Cat Power - I Found A Reason
---
Oh I do believe
In all the things you say
What comes is better than what came before
And you'd better come come, come come to me
Better come come, come come to me
Better run, run run, run run to me
Better come
Oh I do believe
In all the things you say
What comes is better than what came before
And you'd better run run, run run to me
Better run, run run, run run to me
Better come, come come, come come to me
You'd better run
-
8/20/06
"If you can't get someone off your mind....chances are they are supposed to be
there."
-
7/20/06
Someday they'll wake up and realize that you're perfect. Meanwhile, you'll
be waking up next to someone who already knows it.
-
7/18/06
Everyone has a theme song, something that sticks with them 'til death. This is mine:
Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have
---
I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep
Anymore
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Gray would be the color if I had a heart
Come on, tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
Come on, tell me!
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And i'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make it all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
-
7/21/06
I always knew it that this song would truly mean something in my life:
Staind- Right Here
---
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting
-
7/17/06
Blue October - Hate Me
Verse 1, last portion of 2, 3, and chorus.
---
(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space
(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.
(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me
with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch
again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.
(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
...for you...for you...for you
-
7/11/06
Reggie And The Full Effect - What The Hell Is A Stipulation
---
She said she doesn't want a boyfriend, she's better off with friends
She doesn't like getting hurt when serious relations end
He only wants to see her whenever she will permit
He only wants to be with her and quit feeling like shit
All that he can give, he gives her
more then he really should now
whenever they meet he'll see her
and he'll tell her that he's happy
She feels good
This simple situation is easier unsaid
He knows just by him asking her it goes straight up to her head
All that he can give, he gives her
More then he really should now
Whenever they meet he'll see her
And he'll tell her that he's happy
If she could give the time she see that everythings fine
Its not up to me
She wishes that he would see its nothing to be that she will for he
She says she'll never need a boyfriend, she's happy with her friends
She's keeping all her secrets with her up until the end
All that he can give, he gives her
More then he really should now
Whenever they meet he'll see her
And he'll tell her that he's happy
She feels good.
-
7/8/06
Too late, the world has ended. Not being able to see what could be, it is
all for lost.
Next time listen to your heart, and not the words of others.
It's too bad you saw what you did, and not what really was. I tried to show it
to you, but it wasn't what you wished to see.
You found my guilt, by your own neglect. So who truly was at fault?
Anyways, good luck with life, and I hope you "find" yourself.
Adieu.
6/28/06
Epiphany
---
Like an awakening, from the worst of dreams. I let my emotions get the
best of me.
I've always said that everything is all that one makes it out to be. I have
been so hypocritical to that philosophy.
I pray that it isn't too late, and that I haven't ruined this. But if one
doesn't make mistakes, one will not learn.
My fears took over, and they controlled my actions.
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to know where you stand. So here I
stand, looking as to where I fell, and begin the long climb back to potential
redemption.
I'm letting go, this is not in my hands, I had no business grabbing the
wheel... for I am but a passenger on this long road of life.
I set you free. Do as you must, live as you will. I love you, and always will,
no matter what.
-
6/27/06
Adieu?
---
I fear you will soon be joining the growing crowd of those who have loved and
lost.
Beckoning to return, only to fall upon a deaf ear. I may morn the loss but for
a short while, as they are all dead to me now.
I do not wish this to be the case, but again, I fear it.
I saw too much in you, and you proved to be so worthy. Where did things go
wrong? Why did things change?
Be what it may, things are what they are, and I am what I am. Love it, or
leave it.
You say you love, yet show apathy to my pain and concern.
You say I have no business talking to you about priorities, yet I just want to
know if I even make the list.
You never know what to say or do, and even if you did, would you?
Run away from this, to have it return ten fold, time and time again.
I grow weary of this, I count the days.
If it were anyone else, you'd be but a faded memory, and a lost regret.
There is hope for you, I just pray that you open your eyes before you realize
what you've lost.
8 weeks to go, yet situations crumble, I wonder if it will even last 3.
It's all on you now, as I'm done holding on, holding strong, holding on... to
this.
The weight is now shifted. Good luck, as I've become too tired to carry on
this way.
Do what you must, and so shall I.
-
6/27/06
Digest
---
So many things I want to tell you, yet I bite my tongue until it bleeds.
So much pain derived from your neglect, yet you never seem to notice.
Why do I try? Why are you so worth it? Whatever the case may be, I hope you
see the shit you've helped create.
