My One and Only Disclaimer
My many Florida State friends have told me, emailed me, written to me, or left phone messages with humor equally squalid and I had great fun when they did. If you are offended or think they are in poor taste, leave the site. And relax.
|
After Bobby Bowden dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Bobby a little two-bedroom house with a faded FSU banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Bobby looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Gator flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Gator banner hangs between the marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Spurrier gets a mansion with new Gator banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God replies,"That's not Spurrier's house, that's mine!" ____________________________________________
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The Genie responded, "I am not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant that wish". "Well," the general responds, "then can you have Florida State beat Florida this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again." ___________________________________________
Steve Spurrier and Bobby Bowden were talking about their favorite all-time college coaches. Steve said, "My favorite has got to be Knute Rockne. When I die and go to heaven, I am going to run right up to him and tell him how much I admired him and how much of a positive influence I think he had on the game." Bobby asked, "What if Coach Rockne didn't go to heaven?" Steve replied, "Then you can tell him for me." ___________________________________________
FSU and Tenn. meet in a bowl game this year. The captains meet at mid-field - the Tenn. captain asks �What does that FSU stand for?� The semi-hole replies �FLORIDA STOMPED US!!!� The FSU captain in return asks �What does that UT stand for?� The Tenn. captain says �US TOO!!!!!!�
Just to see how much you know, what does ACC REALLY stand for?
-Atlantic Cupcake Conference
-All Criminal Conference
-Almost Can Compete
-Nothing
Did you hear about the Native Americans who were protesting outside of Super Bowl XXXI? Apparently they
were upset that the game was being played on a Seminole burial ground!
Actual bumper sticker: IN POLAND THEY TELL FSU JOKES
Q. What's the best thing to come out of Tallahassee?
A. I-10!
Q. What did the FSU graduate say to the UF graduate?
A. "You want fries with that?"
Q. How do you sell out a FSU home game?
A. Invite the Florida Gators!
Did you hear that the FSU defense didn't return from New Orleans until 6 months after the 1997 Sugar
Bowl? They were waiting to be released from the Tulane Medical Center burn unit!
Q. How close did FSU come to the National Championship in 1996?
A. 143 miles
Q. How do you make Seminole cookies?
A. Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours!
Q. What's the difference between FSU and a bag of manure?
A. The bag!
Q. What does a seven course meal in Tallahassee consist of?
A. A six pack and a possum!
...and in a similar vein...
Q. What does a Seminole date consist of?
A. A six pack and a goat!
Did you hear that Bobby Bowden was hospitalized after the 1997 Sugar Bowl? His blood pressure was 52
over 20!
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead 'Nole in the middle of the
road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog!
Did you hear about the FSU grad who locked his keys in his car? His wife and kids were trapped inside!
Q. How many 'Noles does it take to change a tire?
A. All of them because it was such a big blowout!
Q. Why are there no Nativity scenes on the FSU campus at Christmas?
A. Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin!
One day a Gator fan happened by a group of FSU fans who were clapping, cheering, and raising quite a fuss. When the Gator fan asked what all the excitement was about, a FSU fan said, "We just finished this puzzle in 60 days!" "60 days!" the UF fan exclaimed. "That must have been some puzzle!" "You bet it was," said the FSU fan. "On the box it says 2 to 4 years!"
One day a UF fan noticed an FSU fan intently staring at a can of Welch's frozen grape juice in the grocery store. When the UF fan asked what was going on, the FSU fan replied, "It says CONCENTRATE."
Q. How many Seminoles does it take to eat dinner?
A. Three, one to eat it, and the other two to watch for cars!
Latest FSU fight song: "Tears for Spears"!!!!
Did you hear about the jet with 50 Seminole alumni in it? It crashed. You know what the worst part was? Three empty seats.
