Have you played much out of Yorkshire yet?

Tim: We're playing in Newcastle with 17 Stitches.

Sam: Is that out of Yorkshire?

Dugong are a four-piece from Wakefield who are really quite good, don't you know? This interview was conducted without their rather drunk singer Matt after an "entertaining" set at the Grapes in Sheffield in February. Apologies to the band if I've attributed something to the wrong person (which has almost certainly happened), but my tape recorder is a bit crap.

OK, for the purposes of the tape introduce yourselves, tell me what you play and what your ideal job would be.

Sam: My names Sam, I play guitar and my ideal job would be not to be employed.

Jarv: My name's Jarv, I play bass and my ideal job would be being Sam's boss.

Tim: My name's Tim, I play drums, I'm training to be a teacher but my ideal job would be playing drums for a living. Matt's not here, he sings, and his ideal job would probably be singing, probably not as badly as he did tonight.

Sam: Drinking, I'd say.

What did you think of tonight? Do you think it went well?

Tim: I thought it was the worst gig we've done…

Jarv: Nah, it wasn't the worst…

Tim: It was atrocious!

Jarv: It wasn't the best, but…

It was funny!

Jarv: I enjoyed it.

Sam: I had a laugh at the end of the day and I'm fine with that. It'd be nice if it sounded good. I don't know what it sounded like cos I couldn't hear jack shit from where I was stood but I had a good laugh.

Tim: I'm being harsh on us cos I know what we're capable of but everyone else seemed to enjoy it so you can't complain, can you?

Jarv: We did alright. We've done a lot worse.

Sam: Tim, how many people have you spoken to? No one out there enjoyed it.

I thought you were good, I wouldn't say it was bad…

Jarv: That's it, Paul!

Can I ask you a really obvious and shit question? What does 'Dugong' mean?

Sam: Ahh! That's a stupid and obvious question and it's not pronounced as such like. It's 'doo-gong'.

Tim: It's a warm water… is it a mammal?

Jarv: It's a manatee… a sea cow.

Tim: It lives in warm pacific waters.

Surely there's no such thing as a sea cow!

Sam: It's the only true herbivore sea mammal.

Is it really?

Sam: That's true. Straight edge fish!

Tim: Yeah, cos it doesn't drink or smoke either, generally.

I thought it was a sound effect, like du-GONG!

Tim: It's 'gnogud' backwards!

Yeah, I noticed that!

Sam: We only noticed that after a year of being in the band.

Have any of you played in any bands before, like embarrassing cheesy metal bands or anything?

Tim: There's nothing embarrassing and cheesy about metal! I'd like that remark stricken from the record!

Sam: Tim wasn't our original drummer. We had another drummer before him who played one gig then quit two days before our second gig. Me and Jarv's old band, Retarded Fish, used to play with Tim's old band HG, Home Groan but not as in 'Home Grown' the Swedish band, as in urrrgh, groan.

Tim: Homegrown aren't Swedish.

Sam: Are they not Swedish? Where are they from? I thought they were Swedish…

Jarv: Anyway, we have been in bands before, they were Retarded Fish and Home Groan.

Tim: To cut a long, potentially very rambly story short.

Are you happy with how the 7" came out?

All: Yeah!

Sam: Like we said, we've been in bands before. Neither of our collective bands ever had a 7" out. We've been in bands for a while and never really done anything.

Tim: Yeah, we're really pleased, cos Steve (Bombed Out records) is a sound guy. He's really done us proud. It's a nice little label is Bombed Out.

Sam: Plus he went all the way down to London, took a day off work and that, just to get us it for this gig.

Are you gonna do more stuff for Bombed Out?

Jarv: Maybe an album later on this year is the plan.

Tim: Unless he's changed his mind after tonight!

Is the single 'shifting units' then?

Sam: I don't know.

Jarv: I think we've got through about half of them, which is good going I reckon.

Sam: Have we?

Tim: So we've sold 15?

Sam: Basically, the thing is, Steve gave us 50 records to sell to cover our recording costs and he's got the rest to cover his costs. We've sold our 50 plus maybe 50 more, and I don't know how many he's sold.

What do you think about getting voted 'best single'? Did you hear about that?

Sam: Ha! Four votes! It was four votes! Steve keeps touting us as being as good as the Get Up Kids and top single of 1999

Tim: In that fanzine it was.

Sam: …but it were four votes, and it was probably Steve who voted four times!

Tim: It's nice, but it doesn't mean anything at all, does it really?

Sam: But it's still nice.

Tim: It's nice to be appreciated, but it doesn't mean owt really.

You get compared to the Get Up Kids a lot, do you think that's a fair comparison?

Sam: The only reason I've ever listened to the Get Up Kids is cos we keep getting compared to them so I thought "I've gotta get a Get Up Kids CD to see what it's like". I thought before that we sounded like Gameface or Samiam or something.

Tim: We've got a lot of harmonies and a lot of tempo changes like they have. I don't think we sound much like them but I do think they're an awesome band.