Choke it down, drown it in regret and digest the pain, just as I have come to
do all too frequently.
-
6/26/06
Bleed me dry
I give, but can only give so much.
You take, but only have so much to take.
Run me dry, Bleed me dead.
See what you will, in your own little world, your own little bubble.
I beg for scraps, you give enough to keep me alive.
I die inside, from self-inflicted wounds.
Zealousy, carelessness, blind commitment, and pure faith...
I just pray it's all worth it.
I open my mouth, asking for help, yet my words seem to simply spill upon the
floor.
I stare upon my empty words, laying there, and can't stop thinking of how
you can never find them, written in pain, strewn about your feet.
Growing weary, I ask if it's too much to bare.
Simplicity is all I crave, yet seems to be too much.
150% and 50% don't equal 200%, yet seems to be the way.
You've grown too accustomed to my efforts, and simply seem to expect it.
Once meant to show my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, is now something
seemed to be expected.
I leave little slack available from this noose around my neck.
No matter, I bury this all in a moments notice, and seal it away.
You'll never know, as you'll never ask, as you'll never want to know.
You can do no wrong, and from now on, it will be as such.
Life will be perfect, a perfect little lie.
Whatever it takes to divert from your own petty 'misery'.
Again, seeing nothing but the pain. Too blind to see what stands before you.
God forbid I feel, God forbid I ache, God forbid you reach out to help.
I'm done asking, I'm done telling.
It's all on your shoulders now, and should anything truly better comes
along, who knows where I'll be.
Deep down inside... I just want to be happy too.
Thanks for the effort.
5/30/06
Apathetic Reflection
Your apathy rips through my flesh like a rabid animal, tearing me apart.
Where, how, and when did this start?
I allow this to happen, henceforth the fault is mine,
I have no place to bitch, complain, or whine.
It doesn't mean that it still doesn't kill me inside,
However I do my best to keep it dormant, within me, it hides.
Behind my smile now lies as well pain,
Nowhere else to place it, to vent it, so I tuck it away with nothing else to
gain.
Take a deep breath in, and watch it all melt away,
Should we suffer that same fate, you'll have to ask where you priorities lie
now, and where now they will lay.
5/30/06
Fathom
---
With the sensation flowing as an unfathomable river. Poured out into an
endless sea of emotion.
I drift to you, closer by each dawn. I fuse into you, and become one
embodiment, one apparition, a unification of souls.
Clutching on to you, and whispering softly into your ear, an incoherent
muttering of words, bringing a smile to your face, in the same way the sun
breaks through the clouds on an overcast day. Gradual, slow, but powerful.
I lose myself into your eyes, your lips curl. I memorize every curvature of
your face with the gentle stroking of my hand, scanning, and committing to
memory every fraction of your beauty.
-
9/7/05
Eyes Wide Shut
---
Some people ask what heaven would be like. I simply smile at them and state:
"I've been there."
With the queerest looks and expressions given to me, I hold that smile,
close my eyes, and simply keep thinking of the time I spent with you.
-
9/6/05
Random Lust
---
Tearing into you with teeth, claws, and tissue,
buried within your flesh.
Muffled screams echo down the hall,
giving every inch and every bit of energy to you.
nickel-plated caresses, and a rubber kiss,
dulling my sensation to add to yours.
Absorb me, consume me,
Muttering such filth to make even the most seasoned prostitute blush.
Balancing pain and pleasure.. meshing them into one,
watching you shiver and shake, held captive not only by my eyes.
An appetite for lust.. and this, your seven course meal.
-
3/21/05
Random
---
Empty abyss, surround me with your cold caress.
Swallow me up, consume me whole, take it all away, and parish this tortured
soul.
Destroy and obliterate every trace of me that once was,
-
3/21/05
Days gone by
---
Whatever happened to that interesting soul?
whatever happened to the way it touched your heart?
whatever happened to the way it made you cry, tears of the utmost
tormentuous love, and then kiss them away all in the same moment?
whatever happened to the way it caressed you, held you, and kept you safe
and secure?
whatever happened to the way you mirrored every blissful second with each
mutual feeling being reflected right back?
whatever happened to that?... whatever happened to us?
-
3/21/05
Senseless
---
These silent screams, fall upon deaf ears.
Too blind to the fact that you can't see.
The taste of bittersweet dances upon your tongue.
The icy touch of a cold and lonely heart, apathy numbing you of any
pain.
The scent of a rotting corpse fills the air you breathe in which you
can never escape, as you've killed me a thousand time.
