Happy
Passover, Willow
Parts
3 & 4
By Sam James
The underground slave mines of "Hell" had never seen such a parade. The captive slaver demon, "convinced" by Buffy to take them to his leader, led, followed by Riley who kept his rifle trained on its back. Buffy and Xander took the two sides, aiming their crossbow and rocket launcher respectively on either side. Then came Willow and Tara, spells and potions ready. Finally, came Giles and Anya - Giles carefully keeping watch on everything and everyone with his own crossbow, Anya walking casually like a woman out for a stroll in her own neighborhood, which, in a way, she was.
From Willow's associating the slavers with the Passover story, the Slayerettes had naturally assumed they would see desert sand, pyramids, and thrones. They were wrong. Demons had no such need of triangular tombs to store their dead. Instead, in the midst of rock and dirt, the head demon stood ten feet tall, heavily muscled and bare in his red skin, brandishing a whip and a sickle, above a pit of weak human workers who shuddered in fear.
The demon lord turned to face the Slayerettes as they confronted him. "What's this?" he roared, annoyed at seeing humans armed and free. "Who are you? Who let you out of the pits?"
Buffy smiled at him. "I'm Buffy," she paused. "The vampire slayer." She noticed him blink; he obviously had heard of her previous adventure in his realm. Buffy decided to use that.
"The last time I was here I was alone," she took a step forward, "unarmed," she stepped again, "and sooo out of practice." She took another step, close enough to see him sweat. She smiled sweetly and continued, "And I still kicked all your demons' butts." He gulped. Buffy's smile was now a threat. "Now I'm here with my whole team," she gestured to her friends, "Armed to the teeth, and ready for action. So I'm going to ask you just this one time. Are you gonna let my people go or what?"
The demon lord blinked twice and assumed a nonchalant air. "A vampire slayer." He drew himself up to his full eight feet and looked down at the tiny human. "How quaint. But a little out of your jurisdiction, however?"
Buffy waved at the human slaves, "And these are natives?"
"And a stranger shalt thou not oppress, for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt," Willow quoted quietly.
"Still, a vampire slayer is hardly worth the effort," the demon lord scowled down at her. "A more suitable opponent, please." He clapped his hands twice. "Befarek."
Her eyes intent on the demon king, Buffy completely missed the attack of the vampire until he had knocked her to the ground. She looked up, way up, at the biggest vampire she had ever seen, even larger than the Luke who had served as the Master's proxy during the Harvest. Befarek, the nearly seven-foot vampire, had muscles like a weightlifter, blond hair in a crewcut, and a wickedly fast right hook that Buffy was unable to evade.
Meanwhile the rest of the Slayerettes were fighting the demons. Riley and Xander were using guns that, while unable to kill the demons, still pushed them back. Riley was alternating with his electronic stunner and several demons who had gotten too close were on the ground, unconscious. Anya had assumed a strategic position between two boulders and was using her crossbow to good effect. Willow and Tara were shooting out magic fireballs, protected by Giles wielding a heavy sword.
"Humans don't fight back!" one demon screamed.
"They don't use magic either" said an appalled demon as it dodged a fireball.
"You want magic, I'll show you magic," yelled Willow. Her hand reached out and intertwined around Tara's, forming a gestalt (not oy gevalt) bond of magic stronger than just their combined powers. "This is what happened to the last tyrant who didn't let people go!"
A mist rose, presenting a picture from ancient days. Barely clad men, sheathed in sweat, carried heavy blocks of stone, building the cities of Pithom and Ramses before Egyptian overlords armed with whips and swords. The demons murmured, this was a scene familiar to them. In fact, one demon seemed to be taking notes of the cruelty of the slavemasters.
"Daam", said Willow. "Blood" Giles translated for the others. And in the vision, the Nile river turned to blood as the Egyptians recoiled in horror.
Buffy, using the distraction to catch her breath, stood up and faced Befarek.
"Tsfardayah," said Willow. "Frogs," translated Giles as frogs fell from the sky. Willow winced as her frog fear manifest itself to everyone, but still stood firm.
Buffy charged the giant vampire, leaping into a flying kick.
