Chapter 5:
"Taybear!" Zoe shouted as she climbed onto my stomach and began bouncing up and down, trying to get me to get up. (~AN~don't even think about it you sick-O's that is just beyond disgusting and I'm sure it's against their morals to inbreed~)
"What Zoe?" I asked cheerfully even though it was early.
"Taybear, I wan you ta pway dollies wit me." She said with an irresistible puppy dog pout on her face. I guessed that Jessie and Avie had been teaching her how to guilt trip people, she probably knew how to turn on the faucets and cry over anything to get her way also. Jessie and Avie knew how to, very well actually, and did so quite often.
"Okay princess, I'll play dollies but only for a little bit because I'm going to the park at 8:00."
"Ooh, yay. Taybear can I go to the park too?"
"No princess. This is something that I have to do by myself."
"Oh, pweasee!" she begged and then as I had predicted earlier she turned on the water works.
"Okay, Okay, you can come but you have to promise to be good. And please stop crying." I was damned for life, she knew how to turn on the tears and I am just too soft, I fall for it every time.
"Yeah! Tank you Taybear! Now you gotta hewp me get dressed to go to a park."
"Alright princess, let's go to your room and pick out some clothes, then I'll help you get ready. As soon as you're ready you can play with dollies for a few minutes while I get ready to go. Then we'll walk to the park and you can play for a little while so I can do what I need to do."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I sat down on the bench that Lily suggested I sit on and waited to see Aspyn come running over the hill. Lily had instructed me on exactly what to do. I was supposed to come here, to this park by 8 am. Aspyn always left for her runs around that time. When I reached the park I was to sit on this bench and wait. Once I saw Aspyn heading toward me I was to head quickly around the bend, with my roller-blades on. Then when I heard her coming I should inconspicuously skate out into the path and as if I weren't paying attention and run into her. The whole plan seemed as though it would work, I just don't know how Aspyn will react. I hope she takes it well.
I was dreaming up ways that Aspyn would react when I saw her tiny figure appear down the path. Her ponytail was rustling behind her and her wind-pants were swishing against themselves. I sat staring at her in awe for a few seconds before realizing that if I didn't move she would see me and the whole carefully planned out scenario would be shot and I'd be left alone to ad-lib. I stood up and looked at Zo� who was contently playing in the sandbox, as soon as I was sure she was okay I skated cautiously across the grass to my hiding spot in a bush. From there I could see when she was close enough and when I should make my move.
I crouched behind the bush and watched through the branches. I finally saw Aspyn, about a minute later. I looked at her and longed to hold her in my arms again. I remembered the many days that we had spent together when all I did was hold her in my arms. Those were some of the finest days of my relatively short life. I snapped back to earth when I could hear Aspyn's heavy breathing. I assumed that she hadn't run in at least 2 months and she was still getting back into the swing of things. I quickly skated a few yards down the paved path and turned around, I began to skate back in the direction that Aspyn would be coming from. I casually skated back and forth trying not to look too obvious. I looked off the path and began to watch a few little chipmunks scamper about. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her skating toward me and I casually sped up making sure to be in her path. I knew that Aspyn never looked up from the ground while she was running and she tended to get into what she called her 'zone' where she rarely noticed what was going on around her. She would most likely be in her 'zone' now and if I skated quickly she would never notice me coming until it was too late.
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Chapter 6:
As I ran from my house to the park I reminisced. The cool thing was that I hardly thought about Taylor. I was just remembering all the fun times I had had around Tulsa with Lily and all of my other friends. I mean Occasionally thought about Taylor and tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I protested and found a happy memory to laugh over. Finally when I was about three-quarters of the way to the park I fell into my 'zone'. I wasn't really paying attention to anything as I ran through my favorite park.
I was almost halfway through the park and rounding a bend in the path when I was rudely knocked over by some out of control, over confident, arrogant skater. I was thoroughly pissed off and about to give that little crack-head a piece of my mind when he offered me a hand. I took hold of the strong hand and as he tugged me off the ground. His hand was so soft and gentle yet strong and captivating. And, my, was it large, he must have one heck of a�my thoughts were halted when I looked into the piercing blue eyes that I knew all too well. Well, if I remember things correctly he had one hell of a rifle, very far from a pistol.