Jarv: We started sounding like we do before we heard them, not to sound like a twat, but we really did. It's not like we were thinking that we wanted to sound like the Get Up Kids.

Sam: We got into them through being compared to them.

Jarv: It's nice cos they're good.

Tim: I think they ripped us off, actually! Nobody thinks of that, do they?!

Sam: Get Up Kids: The next Dugong!

Tim: That's what they're all saying in Wakefield!

Have you played much out of Yorkshire yet?

Jarv: No.

Sam: We haven't played out of Yorkshire ever.

Tim: We're playing in Newcastle though, with 17 Stitches.

Sam: Is that out of Yorkshire?

Jarv: Is that out of Yorkshire? Are you kidding?

Sam: Of course it fucking is, innit? You can edit that, if you like!

All (except Sam): Leave it in!

Jarv: No, we've not played outside of Yorkshire. We nearly played in Peterborough but that fell through, and we've got one in Newcastle with 17 Stitches and possibly Homebrew but we don't know.

Sam: Homebrew are wicked.

Would you like to play in London or do a big support tour?

Tim: Yes.

Sam: Tim's played at the Marquee with his old band, with a metal band.

Tim: We were shite that night as well!

Jarv: I've heard a lot of bad things about London, though. I've heard it's very fucking segregated.

Would you like to support a big band like, for example, the Get Up Kids?

All: Yeah.

Jarv: As long as we play a bit better than we did tonight!

Tim: Any chance to get across to a bigger audience.

You weren't that bad tonight! It was fun!

Tim: You see, we judge ourselves by our own standards.

Sam: I judge us by the amount I sweated. I know it's a silly thing but I have a sweatometer, and if I've sweated lots I've had a good gig, and if I don't sweat much I've had a boring gig.

Tim: I don't compare us to other bands cos I think it's fruitless. It either makes us come across as really arrogant or falsely modest. I compare us to our own standards and I'm pissed off cos I know we can play so much better than we did tonight. Even if people still enjoyed it we could've been a lot better.

Jarv: I don't think I did too badly to be honest. Didn't do that many mistakes.

Do you think anyone was bothered, though?

Jarv: No.

Tim: No, at the end of the day they've enjoyed it, but I think you need to feel like you can always do better or you stop trying.

Jarv: It could've been a lot worse.

Tim: The day I come off stage and think "I'm never gonna do a better gig than that" is the day I stop trying. Basically I'm never happy, and it's not cos I'm a miserable pessimist…

Sam: Yeah it is!

Tim: …it's cos I want next time to be better.

Sam: It's cos you've got a beard!

Tim: No matter how well we've played I'm never happy, but at the same time I am, cos I love playing.

Have you ever played with any bands who've treated you like shit? I just wanna get some gossip or some controversy…

Sam: I don't wanna give any gossip.

Jarv: I don't think we have.

Tim: You don't in this scene. In my last band we did cos it wasn't this sort of nice scene, but playing in the sort of bands we do in this sort of scene everybody's too sound, really. You don't get many knobheads.

Sam: You get a couple of rumours and stuff, but I've never experienced any personal nastiness.

Tim: Apart from from the rest of his own band!

Sam: True! But you get people saying "this band's shit" and "this band are wankers" but I'm not gonna say who they are cos I've never experienced shit so I can't badmouth 'em really. No gossip for you!

I'll get some later… what bands have you seen or played with recently that you've been impressed with?

Jarv: I was impressed with Orca, actually. I thought Orca were amazing. I'm always impressed with Inside Right even though I'm not watching them now.

Sam: There's normally at least one band per gig that we play with that we've never seen before.

Tim: Orca were awesome, weren't they?

Sam: Another cool thing about being in a band is you play with all these bands who sometimes you've never heard of…

Tim: And you don't have to pay!

Sam: … and you think WOW! And you don't have to pay, yeah!

Tim: We're big Snail Racing fans, aren't we?

Jarv: We are big Snail Racing fans.

Tim: We stumbled across them, didn't we? We were bored and thought "let's go and see a gig", and we had no idea what they were like…

Jarv: We went to see Unwound and they were supporting them.

What are Snail Racing like?

Jarv: Three bassists, like Ned's and a bit!

What do you think of the Wakefield scene, then?

Sam: Wakefield's fucking ace!

Jarv: There's some alright bands.

Tim: Would you say it had a scene? It's only got one venue, hasn't it?

Sam: Yeah, there's a couple starting up.

There are a few bands and stuff…

Tim: Yeah, it's gonna get better before it gets worse.

Sam: The only thing is with Wakefield… when you're playing Leeds it's a university town, but Wakefield is a college town so the people there are a lot younger.

Tim: They're a lot more into the rap/metal kinda thing.

Sam: Yeah, and whatever the latest youth scene is, so you kinda get people starting up these shoddy, shitty bands that everyone does when they're young and that's how everyone starts out…

Name one: Wrinkle. Name one: Wrinkle. Name one: Wrinkle…

Sam: I'm not gonna say Wrinkle! I love Wrinkle! I'm not gonna name any names. HG and Retarded Fish were shoddy, shitty bands when they first started.