Q. What do they call duct tape in Tallahassee?
A. Chrome!
Actual bumper sticker: YOU'RE UGLY AND YOUR MOTHER SENDS YOU TO FLORIDA STATE
Q. Why should they replace the grass in Doak-Campbell Stadium with artificial turf?
A. So the cheerleaders will stop grazing!
Q. How can you tell when a 'Nole has been using the computer?
A. There's white-out on the screen!
Q. What should you do if you find three 'Noles buried up to their necks in cement?
A. Get more cement!
Actual bumper sticker: DIRECTIONS TO TALLAHASSEE: GO NORTH UNTIL YOU SMELL IT, GO WEST UNTIL YOU STEP IN IT
Q. What do you call a pretty girl on the FSU campus?
A. A visitor!
Q. Did you hear about the 'Nole that went to Orlando?
A. He saw a sign that said, "ORLANDO LEFT," so he turned around and went home!
Dear Abby, I just met this nice girl and I want to ask her to marry me. Here is my problem. My father is in jail for armed robbery. My mother is the town prostitute and I also have a brother that goes to FSU. I have a sister that is hooked on crack cocaine. My fiancee does not know any of this. I am afraid that if I tell her about my brother that goes to FSU, she will not want to marry me. What should I do?
There was this computer in a bar that dispensed drinks and conversation according to your I.Q. So the first guy walks up and enters an I.Q. of 225 and the computer gives him a drink with seven call brand liquors and says, "Let's talk about nuclear fission." The second guy goes up and enters an I.Q. of 125 and the computer gives him Jack on the rocks and says, "Hey buddy, lets talk women!" So the third guy walks up and enters an I.Q. of 7 and the computer spits out a CostCutter Beer and says, "Go 'Noles!!"
Q. What do you call a FSU grad driving an expensive car?
A. A thief!
Q. What do you call a FSU grad walking around in a mansion?
A. A burglar!
Good uses for a FSU diploma:
1. Toilet paper
2. Proof of need for handicapped parking sticker
3. Crying towel
4. Fuel to burn on end of F.S.U. burning spear (may substitute pink slips)
5. Proof of need for welfare
Q. If two FSU graduates jump off a cliff, which one hits the ground first?
A. Who cares!?
Q. How many Seminoles does it take to tackle Danny Wuerffel?
A. I don't know, but it's more than eleven!
Q. What do you call an FSU grad wearing a suit and tie?
A. The defendant!
Q. How many FSU students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one but they get 3 credits for it!
Q. What do you get when you cross a Seminole with a Bulldog?
A. Nothing...there are some things even a Bulldog won't do!
Q. Why did they stop doing the wave at Joke-Shamble Stadium?
A. Because the fans were drowning!
Q. Why did they stop selling ice at FSU games?
A. Because the guy with the recipe finally graduated!
Q. What is the biggest bone of contention when two FSU grads get divorced?
A. Who gets to keep the trailer!
FSU coeds are so ugly, local restaurants hand out doggy bags before they eat!
Q1. What's the difference between an FSU cheerleader and an elephant?
A1. About twenty pounds.
Q2. How do you make up the difference?
A2. Force feed the elephant!
Q. What is the difference between a building full of FSU fans and a porcupine?
A. With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!
FSU just hired a new defensive coordinator...Johnny Cochran!
Q. When two Seminole football players ride in a car, who is driving?
A. A cop!
A FSU fan walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head. The doctor asks, "Can I help you?" The frog says, "Can you please cut this growth off my butt!!"
A FSU honor graduate walked into a convenience store the day after graduation to buy a soda. When he got to the counter to pay, he asked the clerk (in a thru-the-nose redneck drawl, of course), "What's that there thing up there on the shelf?" Looking over his shoulder, the clerk replied, "That's a thermos." The FSU grad asked, "What's it for?" The clerk replied, "It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold." The FSU grad says, "I got to have me one of them there things", and bought one. That night when he got home, he put it on the kitchen table. His wife, who was also a FSU honor grad asked, "What's that there thing on the table?" He replied, "That's a thermos." "What's it for," she asked. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," he said. "Oh, yeah, what's it got in it?" she asked. He answered, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle!"