-
1/11/05
To dream the dream that dreamers dream,
To bleed the blood that lovers bleed,
To sing the song of sweet serenity,
To feel the touch of a tender caress...
Ideally Yours,
---
Radiant Darkness,
Shining, Shimmering,
Bathed in Beauty,
Haunting, Inciting,
Etched Forever in My Mind,
Shelled, Layered,
Open Your World to Me,
Promises, Vows,
I Can Never Harm You,
Past, Present,
Spending the Future in Your Arms
-
12/10/04
Power
---
To Live, To love, Two of the greatest, most powerful things given to
mankind... but what happens when they go awry, when you're left curled
up in the fetal position on your bathroom floor, your palms sweaty,
your mouth, tasting of vomit... this is power, harnessing pure emotion
and lobbing it around at it's very whim. I'm too sensitive sometimes,
but my heart sees things, it reads even the faintest of emotions, it
knows what you're thinking, and it throws me into a reclusive state if
anything appears to be on a downward spiral. It's solely in my defense,
my heart has been mended time and time again, each wearing it down more
and more. The threads holding my heart from splitting again are but
very small, but until I find a method of making them larger, I will
remain fragile.
12/8/04
I lie awake at night screaming your name over and over in my mind,
pondering if with you, i'm assigned, still weary of your kind, and
trying so hard to find, all the very reasons behind, why I love
you.
---
11/7/04
Energy
---
Bathed in the sun's rays shining down upon our bodies as it flows
seamlessly through the window above my bed, I look over to you and see
your smile that seems to dance with the light's every changing
spectrum, as I momentarily mistake you for a divine entity.. an
angel, a muse for my very existence, my very being, and realize... i'm
not mistaken after all, for these are what you truly are.
-
11/6/04
I saw the most wretched thing today. I walk by a woman, too obese to
walk, she stops me for brief, non-specific chit-chat, and as I oblige
her, the entire time I notice a fly feeding off of a festering wound
her leg, I assume she can not feel it at all, as it danced around
the sore vigorously for quite some time. I admit making no effort to
chase it away, as it would only circle 'round again, and feast some
more. *sigh* people put themselves in positions and conditions that are
so disheartening.
-
9/13/04
Crimsonhate
---
Your heart, colder than the blackest waters on a frozen winter morn
Your mind, as scattered as the pieces of me that lay strewn about the
floor
Your eyes, as blind as the creatures that lie in the deepest of
caverns, sheltered from all light, laying in pitch blackness for all
the days to come
Your tongue, sharper than any blade known to man, slicing me open with
every thought of your careless words, spilling my crimson soul out upon
the floor
You are as the wound on my inner mouth, the one that will not heal for
simple fact that I cannot keep from licking it.
-
9/11/04
?
---
Surrender to me your every desire,
burning flames from the fire... rising ever,
Higher.... Higher...
BUUUUUUURN!!!
Douse me with your gasoline,
light that match and watch it clean.
Cleanse my soul with delight,
Smile softly as you smite.
BUUUUUUUURN!!
Kill all the things that you once were,
Toss them in and make them burn.
Dead to you, dead to me,
Just all one big fucked up destiny.
BUUUUUUUURN!!
BUUUUUUUURN!!
BUUUUUUUURN!!
-
9/10/04
Azure Ray - Don't Make A Sound
---
you could go anywhere anytime and find someone
but how will you know if he's kind
the sun is out but happiness
only reminds you of the people you hurt
mistakes that you made when you were down
and where are you now
you're sweeping up these sorry streets
and i knew somehow when you looked up and over me
that you could look up these words
but you still won't understand
they mean nothing to you
so write them in the sand
and watch the water wash them away
you could sit on your front porch
and watch the wasps dive down
you could go out every night
and force cheap beer down
you could go all day
and not make a sound
-
8/22/04
v
==========================
=
Pondering
Archive =
==========================
--
Love - Fate - Hopeless Devoid
--
Love
-----
Alone. He opened his eyes and stared
lifelessly into Darkness.
The constant yearning from within filled his empty Heart to near
suffocation. Still, he continued to think...of her. His Heart grew
further breathless. Her immortal image consumed his thoughts
rapidly, then completely. The unknown Misery thickly coated his
myth of Being with its darkened Sorrow. He wanted to cry, for
Hopelessness, and hoped tears will refill his half emptied Soul.
He
closed his eyes and searched for Light.