"Keeneem," said Willow. "Wild beasts," translated Giles as lions, boars, and bears assaulted the Egyptians. Anya shot a confused look to Xander who whispered, "The ten plagues that God sent the Egyptians for refusing to let the Jewish slaves go."
Buffy connected, sending Befarek sprawling. She followed with a few rapid punches to his chest. The enslaved humans had stopped working and were watching the battle.
"Ahrov," said Willow. "Vermin," translated Giles as a plague (literally) of rats threatened to overrun the Egyptians. The demons stared, their initial glee at seeing humans tortured fading as they realized the implications. This was a threat. The human spellcasters were flaunting their power, warning of what they could do.
The vampire roared, tossing Buffy aside as he struggled to his feet. Buffy pulled out her stake and swung hard, missing the heart but wounding Befarek in the chest. Meanwhile the other Slayerettes were holding their own as the body count grew.
"Dehver," said Willow. "Disease," translated Giles. In the mist Egyptians were speckled with the pox, vomiting yellow and green, and succumbing to weakness.
Befarek grabbed Buffy by the hand, knocking the stake into the air with one elbow while reaching to bring her close. Buffy took the opportunity for a head-butt that forced the vampire to release her.
"Scheenan," said Willow. "Boils," translated Giles. The demons checked their own skin for the marks as more Egyptians died.
Seeing the success of their fellow humans, the slaves started using their hammers and chisels on their own chains. As they freed themselves they advanced on their demon overlords.
"Bahrad," said Willow. "Hail," translated Giles. Large ice stones bombarded the Egyptians from the sky.
The vampire grabbed some rocks off the ground and lobbed them at Buffy who dodged easily. Xander was using the missile launcher at whole swaths of the demon army while Riley was drawing closer and closer to the demon king.
"Ahrbeh," said Willow. "Locusts," translated Giles as the insatiable insects devoured everything in their path.
Buffy had seized the upper hand in the battle with the vampire, finally grabbing Befarek's leg and with a mighty heave sending him flying in the air, landing far off with a resounding crash.
"Chosehach," said Willow. "Nightfall" Giles translated as the scene turned dark.
The fighting demons, caught between the Slayerettes on one side and an overwhelming uprising among the slaves on the other side, began to melt away.
Willow paused and took a deep breath. "Macaat bchorot." Giles shuddered but translated, "The slaying of the first born." When the demons huddled near their leader did not react he elaborated, "And since demons ruled the earth before the coming of humans, ah, the term first born, um, could reasonably be considered to apply to all demon-kind." The demons turned back to the images in the mist, this time cringing as they realized that the scenes of Egyptians dying could easily be them.
"Slaying of the first born," said the Slayer thoughtfully, holding an ax and a crossbow. "I think I can arrange that." Purpose glinted in her eyes. Riley and Xander moved to cover her back. The demon lord looked at them, at the now freed slaves, and what remained of the army.
"Enough. Enough." He said. "You have ruined these slaves. They were perfectly obedient before you came and now look at them."
"Aw," Buffy mocked. "They've finally wised up and realized you demons ain't so tough when one fights back."
The demon lord waived his hand imperiously, "Take them, just go."
"We won! Yay!" Willow cheered as Buffy used her strength to break the remaining chains and Xander, Giles, and Riley organized the ex-slaves for the journey back. Anya helped the humans gather some of the diamonds and precious jewels they had mined.
The demon lord warily watched them depart, freeing more and more slaves as they went. He turned to his chief general. "We'll follow them at a distance," he said. "We'll follow them through the portal and then attack and catch them by surprise."
As the rabble of ex-slaves neared the portal spot, Giles pulled Buffy aside, "You do realize that this is just a temporary victory. As soon as we depart, the enemy will just abduct more humans and resume operations."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Willow smiled from her position next to Buffy. "If these demons run true to form, there's one more part of the Exodus narrative left."
Giles looked at her in disbelief and began chuckling.
"What?" said Buffy. "What?" Willow and Giles shared a smile.
As soon as they arrived at the same location the Slayerettes had used to enter the dimension, Willow found Tara in the crowd and joined hands. They each pulled out a crystal of exactly the same type they had given to Lily to be their anchor back. "Activos!" the two said in unison. A great one-way dimensional gate formed, looking like a curtain of water or a mirror that was also the surface of a lake with waves.