Q. Why did God give FSU cheerleaders one more brain cell than horses?
A. So they wouldn't crap in parades!
Q. Why did it take two FSU graduates three hours to buy a new color TV.
A. They kept arguing over which color to get!
Q. Why did Forrest Gump chose 'Bama over FSU?
A. He wanted an academic challenge!
Q. How do you get a FSU cheerleader into your dorm room?
A. Grease her hips and push!
Q. How do you keep a FSU player from drowning in a puddle?
A. Take your foot off his head!
When a Gator was done doing his business in the restroom, he started to walk out the door until a Seminole said, "Hey Gator, at FSU they teach us to wash our hands after we pee." Then the Gator fan said, "Here at Florida they teach us not to pee on our hands!"
A Florida grad, a Miami grad, and a FSU grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The Florida grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the Florida grad to jump over the wall and escape. The Miami grad is next, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the Miami grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The FSU grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers what the Florida and Miami grads had done, so he yells, "Fire!"
Q. How do you keep a 'Nole out of your front yard?
A. Put a goal post up!
Q. What did the Florida grad say to the FSU grad?
A. Will the defendant please rise.
Q. What do a Florida student and a FSU student have in common?
A. They were both accepted to FSU.
A FSU fan and a FSU football player went hunting. They came upon some tracks. The fan said, "Look at those deer tracks." The player said, "No, those look like bear tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.
There was an FSU grad who bought a horse from a minister. The minister said, "Say 'Praise the Lord' to make him go, and 'Amen' to make him stop." The FSU grad took the horse and left. They were galloping at quite a fast pace when they suddenly approached a cliff. The 'Nole forgot what to do, and kept on yelling, "Stop! Stop!" until he finally remembered. He then yelled "Amen," and the horse stopped. Seeing that they were saved and only a few inches away from the cliff, the 'Nole was rejoiced and yelled, "Praise the Lord!"
A FSU graduate's wife just had a brand new set of twins. When the husband saw this he went crazy and ran out of the hospital with a scalpel, looking for the other man.
I had a FSU fan in my family tree...he's still hanging there!
Top Ten 'Nole Excuses for Losing 32-29:
10. Worn out from playing that tough ACC schedule.
9. Defense told to hit later then ever so they were waiting until Tuesday.
8. Nothing fires up 'Noles like horse crap but UF wouldn't let them bring Renegade.
7. Doug Johnson told Busby about all the best bars to hit on Thursday night; Doug stayed home.
6. Sneaky Gators stole Bowden's supply of Depends.
5. Bowden's bribe check to refs bounced after first quarter.
4. Gators were supposed to roll over and die like everyone else on the schedule.
3. Papa Bowden called Baby Bowden for advice at half-time.
2. Sold out stadium full of screaming fans an unfair advantage; nobody could hear the chop.
1. Players too focused on academics to play football.
Did you hear what happened in Tallahassee? Hog hunting season started and somebody shot the Homecoming Queen!
Q. What do tornadoes and FSU grads have in common?
A. They both always end up in trailer parks!
Four doctors were in a break room discussing operating procedures. The first doctor said, "I like to operate on librarians. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The second doctor said, "I prefer accountants. Everything inside them is numbered." The third doctor said, "I kind of like engineers. They don't mind if there are parts left over when you are done." The fourth doctor, by far the most experienced, said, "Seminole fans are by far the easiest. They're heartless, spineless, and gutless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable."
Q. Why was the 'Nole fired from the M&Ms factory?
A. He kept throwing away all the W's, 3's, and E's!
There was a man who walked into a bar carrying an alligator under his arm. He asked the barkeeper, "Do you serve 'Noles in here?" The barkeeper reluctantly replied, "Yes." The man then proceeded, "Good. I'll have a beer on the rocks. And my Gator will have a 'Nole."