She was born last night, here, amidst
the garden of the
Unconsciousness bathed in dews of Serenity. The undefinable
Beauty smiled blossomly to the mystical welcoming world. She
bowed her head softly to the gentle wind, only to find his playful
fingers failed to resist the temptation to caress her silken hair.
Her petal soft skin adored the tender Warmth of the morning Sun,
who had yet once taken his eyes off her. Her majestic eyes,
gazed ethereally toward the celestial dome.
She turned and passionately laid a whispering kiss upon the
lucidity of Being. For eternity, she was born to walk with Spring
and to calm the rage of Summer, then to bright the solitude of
Autumn, to finally breathe life into the pale corpse of Winter.
Nature dreamed and created Love, then she saw her, Nature
created Beauty.
To the common observer they are just eyes
but to me they mean much more
They are two beautiful little creations by themselves
Both equal in beauty
but different in their own little way
when I look in them I can see her thoughts
her dreams
and a deep, wonderful thing.
I can't really name it or describe it
but, I know it is the most wonderful and beautiful thing I have ever
seen
just like her
Maybe someday after I've stared at it long enough,
a name for it will come to me
until then it will just be called "thing"
They are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen
I just can't describe them as well as I want to
I can imagine sitting there staring at them
Watching them move around on occasion they stop and stare back
but that isn't often and doesn't last long anyway
Maybe someday I will be able to hold the beautiful owner of those eyes
Without You
-
Lonely nights I spend,
wanting to hold you close.
I wish for you everyday,
at night, hurting the most.
How I wish we were together,
lying near and holding tight,
After such a long hard day,
I want to see you every night.
Oh, how I would so much prefer,
to hold hands, our fingers intertwined,
Instead of longing for you every night,
in my bed, you I cannot find.
To be able to run my fingers,
through your lovely hair,
Everyday my hopes, prayers, and wishes,
are to meet with you there.
Or to gaze so longingly,
into your lovely deep eyes,
and to loose my soul to them,
absorbing me, I'm mesmerized.
To feel your soft skin,
under the covers keeping us warm,
Oh how I miss you being so near,
I can't wait to accept you as the norm.
I love you so much it hurts,
especially when I can't have you near.
And the nights are spent very lonely,
as I wish for your breathing to hear.
Sometimes I wake up late at night,
and reach out in my sleep to hold you.
Then I remember that you aren't there yet,
and crying when I cannot find you.
The days I don't mind as much,
everyone hustles me along.
But dark and lonely nights I spend,
listening to your sweet voice thus the appearance, a song
So I gather my strength together,
and hold onto one bright fact:
that you love me so dearly and strongly,
and our love is sealed by pact.
One that is older than time itself,
and one that I don't understand.
But this pact binds us true,
and makes me want to hold your hand.
In a little time soon,
we will be together.
And not so long after that,
we'll not leave forever.
But until I reach that point,
my nights will be lonely and dark.
For without you to warm and comfort me,
my life is stuck in park.
Wishing to be with you more everyday,
and it will be soon enough.
I love you my dear,
until then, try to hold tough.
-----
My path was seemingly empty,
barren and devoid.
I had no one to accompany me,
along my lonely journey.
Occasionally I would meet,
someone who would journey beside.
Our paths converged,
for a little while,
we shared something sweet and close.
But it wasn't to last.
You decided to abandon me,
to travel alone, or with someone else.
I begin to feel my life,
will always and forever remain incomplete.
I feel as though my love,
will be unanswered.
Suddenly a familiar figure draws near.
She is one who has shared my path,
but remained far away.
I am not expecting accompaniment,
along this difficult and arduous road.
The first time she flittered close,
but our enemies drove us apart.
Farther down the road we rejoined,
but I was traveling with another.
This time is different.
My experience has grown.
My heart yearns for another,
yet this one will not be forgotten.
She flutter close,
yet holds back.
I confront her,
revealing to her my joy at her return.
I invite her to accompany me,
as far as the next ridge.
In a softly spoken voice,
spoken by the angels,
mimicked by the doves,
she says, "I have always loved you."
My heart melted,
My eyes watered,
All because she said,
"I love you."
She goes on to explain,
why she was afraid to draw near.
About how my other companions,
had frightened her away.
She had sent spies after me,
learning my every move.
Now she reveals to me,
just how much she loves me.
Our bodies draw close,
Our hands intertwine,
Our eyes focus on the most important thing:
each other.
Our lips draw closer, closer, closer.
We combine.