner in the game of life when you hear this statement often from those you meet: "I like me best when I’m with you."

Adapted from The Psychology of Winning © 1979 by Denis E. Waitley