Q. What do you call a 'Nole with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant.
Q. What do you do when a 'Nole throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Take out the pin and throw it back.
I was flying back from a business trip to Atlanta. I noticed this individual sitting across the aisle from me and said to her, "I see you went to FSU." As we were deplaning, she asked me, "How did you know I went to FSU?" I answered, "I saw your class ring as you were picking your nose!"
Q. What did the FSU grad say to the UF grad?
A. Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order please?
A guy's going in for brain surgery and the doctor asks him, "What kind of brain do you want?" "I don't know," says the patient. "Well a Gator brain will cost five dollars a pound," the doctor says, "a Hurricane brain costs ten dollars a pound, and a Seminole brain will cost you one thousand dollars a pound." "What!!" the patient replies, "why does the Seminole brain cost so much more?" The doctor answers, "Do you have any idea how many Seminoles it takes to come up with a pound of brains?"
Actual bumper sticker: Go ahead, hit me, there's a 'Nole in my trunk.
FSU Motto: FSU...Where the women are women, and the men are, too!
Q. What do you call toasted sushi?
A. Samari Rolle!
Q. Why did O.J. choose USC over FSU?
A. He learned that FSU was already over the salary cap!
Q. What is the difference between Deion Sanders and Mr.. T?
A. Mr.. T wears less jewelry!
Course offered at FSU: HOW TO MANAGE A McDONALD'S 101
(This must be a graduate course, since most FSU grads can only strive to work AT McDonald's!)
What F.S.U. really stands for:
1. Free Shoes University (attributed to Steve Spurrier)
2. Florida Stomped Us
3. First Simpleton University
4. Florida's Second-Rate University
5. Friggin' Stupid Underachievers
6. Florida Scares Us
7. Freaks Seeking Undergraduation
8. Financially Shady University
9. Fat, Stupid and Ugly
10. Fans Shun Us
11. Florida Spanked Us!
12. Flippin' Stupid Ugly
13. Falling-in Shabby University
14. Florida's Sorry University
15. Your suggestions here...
You might be a 'Nole if...
1. You can bench press more than your S.A.T. score (submitted by Derek Ottens)
2. Your blood alcohol level is higher than your G.P.A. (submitted by Derek Ottens)
3. Your suggestions here...
Visions of SUGAR Plums
Twas the day after New Year's, and all through the state
All the Nole fans were crying, the Gators felt great!
The Noles were all decked out in yellow and reds,
while visions of twelve and 0 danced in their heads.
Coach Bobby, equipped with his Number One ranking,
expected to give Number Three a very good spanking.
He figured to rule from the opening snap
but his team took an unscheduled long winter's nap.
While from the far bench came a growl and a chomp.
the sign said New Orleans, but this was The Swamp!
And what to our most grateful eyes should appear
but the Longhorns and Buckeyes in Orange and Blue gear.
>From UF's first drive to the game clock's last tick
'twas not just the flu-stricken Noles that were sick.
Their teammates and fans who had hoped to score plenty
had to settle, at length, for a measly twenty.
Meanwhile, cross the gridiron, the Orange and the Blue
set a Sugar Bowl record. They scored fifty-two.
On Offense! On Defense! On coaches of Gators!
On legions of face painted Seminole haters!
On Wuerffel! On Hilliard! On Taylor and Green!
Throw out of the shotgun! Run out of the screen!
On linesmen, on place kickers, punters, and backs,
all capitalize on what FSU sorely lacks.
Catch pick-offs, cause fumbles watch out for the blitz!
Don't dare let your quarterback suffer late hits.
And each time you guys get your hands on the ball
it's dash away, crash away, smash away all!
In the end, Heisman winners stand out in the crowd-
The coach and his quarterback, humble yet proud.
And I heard them exclaim as they passed from our sight.
