Are You in an Abusive Situation?

A Battered Woman's Bill of Rights
Potential Indicators of Domestic Abuse
Progression of Violence
Sweet Baby Syndrome - How Abusers Stage a Return
Common Characteristics of Battered Women
Common Characterists of Batterers
Similarities in Stories of Battered Women
Seperation Violence
Reaction of Women Being Beaten
Long Term Effects of Domestic Violence

A Battered Woman's Bill of Rights

She has the right NOT to be abused.
She has the right to anger over past beatings.
She has a right to choose to change the situation.
She has a right to freedom from fear of abuse.
She has a right to request and expect assistance from police or social agencies.
She has a right to share her feelings and not be isolated from others.
She has a right to want a better role model of communication for her and her children.
She has a right to be treated like an adult.
She has a right to leave the battering environment.
She has a right to privacy.
She has a right to express her own thoughts and feelings.
She has a right to develop her individual talents and abilities.
She has a right to legally prosecute the abusing spouse.
She has a right not to be perfect.

(Patricia G. Ball & Elizabeth Woman)
(Reprinted from Victimology:An International Journal.Vol. 2 1977-78, No. 3-4, p.550)

Potential Indicators Of Domestic Abuse

• Women:
  In general, women who are abused physically are often isolated. Their partners tend to control their lives to a great extent as well as verbally degrade them. Some examples follow:
  • the woman mentions not being able to use the telephone
  • she is forbidden from seeing friends unless her partner is with her
  • one partner has exclusive control over all money and household financial matters
  • she is not allowed in the decision making process at home
  • she isn't allowed to learn to drive, go to school, get a job
  • she is limited in her freedom as a child would be. For example,"Go to the store, get milk and come straight home. It should take you 15 minutes"
  • look for self-esteem, poor self-concept. The woman speaks very poorly of herself. She is unable to make eye contact, always looks away or at the ground when talking
  • many times women complain of non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring. These are stress related problems.

• Children:
  
  • serious problems with temper tantrums
  • continual fighting at school or between siblings
  • lashing out at objects, inside or outside of the home
  • treating pets cruelly or abusively
    
  • threatening younger sister or brother with violence For instance, "You get over here with my teddy bear or I'll kill you."
  • attempting to get attention through hitting, kicking or choking
  • modeling after the abuser--"Monkey see, monkey do"
  • with girls, withdrawal, signs not so obvious
  • occasional cringing if you raise your arm

(Source: YWCA Spouse Abuse Outreach Services of Southern Indian Volunteers Training Manual, 1985)

Progression of Violence

• Pre-battering violence:
  verbal abuse, hitting objects, throwing objects, breaking objects, and making threats.
  When abusers hit or break objects or make threats, almost 100% resort to battering.

• Beginning levels:
  pushing, grabbing, restraining.

• Moderate levels:
  slapping, pinching, kicking, pulling out clumps of hair.

• Severe levels:
  choking, beating with objects (sticks, ball bats, bed slats, etc...), use of weapons, and rape.
  One in Three women in a battering relationship are raped.
  There are two kinds of rape in domestic violence:
  
• One, with weapons
  
• Two, when a woman submits out of fear that if she were to say "No" she would be beaten MORE.

Sweet Baby Syndromes

(How Abusers Stage a Return)

• Honeymoon Syndrome:
  also known as "Hearts and Flowers" any bribe that will get you to return.
• Super Parent Syndrome:
  tells you that they will be a great parent if you return. This works especially if they have neglected the kids in the past.
• Revival Syndrome:
  "I have been going to church every Sunday since you left." I have accepted Christ into my life." Puts the responsibility for battering on God.
• Sobriety Syndrome:
  "If he/she can stop drinking he/she will stop beating me" Drinking does not cause beating--if it did, then abusers would beat strangers on the street.
• Counseling Syndrome:
  "I have gone to counseling, I won't do it anymore." Long term counseling is needed and less that 1% voluntarily go into counseling.

(Source: Walker, Lydia, Tennessee Task Force on Domestic Violence Conference, January 1989)

Common Characteristics of Battered Women

1. have low self esteem
   
2. believe all the myths about battering relationships
   
3. be a traditionalist about the home, may strongly believe in family unity and the prescribed feminine sex-role stereotype
   
4. accept responsibility for the batterer's actions
   
5. suffer from guilt, yet deny the terror and anger she feels
   
6. have severe stress reactions with psychophysiological complaints
   
7. use sex as a way to establish intimacy
   
8. believe that no one will be able to help her resolve her predicament

Common Characteristics of Batterers

1. have low self esteem
   
2. believe all the myths about battering relationships
   
3. be a tradionalist believing in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine sex role in the family
   
4. blame others for their actions
   
5. be pathologically jealous
   
6. present a dual personality
   
7. have severe stress reactions during which they use drinking and battering to cope
   