Xander and Riley shepherded the former slaves through the gate, reassuring them that they would be free on the other side. Anya was the first one through and kept everyone on the other side moving so the gate would not be blocked.
As the last of the slaves went through, Buffy saw the demons running toward the gate. She urged the others to hurry but Willow shook her head. "Wait. We need them to try to go through."
"But, they'll follow us." Buffy protested.
Giles grinned. "I believe that's the plan,"
"But..."'
Giles sighed. "Buffy," he asked. "I'm sure you haven't read the Old Testament. Err, forgive me Willow, the Hebrew Scriptures. But have you seen the movie The Ten Commandments?"
Buffy still looked blank.
Willow, noticing that the demon army had almost reached the portal, dropped her crystal and motioned to Tara to drop hers too. "Buffy trust us, and everybody run now!" They did, crossing the portal only a minute before the chasing demons.
As the Slayerettes emerged onto the U.C. Sunnydale football field, where Lily, following instructions, had moved her crystal, Willow yelled, "Lily, now!" Lily took her crystal and bashed it against a rock, shattering it into powerless shards.
"What, the..." Buffy looked from Lily to Willow and back again. "Explanation time."
"It's the last bit of the exodus from Egypt," Willow said. "After Pharaoh agreed to let the Jewish people go, he changed his mind and chased them. God performed a miracle and split the Red Sea on the border of Egypt, making a path so the Jews could leave Egypt. But when the Jews had all crossed, the two parts of the sea combined again, drowning the Egyptians and letting the Jews escape."
"Okay, and this has to do with what just happened how?"
Tara and Willow locked glances. "We knew the demons would break their word and at-at-attack when we turned our backs for the spell to return," said Tara. "So Willow t-t-told Lily to smash the crystal as soon as all of us went through, t-t-trapping the demons in a portal with no exit."
"But only a couple would have had time to enter the portal before Lily closed it." Buffy protested.
"You're forgetting the time dilation," Giles said. "Seconds here are hours there. They all had plenty of time to enter the portal on their side before it was closed here.
Willow looked at the celebrating freed slaves, cheering and yelling. A mob lifted Buffy on their shoulders and paraded her around.
Willow turned to Tara. "This is what Passover is all about. It's not just the freedom we Jews won from Pharaoh long ago but freedom for all humans everywhere. That's why we still celebrate Passover today as a festival of freedom." The two had time for a brief kiss before they were drawn into the general jubilation.
But, in the other dimension, the vampire Befarek pulled himself up. Vampire healing had restored his strength too late to follow the demon army into Willow's trap. But he knew of another portal the demons had used to lure the youth of L.A. into their dimension. And once in L.A. it would be a simple matter to travel to the Hellmouth where the slayer would never suspect he would follow. "I will be revenged upon you!" the vampire swore.
Part IV
"I forget, why am I doing this again?" Buffy asked Willow and Tara as the three girls neared Willow's parents' house.
"Well," Willow hesitated. "I haven't exactly told everyone about Tara and me, but wanted her here and since you're my roommate and Mom might remember you're my friend it would look odd if she were here and you weren't so I thought..."
"Willow, spare the babble," Buffy said. "That's why you invited me. But why am I here?"
Willow looked at Tara; Tara looked at Willow. "Free food?" Tara put in.
"Home-cooked," Willow added.
"That's it!" Buffy smiled, her mouth watering. UC Sunnydale was not known for its culinary delights even considering the palates of the typical college student.
"Bunny!" Willow's mother greeted them at the door. "How's your mother?"
"She's fine," Buffy had long since given up correcting Willow's mom.
"And you must be Dara, Willow's told me so much about you."
Tara shot an accusing look at Willow who simply shrugged. The three entered the house.
Willow's house seemed completely transformed. The dining room table had the extra leaves in and the special Passover china was laid out on a pure white tablecloth. Although Willow's family did not keep strictly kosher according to the ancient Jewish dietary laws that forbade mixing milk with meat and required the slaughtering of animals in ritualistic fashion, they did keep the special laws about what could be eaten on Passover and so had special dishes that were never contaminated with bread. At the center of the table was a special cup of wine for the prophet Elijah, whom tradition said would announce the coming of the Messiah.