As soon as I was standing I pulled my eyes from his gaze, which I was rapidly falling into and ripped my hand from his tightening grasp. I couldn't let myself fall for him again, it would only hurt me more. I wouldn't look at him that would only break the walls I had built up against him break down around me. It was just so hard to hate him, there was almost nothing about him to really hate. The only thing he ever did wrong was break up with me when I needed him the most.
"Watch it!" I acted confident even though I was trembling with uncertainty. I had no clue what to say to him and my brain was failing me at an important time. See, now that is one thing that has changed between us, silences never used to be awkward, we just didn't need to use words to communicate to each other. This particular silence though short was very uncomfortable.
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't see you, I should have been paying more attention. Are you okay?" he asked, his voice soft and sweet. He was using the voice that he used when he was putting on the charm, he usually used it when he didn't do his homework or when he got busted for doing something bad, now I wasn't sure why he was using it.
"You should be. Next time you better watch where you're going, you could really hurt someone." I was trying really hard to sound condescending and mad, but I just ended up sounding like a mother. You know when they say something like 'you cold put an eye out with that'.
I turned around and started to jog away, before he could say anything sweet and make me want to talk to him. God only knows where that would lead.
"Darlin'" he called after me using his coined nickname. I cringed, that was a part of my life that I had tried to leave behind and now he was dragging it all up from the depths of my heart.
I kept on running, it wasn't the time to turn around. He would need to say something more profound than that to hold my attention. Something like he would write in a song, sweet, romantic, emotion packed and priceless.
"Aspyn, please hear me out. I know you hate me and you have every right to, but please listen to me, if only for a second. You owe me at least that." He pleaded with me, but his last sentence caught my attention, it was almost arrogant the way he said that and it pissed me off.
"No Taylor, I owe you nothing. If anything you owe me, you owe me so much that I doubt at this point you could make it up to me. Do you even realize exactly what you did to me?!" I shouted at him, my blood was coursing through my veins at record speed.
"Dar..."
"No, you, you're gonna listen to every god damn word I have to say, because you know what you owe me that. Taylor you were my first love and god did I love you. I wanted nothing more than to spend my whole life at your side. If you had told me to jump my first response would've been 'how high'. And besides giving you my heart, my love, my soul and my trust I gave you something that I held in high esteem. I gave you the one thing that I can never give to anyone else. At the time it seemed like a perfectly rational decision, we were going to be together forever anyway so why worry about it. You always assured me that we would be together forever but then. Now I wish I could take that back and save it for someone who really cared. Taylor, I love you so much that it hurts and you just went and trampled all over my heart without a second thought. You left me behind with a parting gift and a broken heart to go along with it. Why, Taylor, Why? Why did you do it? Why did you come back? Why should I let you back into my life, into our child's life, when all you'll do is hurt us more?" I broke down and cried, my heart was finally starting to feel better and he came along and did this. I could depend on him for one thing besides child-support and that was heartbreak. If I ever wanted to feel worthless and dejected I could always come to Taylor for that.
Before I knew what was happening I was in his arms. He was cradling me like he used to whenever anything went wrong in my life. His arms had at one time been my shield from the world, in them I found comfort, safety and most of all love. Now they made me want to cry harder, and maybe that was because I felt those things: comfort, safety, and love in them and I didn't want to. I didn't want to find those things in his arms because before I knew it I would let my guard down, because at this point I could never have those things from him again as much as my heart wanted them.
"Shh. Please don't cry, I didn't mean for that to happen. Darlin' I'm sorry I did those things to you, there so much you don't know. I love you, still, and I always will. I need you in my life, I need my child in my life. Please I beg of you take me back, open your heart to me. I love you�" he murmured into my hair as he cradled me. I let the tears flow freely as I pulled out of his arms, I had to go home, to think, to sort things out, and to be away from him.
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Chapter 7:
"Well that was extremely successful."
"Didn't go to well huh?