"The vote comes tomorrow. This has been a good night!"
---------------------
A fsu graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results.
"Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," the grad said, "shoving them up my butt?" ----------------------------------
There were two old boys from fsu who loved to fish. They wanted to do some ice fishing that they'd heard about in Canada, so they took off to try it. The lake was frozen nicely, so they stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
After they got their equipment, they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks." He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.
In about an hour, he was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the stupid boat in the water yet." -----------------------------------------
Two Seminole fans boarded a flight out of Atlanta to Jacksonville. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a Gator fan got on and took the aisle seat next to the Seminole fans. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seminole fan in the window seat said "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Gator fan, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the Seminole fans picked up the Gator fan's shoe and spit in it. When he returned with the coke, the other Nole fan said,"That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Gator fan obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Seminole fan picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Gator fan returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Jacksonville. As the plane was landing, the Gator fan slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Gators fan fumed. "This hostility between our peoples? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?" -----------------------------------------------
A Seminole fan was bragging that in HIS University there are 79 different ways to make mad passionate love. The Gator fan listened patiently. "That's amazing. Where I come from there's really only one."
"Oh," sniffed the Seminole fan, "just one? And which way is that?"
"Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . . "
"Praise the Lord!!!" The Seminole fan exclaims, "Number 80!!!" -------------------------------------------------
A football player from FSU, a player from the University of Tennessee and a player from UF all committed horrible crimes and were sentenced to death. They were all scheduled to be executed on the same day. When it came time for the execution, the executioner spoke with all three of them and said, "Ya know guys, I'm really not such a bad guy and to show you how nice I am, I'm going to grant each of you one final request."
The FSU player said "Great. I would like to hear the sound of 80 thousand fans at Doak Campbell Stadium chanting the war chant just one more time".
The executioner said, "OK, I've got a tape recording of that around here somewhere and before I pull the switch, I'll play it for you."
The UT player said "Ya know, that sounds pretty good. I would like to hear 100 thousand fans singing 'Rocky Top' just one more time."
The executioner said, "Okay, that can be arranged. I have a tape recording of that also."
"Okay Mr. Gator, what is your last request?"
The UF player said calmly, "Please kill me first." -----------------------------------------------------
FSU classes: Coach Bowden enters the locker room and eyes one of his players. "Son, I hate to do this to you. I realize that you're the star of the team, but you're failing your classes and I can't let you play."
"Give me a break, coach!" pleads the jock.
"I'll tell you what - I'll ask you a question, and if you get it right, you can play... what is two plus two?"
The jock counts on his fingers, "one, two, three,... The answer must be four!"
"Did you say four?" asks the excited coach.
"Sure did, Coach!"
As the coach starts to jump and scream in excitement, the other members of the FSU team can be heard begging, "Gee, come on coach, give him another chance!" ---------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a FSU sports bar in Tallahassee and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!" --------------------------------------------------------------
COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM FOR FSU ATHLETES
___________________________________________
Time Limit: 3 WEEKS
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
____ (a) build a bridge
____ (b) sail the ocean
____ (c) lead an army or
____ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
____ (a) Jewish
____ (b) Catholic
____ (c) Hindu
____ (d) Polish
____ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
____ (a) Westerners
____ (b) Southerners
____ (c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush: __________________________
Carter: __________________________
Clinton: __________________________
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
____ (a) Macy's
____ (b) Kmart
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
____ (a) yes
____ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
____ (a) New York
____ (b) Florida
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
____ (a) B.C
____ (b) A.D.
Signed _______________________
---------------------------------------------------------------
Top 10 Courses at FSU
10. Philosophy: A Study About Why They don't Spell It with an "F"
9. Prelaw Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
8. Sandwich Making: A Project Course
7. Hand Shadow Workshop: The Way to Become An artist .
6. Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
5. Cliff's Notes and Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
4. Hydraulic Principles of the Keg: Chugalug
3. the College Classroom: A Simulation
2. ABC's: An Extended Version
1. Your Ass >From A Hole in the Ground: A Comparative Study
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Florida, a Miami, and a Florida State student were all having lunch
together on a bridge outside of Gainesville.