Buffy soon saw why Willow wanted her and Tara there. The Doctors Rosenberg kept talking about Willow's older brothers - she gathered that one had a thriving medical practice in New York while the other was clerking for a state supreme court judge in Massachusetts. But no one talked about Willow's achievements. Whenever a cousin or aunt asked Willow what she was doing and learned that she was attending UC Sunnydale, they asked with surprise, "Didn't you get into Harvard?" or quickly changed the subject.
Soon the polite chit-chat, or what Xander had warned Buffy was the unexpected Yiddish Inquisition, ended and the family gathered around the table. Willow's grandfather, who everyone called Zadie, started the seder with the kiddush, the blessing over the wine. "Is this like Purim?" Buffy whispered to Willow after everyone drank a full cup of wine and then got refills. "Do you Jews get drunk for this holiday too?"
"Just four cups of wine on Passover," Willow whispered back. "One for each blessing."
After the wine, Willow's father held up a strange type of giant square cracker that Buffy had never seen before. "Behold the Matzah, the bread of affliction that our ancestors had to eat when they were slaves in the land of Egypt. Let it remind us of those who today are poor and hungry. May all who are in need share this Passover feast with us. Let all who are hungry come and eat."
The people around the table each read part of the story of Passover about how the Jews were once slaves in Egypt but were freed through God's power. One of Willow's young cousins recited the traditional four questions that asked "Why is this night different from all other nights." There was a lot of talking about how Passover means emancipation wrested from the yoke of conquerors, freedom from the bonds of slavery, and the right of all people to be free. Someday, they read, all the world's Pharaohs, all tyrants everywhere, will be vanquished, right will conquer might, God alone will rule, and everyone will enjoy freedom, justice, and peace.
There was a lot of singing, mostly in Hebrew, which neither Buffy nor Tara could understand but which the Jews at the table seemed to enjoy. All Buffy remembered was a silly English song the children sang about how Pharaoh had frogs in his beard and a Hebrew song that seemed to repeat "Die die Anu" until Buffy wanted to cry "Enough already, just let this Anu guy die in peace."
Finally, after about an hour of this, and the blessing and drinking of a second cup of wine, Willow's mother passed a plate that had pieces of the matzah. A prayer was said and they ate. A second plate was passed that had matzah sandwiches with a strange red filling. Willow warned Buffy and Tara that the red stuff was horseradish, the Passover bitter herbs, but Buffy said she could handle it. "Don't say I didn't warn you," Willow said and smiled vindicated when Buffy took a big gulp of water afterwards.
The meal itself started with a hard-boiled egg each, then gefilte (chopped) fish that Tara pronounced delicious and asked Willow's Bubbie for the recipe. Then there was chicken soup with a light fluffy dumpling that Willow said was a matzah ball. They ate roasted chicken and brisket and many side dishes that Willow had to identify. One of these was a potato kuggel that Buffy thought tasted like a pie made out of mashed potatoes. There was tsimites or stewed fruit and there was farfel stuffing. There were string beans and spinach but no peas, corn, or rice as these were not kosher for Passover. Everyone ate and ate until they noticed the children were getting antsy.
"Go ahead, you can look now," said the Zadie. All the children scattered and started looking under chair cushions, inside cabinets, and between books in the bookcases.
"What are they looking for?" asked Tara.
"They're trying to find the Afikomen," Willow explained. "That's a part of the matzah that's supposed to be the last thing eaten so we need it to continue the sedar."
"He shouldn't have lost it then," Buffy said.
Willow laughed. "Funny, huh. He loses it every year. Whoever finds it gets a prize."
Buffy started looking around, ready to use her special slayer abilities to help. "Um, Buffy," Tara said waving at the kids running around and the adults still seated. "I think this part is just for the children."
Finally, one of the cousins found the special matzah and was rewarded with a giant chocolate bar. The adults resumed the story of Passover. Full from the feast, Buffy's attention drifted as a third cup of wine was blessed and drunk, until Willow's Zadie started talking about the Holocaust, which Buffy remembered from school.