"Zac my friend, if you love Skye, never let her go. Because if you do you may never get a hold of her again, and for the love of God, do not listen to the publicist!" I sighed as I threw myself down on my bed.
"You wanna talk?"
"Thanks." I sat up and Zac sat down across the bed from me. "You know what the plan was right?"
"Yep, you run into her while she was running."
"Yeah, well it worked. I mean I ran into her and knocked her down. I helped her up and she gave me an attitude, then she left and I called after her. I was like, at least let me talk to you, you owe me at least that. Then she blew up and was like, no I owe you nothing, you owe me. Then she began to go on about her feelings and stuff. I could tell you exactly what she said but it would bore you. You get the point right?"
"Mhmm."
"Then she was crying and I held her and apologized and suddenly she got up and left me there alone in the middle of the park. I don't understand women, I swear!"
"They don't understand us either. Tay just give her time you hurt her bad and it may take a while but I'll bet you any amount of money that you two get back together." Zac reassured me.
"I guess you're right. I just wish she knew how much this hurt me. She's not the only one hurting. I guess that all I can do know is wait."
"Look this is so depressing, let's go out and do something that we haven't done in a while. How about Lazerquest?"
"Ya know Zac, that sounds pretty good to me. Let's see if Jessie and Avie want to come too."
"Sure."
"Oh and Zac?"
"Yeah, Tay."
"Thanks for the talk, I needed it."
"Any time, Tay. And just to let you know, you owe me one."
"Fine by me. Come on lets go!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hello"
"Hey, this is Lily can I talk to Taylor?"
"Speaking."
"Hey Taylor, I spoke to Aspyn about yesterday."
"The disaster?"
"Well judging from what she said it did more good than you realize."
"What? What'd she say? Come on spill!" I was excited to hear the good news.
"Well she just said that she loved you. That was nothing new, she's still too damn stubborn to let you into her heart again but she has given in a bit."
"Give in to what?"
"Well she was talking about needing a babysitter for Hannah�" I cut her off.
"Hannah, that's what she named her?"
"Yeah, Hannah Noelle." My lips spread into a smile, Aspyn had remembered that I wanted to name my daughter Noelle. Not only that but she had given our daughter the name that I loved although she said that she hated me. "Anyway, I reminded her that you deserved to at least be able to see your daughter. As much as she didn't want you to be in their lives, you have every right to see Hannah. So I suggested that she call you and ask you to baby-sit for Hannah for the hour or so that she spent running. That way you got to be a part of Hannah's life, she didn't have to be around you and also she got a free babysitter. And she said that she'd call you later on and bring it up. So I just called to tell you so you were prepared."
"Thanks Lily. Look, I've got to be going but I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, I need to go anyway. Bye."
"Bye." I hung up my end of the line and decided to go and play with Zo�, ya know brush up on my child skills and all.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Taybear, it's your turn to go." Avie reminded me.
"Okay Avie, hang on a second I need to finish tying Zo�'s shoe so she can go and play outside with Amanda."
"Alright but hurry up, my turn is after yours and I want to go."
I finished tying Zoe's shoe and gave her a loving nudge toward the back door. My mother had caught the cold that Zo� had and was in bed and my dad was over at Ike's house helping him build a shed. I think Zac is upstairs on the phone with Skye and so that left me to play with all of my little sibs, not that I minded. Zo� and her friend Amanda were out back playing in he sandbox, while I played Candy Land with Jess (much to her chagrin, she's not 8 anymore ya know), Avery, and Mackie. We were almost done with the game when Zac came pounding down the stairs.
"Tay!" Zac shouted as he made his way toward the kitchen where we were situated.
"What do you want?"
"There's a phone call for you!"
"From who?" I asked as he walked into the room.
"Aspyn." He stated slyly.
"Oh, well you'll just have to play for me until I'm done with the phone."
"Yea sure, I'll do it. Just go and talk to her before she changes her mind and hangs up."
"I'm going, relax." I said calmly even though my nerves we going haywire.
I made the trek to our bedroom and casually answered the phone, "Hey Darlin'."
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...continue...