The Florida student opens his lunch box and says,"A hotdog again! If
I have to eat one more hotdog I'm going to jump off this bridge!"
The Miami student opens his lunchbox and exclaims,"Salad again! If I
have to eat salad one more time, I'm going to jump too!"
Lastly, the Florida State student opens up his lunchbox and
complains,"Peanut butter and jelly! If I have to eat peanut butter and jelly one more
time I'm going to end it all too!"
The next day the Florida student finds another hotdog and jumps...
the Miami student got a salad and also jumped... finally the Florida State
student finds peanut butter and jelly again and jumps to his demise as well.
Later when the three mothers were grieving, the Florida mother
cries,"If I had only known he didn't like hotdogs!" The Miami mother cried,"I
thought salad was good for him." The Florida State mom cried,"I don't
understand...he fixed his own lunch!"
--------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a Florida State girl and garbage?
Garbage gets taken out once in a while.
What do FSU and UF students have in common?
Both got accepted to FSU
Why couldn't they have a nativity scene in FSU last Christmas?
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin in the whole city.
How many FSU freshman does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that's a Junior level course.
Why do FSU grads hang their diplomas on the rear-view mirror?
So they can park in handicapped spots.
What's the difference between a Seminole and a dead possum in the road?
There are skidmarks before the possum.
----------------------------------------------------
There was a hurricane, a gator and a nole sitting on a bench. Someone saw an old lamp under the bench picked it up and dusted it off and low and behold out came a genie
Seeing that there were three people the genie said he could not grant each 3 wishes, but he would grant one wish each
The first was the hurricane He wished for perfect 72 degree weather so the canes would have good weather all year round
The second was the nole He said Tallahassee was getting to crowded and wanted a 30 foot wall built around the city
The third was the gator
"Just a minute he said"
"Yes what is it" said the genie
"How high was that wall in Tallahassee?"
"30 feet" said the genie
"Fill it with water" was the gator's wish
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Modified from the Great Charlie Daniels Version, Devil went down to Georgia,
Its now Bowden came down to Florida
the bowden came down to Florida
he was looking for a title to steal
he was in a bind, cause he was way behind
and he was willing to make a deal
when he came across a young man playing football and playing it hot
and the bowden jumped up on a stadium seat and said
boy let me tell ya what
I guess you didn't know it,
but I'm a football player to,
and if you care to take a dare,
Ill make a bet with you.
Now you play a pretty good game boy
but give the bowden his due,
I bet a football of gold against your #1 hold
cause I think I'm better than you.
The boy said my names Danny
and it might be mean a win,
but Ill take you bet
your gonna regret
cause I'm the best there's ever been.
Danny you loosen up your arm and throw that football hard,
cause hells broke lose in Florida and the Bowden's deal it hard
and if you win you get this football made of gold,
but if you loose the bowden gets your hold.
the bowden won the toss and he said Ill start this show
and words flew from his fat lips as he got his team ready to go
and he spread his team across the field
and the fans made a weak hiss
then a team of players went out
and it looked something about like this
when the bowden was stopped, Danny said your pretty good ol son,
now sit down on that bench right there and let me show you how its done
fire it up the middle run boys run
scores going up like the rising sun
Bowden's on the sidelines loosen his doe
Danny's got the ball to Green, go child go
the bowden bowed his head cause he knew that he'd been beat
and he laid that golden ball on the ground at Danny's feet.
Danny said bowden just come on back if you ever want to try again
Cause I've done told you once you son of a prick
I'm the best there's ever been
and he played
fire up the middle run boys run
scores going up like the rising sun
Bowden's on the sidelines loosen his doe
Danny's got the ball to Green, go child go
-------------