Four to six weeks later:
*Everyone's out, so Howie snuck back into the house. There's a knock on the door, Howie answers.
Howie: Yes?
Delivery guy: Hello little girl, is there an adult home?
Howie: Oh I'm an adult, and if you'd like me to, I'll prove it to you. *wink, drool, wink, wink, drool, wink* (sorry, got a bit carried away there). Is that large "package" for me?
Delivery Guy: Just sign for it, I've still got a 2 ton crate of chocolate cakes to deliver to the castle, by any chance does Sally Struthers live there?
Howie: *signs the form* Not that I know of, the Queen does have some strange fetishes though. Speaking of fetishes, I can think of a much better way that we can use those cakes. *wink*
Delivery Guy: I just need you to sign your name, I don't need your *shudder* bra size.
Howie: Don't be so sure. *wink*
Delivery Guy: This uniforms gonna be the death of me. When I finish my rounds, I'm joining a monastery.
Everyone returns:
Brian: Great, it finally arrived.
AJ: The box is awfully small.
Chris: That's because we have to assemble it.
JC: Assemble it, oh man I don't wanna, I'm tired.
AJ: You're always tired, now get off your lazy ass and help us assemble it.
JC: I'm not lazy, I'm just an apathetic person.
AJ: You're not apathetic, just plain pathetic.
JC: That's it! *attacks AJ*
Chris: Ha ha, cat fight. Now ladies, be nice.
*Chris gets pulled into the fight.
Howie: Go for the jugulars, the jugulars!
*Howie gets pulled into the cloud of dust and swearing
Brian: Now knock it off! We need to build this damn bed.
*Fighting stops
AJ: Ow, who bit me?
Howie: (to be read like Austin Powers) Oh I didn't bite...hard.
AJ: Great, now I need a rabies shot!
Brian: Will everyone shut up, nothing gets done until the bed is made.
JC: We could have had an already-made one but nooooooo, we had to get a cheap one from the Ikea outlet. Stupid particle board.
Chris: Lets just get this done.
They begin working:
Brian: So where are the instructions?
*All stare at Joey
AJ: Oh wait, found 'em.
Chris: Ok take piece one and put it in slot Q. Then remove Part C from MQB and place it in the 4th slot below G. Then put your left hand on green and your right foot on red.
All: ?
Chris: These instructions make no sense, NO SENSE!
AJ: I'm sure we can figure this out ourselves.
JC: Ok pass that thing... ya know, the one you use to drive screws in... The um...wrench.
Brian: This is hopeless.
AJ: Ok, take that piece over there, it should go with this piece here.
Howie: Are you sure?
AJ: Yeah, now put it in the hole, no harder, it's too big, it's not going in.
Howie: You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that. *wink*
AJ: That's sick guy. Man, you're on your own.
Howie: As always. *Stares down at hand* Looks like its just us two again.
Chris: Oh get a room.
Brian: Here, these pieces go together. I've got a bolt, can I have a nut to go with it?
Chris: Hey where'd the bag go?
*All stare at Joey
Joey: But the bag said nuts on it.
Brian: Oh well, pass the duct tape.
A week later:
Brian: We're finally done.
Amish guy who appeared from nowhere: That's a fine barn, but she's no pool.
Chris: D'oheth. Wait it was supposed to be a bed.
JC: Oh hell with it, all this work is making me tired. *Lies down on the bed*
*Bed collapses.
JC: *from beneath the rubble* Hello? Little help?
AJ: Ah crap, *pulls Sleepy up* now what do we do?
Joey: *eats rubble*
Chris: At least there's no clean up.
AJ: Oh hell, just throw her carcass off the cliff, she'll be fine, gays always land on their feet.
Brian: That's cats you moron.
Chris: Let's just leave her in the clearing, someone'll find her and take her away.
JC: Don't we need to cut off her head and put it on a stick we've sharpened at both ends and leave it for the beast first?
All: ?
Chris: That was Lord of the Flies you idiot. Now just leave her here.
*They untie her from the tree and lay her in the middle of the clearing.
JC: Shouldn't someone say a few words first?
Brian: It's so sad, she was so stupid, and now, we're stuck with her hideous remains.
All: *start crying*
Looking gorgeous as always, Kevin rides in on a black stallion:
Kevin: (to the tune of when doves cry) So this is what it sounds like, when dwarves cry.
Brian: Hey, you must be Prince.
Kevin: Well I'm not Prince, or the artist, or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days, but I am Prince charming.
Chris: Gee, someone doesn't have an ego problem.
Kevin: Shut up or I'll step on you. So this is Snow White. I expected more.
AJ: For the love of Pete, just break the spell so we can all go home.
Kevin: *leans down to kiss Snow White but jumps up in disgust* Hey wait a sec, chicks don't have Adam's apples. This is a man, man.
Author: Details, details, just kiss her. At least the dude looks like a lady.
Kevin: But that's sick.
Author: Watch it or I'll let Howie have his way with you.
Kevin: I'll be good! *Kisses Snow White*
Snow White: Oh my hero, I knew my prince would come.
Kevin: *shudder* Are you sure I'm in the right fairy tale, this looks more like beauty and the beast.
Snow White: I've been in a coma for the last few weeks. I didn't have time to wax.
Author: This story's gone on long enough, just carry her off into the sunset.
Kevin: But where's the part with the dwarf tossing?
Author: There is no dwarf tossing! Now go!
Kevin: But that's the only reason I agreed to be in this story. Oh well, get on.
*Snow White mounts Kevin
Kevin: I MEANT THE HORSE!!!
*They both ride off into the sunset
The End
***Epilogue
Nick became addicted and ate too much chocolate cake. He gained 900 pounds and ended up on an episode of Jerry Springer. The crew had to remove a wall and airlift him to the nearest hospital. On the way his weight caused the helicopter to plummet into a busy intersection but his body fat cushioned his fall, sadly 3 cars and a milk truck were enveloped and never seen again. The following day he was carried by flat bed truck to Richard Simmons home where he regained his girlish figure. They've lived there together happily ever since.
Joey's hotdog tree has yet to grow.
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