"My turn, my turn," said one of the younger cousins. He ran over to open the door.
Buffy looked at Willow, "Did someone knock?"
"This is part of the ceremony," Willow explained. "We open the door for the Prophet Elijah and hope he comes with the Messiah to bring an era of peace for the world."
The cousin opened the door, and everyone was astonished to see someone there.
"Somehow, I doubt that's Elijah," said Tara as she stared with the rest. It was the giant vampire Befarek grinning as he saw all the helpless people in the room. He was flanked by two other vampires, one on both sides.
"An open door," the vampire said and took a step into the house, followed by the others. Buffy, Willow, and Tara began to stand up but looked at Willow's family who did not know anything about vampires. "An invitation," the vampire said, taking another step. "Let all who are hungry come and eat." All three grinned with menace. "Well, we're hungry. And all of you look so tasty."
Willow's father turned to the Zadie, unsure what to do. The invitation was just part of the ritual and no one had every just walked in before. Buffy surveyed the room for wooden objects; her stakes were in her coat in the closet. How was she supposed to anticipate an invasion of vampires into the house? And how was she supposed to fight three vampires in the middle of a dinner party without someone suspecting something?
Willow thought furiously. While Buffy could not do anything without revealing her identity to far more people than should know about her, Willow certainly did not want her family eaten either. But there was a third option.
Willow grabbed Elijah's cup and two other goblets of wine. She moved to intercept the vampires and offered them each a cup. "You can't eat before you drink," she said.
"Not what we were planning on drinking," the head vampire said. "Still, why not?" and he drained his cup, the two flunkies drinking too. "Now about drinking," he grabbed Willow but before he could do anything, all three vampires began shaking and steam, or was it smoke, began to rise from their bodies.
"Musta drunk the wine too fast," Willow said quickly. "Buffy, bathroom?"
Willow and Buffy, who was already out of her chair the instant the vampire had seized Willow, guided the vampires away from the dining room, barely getting them out of sight before all three exploded into dust.
"How did you do that?" Buffy was amazed. She had no idea Willow was this powerful.
"I didn't do anything," Willow explained. "You told me last year about the vampire you tricked into drinking holy water."
"Yes, but they drunk wine, not water."
"Wine that had already been blessed three times," Willow pointed out. "And kosher for Passover to boot. I figured that had to be at least as powerful as holy water."
The two returned to the dining room and announced that the three strangers had left. "They couldn't handle their wine," Willow explained.
Although Buffy remained on high alert for the rest of the seder, nothing happened. Buffy did figure out that the special Passover prayerbook, the Haggadah, had translations for most of the songs and transliterations using English letters for most of the songs (although she could not figure out why the transliteration for the song about goat bought for two zuzzim simply stated "mumble quickly until chorus").
Finally, the Zadie ended the sedar with "Next Year in Jerusalem" and closed the book. Buffy got up to guard Willow's family as they went to their cars but Willow pulled her down again. "You don't want to miss the best part," she said.
"What's that?" Tara asked.
"Dessert!" Willow squealed. "It's amazing how you can make yummy cake and cookies and mousse without flour if you just add enough chocolate." The three girls laughed together and Buffy's spirits rose. She suddenly realized the real reason Willow had invited her. It was not to fight vampires or to block inquiries about Tara. It was because she was part of Willow's family, Willow's real family - along with Xander, Giles, and strangely even Anya. So naturally, she was included in the family holiday feast.
And Willow was right. It was delicious.
The end
In jokes explained to non-Jews: The rituals and foods and songs for Passover in real life are pretty much as described here (but I simplified and shortened everything considerably).
The song Dayanu (which translates as "It would have been enough") is about all the good things God did to help the Jews. After each verse about how God saved us from Egypt and fed us with manna and gave us the Torah etc, everyone says Dayanu, it would have been enough.
The song about the goat is a song where each verse gets added to all the previous ones so you get verses like "Then came the water that quenched the fire, that burned the stick, that beat the dog, that bit the cat, that ate the goat, that my father had bought for two zuzzim". Traditionally, the leader goes faster and faster with each new verse so that near the end, even those of us who know the Hebrew words are reduced to mumbling.
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