8. frequently use sex as an act of aggression to enhance self-esteem
   
9. not believe the violent behavior should have negative consequences
   

Similarities in Stories of Battered Women

1. initial surprise
   
2. unpredictability of acute battering incidents
   
3. overwhelming jealousy
   
4. unusual sexuality
   
5. lucid recall of the details of acute battering incidents
   
6. concealment
   
7. drinking
   
8. extreme psychological abuse
   
9. family threats
   
10. extraordinary terror through the use of guns and knives
    
11. omnipotence
    
12. awareness of death potential
    

(Source: Walker, Lenore, The Battered Woman - 1979)

Separation Violence

• Many, perhaps most, people believe that the victim will be safe once they separate from the batterer. They also believe that victims are free to leave abusers at any time. However, leaving does not usually put an end to the violence. Batterers may, in fact, escalate their violence to coerce a victim into reconciliation or to retaliate for the perceived rejection or abandonment of the batterer. Those who believe they are entitled to relationship with their victim or that they "own" their partner, view the victim's departure as an ultimate betrayal which justifies retaliation. (Saudners & Browne, 1990; Dutton, 1988; Bernard el at, 1982)
  
• Evidence of the gravity of separation violence is overwhelming.
  
• Up to 3/4 of domestic assaults reported to lawenforcement agencies were inflicted after separation of the couples. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1983)
  
• One study reveals that 73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services sustained injuries after leaving the batterer. (Starks et al, 1981)
  
• In a study of women seeking divorce in Philadelphia in 1986, 11% of the women reported that they were assaulted during separation even though they had not been abused during co-habitation. 32.6% of the women said that they were fearful during negotiations for child custody, about 22% stated that they were fearful of retaliatory violence during negotiations for child support and 27.7% fearful during negotiations for property. 13% of the women in the study stated that they gave up legal rights because of their fear of retaliatory violence. (Kurz & Coughey, 1989)
  
• Almost 1/4 of the women killed by their male partners in one study in Philadelphia and Chicago were separated or divorced from the men who killed them. 28.6% of the women were attempting to end the relationship when they were killed. (Casanave and Zahn, 1986) In one study of spousal homicide, over half of the male defendants were separated from their victims. (Bernard et al, 1982)
  
• Women are most likely to be murdered when attempting to report abuse or to leave an abuse relationship. (Sonkin et al, 1985; Browne)
  
• Because leaving may be dangerous--dangerous from the pont that the batterer learns that the relationship may end through several years after separation--does not mean that the battered woman should say. Cohabiting with the batterer is highly dangerous both as violence usually increased in frequency and severity over time and as a batterer may engage in preemptive strikes, fearing abandonment or anticipating separation even before the battered woman reaches such a decision. Although leaving may pose additional hazards, at least in the short run, the research data demonstrates that ultimately a battered woman can best achieve safety and freedom apart form the batterer.
  
• Leaving will require strategic planning and legal intervention to avert separation violence and to safeguard victims and their children. Work on your PLAN.

Reaction of Women Being Beaten

1. Denial or minimization of the abuse: "It really wasn't that bad", It only happens every few months.
2. Self blame: "If I can figure out how to make him happy, I can prevent the battering.
3. Seeks help: goes to friends, relatives, clergy, shelters, or even to a motel.

• Note: All these can be going on at once, they are not necessarily single steps.

Source: Walker, L. TN Task Force on Domestic Violence Conference, 1989

The Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence

• The long term effects of domestic violence have not begun to be fully documented. Victims suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant that auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. (O'Reilly, 1983) In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. (Straus, 1987) Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older. Arthritis, hypertension and heart disease have been identified by battered women as directly caused by aggravated by domestic violence early in their adult lives. (Corrao, 1985)
  
• Battered women lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Absences occasioned by court appearances also jeopardize women's livelihood. Battered women may have to move many times to avoid violence. Moving is costly and can interfere with continuity of employment. Battered women often lose family and friends as a result of the battering. First, the batterer isolates them from family and friends. Battered women then become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw from support persons to avoid embarrassment.
  
• Some victims have lost their religious communities when separating from abusers because religious doctrine prohibits separation or divorce whatever the severity of abuse. Even in more "open-minded" establishments, this is especially true for same-sex couples
  
• Many battered women have had to forgo financial security during divorce proceedings to avoid further abuse. (Kurz & Coghey, 1989) As a result they are impoverished as they grow older. (Marshall & Sisson, 1987)
  
• One-third of the children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems, including psychosomatic disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fears, sleep disruption, excessive crying and school problems. (Jaffe et al, 1990; Hilberman & Munson, 1977-78)
  
• Those boys who witness their fathers' abuse of their mothers are more likely to inflict severe violence as adults. (Hotaling & Sugerman, 1986) Data suggest that girls who witness maternal abuse may tolerate abuse as adults more than girls who do not. (Hotaling & sugarman, 1986) These negative effects may be diminished if the child benefits from intervention by the law and domestic violence programs. (Giles-Sims,1985)
  
• The long -term effects of child sexual abuse include "depression and self-destructive behavior, anger and hostility, poor self-esteem, feelings of isolation and stigma, difficulty in trusting others (especially men), and martial and relationship problems, and a tendency toward revictimization." Finkelhor & Brown, 1988) Other effects identified include runaway behavior, hysterical seizures, compulsive rituals, drug and school problems. (Conte, 1988)