Jarv: HG were alright.

Tim: That was a couple of years after we started.

Sam: We all started out shit but the ones who actually want to stick with it, stick with it and that's where the bands that take it seriously come from.

Jarv: There's Pylon and Torino 74 who are ex-Chopper and I like them both.

Tim: I think Wakefield's a nice, safe place for bands to start. I think Leeds is a big, scary scene and I think it's really nice to be able to do a free gig at Player's. It sounds patronising talking about the "younger" bands, cos we're not exactly veterans ourselves. It's nice for people just starting their first bands to have somewhere where they can play and their mates will come and no matter how bad they are people will tell them they're great, and I think that's really healthy.

Jarv: You come across some really enthusiastic people as well which is good.

Tim: They're only gonna get better, aren't they?

Sam: Leeds is where you play when you're good and Wakefield's where you play when you're shit and when you're growing up.

So you see Wakefield as the little brother to Leeds?

All: Yeah!

Sam: The little brother that Leeds beats up frequently, and says "I'm gonna tell mum you did that" type of thing…

Jarv: This is Sam, our guitarist. This was his last gig with us…

Sam: I'm sorry. I never had a little brother. I'm fantasising.

Right, you have to answer this question. I know you won't, but I want you to.

Sam: I will! Whatever the fuck it is.

Will you? Do you swear to answer it?

Sam: I swear… I may answer it with a "no" or a "yes" or whatever.

It's a "which do you prefer?" question.

Sam: Oh, go on.

Who do you prefer: Torino 74 or Pylon?

Sam: Ahhhhhhhh! Nooooo! You can't say that!

Tim: You promised, and I'm not saying shit, me!

Sam: My answer is, which I promised to answer, I like them both equally. I answered it.

Jarv: Which do you prefer?

I'm not gonna comment! I'm not being interviewed, am I?

Jarv: That's fair enough.

Sam: They're different bands really. I'm surprised how different they are. Torino are like Chopper with a more emo feel, and Pylon are just an emo band, really. They're different bands but they're both good.

Tim: And they're both mates.

Jarv: That's an evil question.

I knew I wouldn't get an answer for that one!

Tim: It's like I said before, I think it's fruitless to compare bands to each other anyway. I think they are both great bands in their own right.

Sam: And both bands would beat us up, so… we could have Torino 74 in a fight so we'll say Pylon.

You said Pylon! You answered!

Sam: Noooooooo! That is taken out of context!

I just wanted to cause some controversy…

Tim: It's not gonna happen! Keep trying!

Alright, cheesy question: What's everyone's favourite film?

Tim: It's a cliché to say Star Wars, but…

Sam: Terminator 2.

Terminator 2? Don't you think it's just a load of special effects and no storyline?

Sam: No, there's a load of memorable quotes.

Tim: It's quite deep, actually. Our lass has just done a film exam, she's doing film at uni, and she did a film exam on Terminator 2. I thought, "How can you do that? It's just Arnie blowing shit up", but they had to watch it a load of times cos she had to learn it and it's really deep! She got a mark back for that exam today but I've not rung her yet. If you were interviewing me tomorrow…

Jarv: I think you're being boring, Tim.

Tim: Sorry…

Jarv: No, go on, sorry.

Tim: No, you're right, it were boring.

Sam [mocking]: My girlfriend, my girlfriend…

Tim: At least my girlfriend likes me!

Sam: At least I haven't got a beard!

Tim: Mind you, your girlfriend likes me as well.

Sam: Oh! How about the time your girlfriend turned up in my bedroom? This is true!

Tim: She claims she was sleepwalking. All I can say is…

Jarv: She came to my room first!

Tim: All I can say is that she lived in uni at halls of residence in a corridor full of girls for a year…

Sam: So she had to find a man when she came back to Wakefield!

Tim: …and she never sleepwalked once. She comes to stay at my house and I live with four lads and she manages to get herself into Jarv and Sam's rooms! It's a good job I'm not suspicious.

Sam: She would've got into Jarv's room except Jarv's door had come off its hinges and she couldn't open it.

Jarv: No, she could open it but it scared the hell out of her, the fact that she'd kind of knocked it over, so she went off into your room.

Tim: She got into bed with him and everything! She got into bed with him and shit!

Sam: She got into bed with me and I shit myself and ran upstairs!

Tim: "Tim, come and retrieve your girlfriend from my bed!" What?!

Sam: There's your controversy!

Thank you!

Tim: What was the question?

It was about films, but you started talking about girlfriends going into peoples' rooms and stuff!

Tim: It is a cliché, but I'm gonna say Star Wars.

Sam: Terminator 2 or Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

Pee Wee's Big Adventure! That'll do!

Sam: Have you seen on the Get Up Kids album one of the songs is called "Dottie, I'm a Loner, a Rebel"? That's a quote from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

That's where it's from! That's been bugging me for ages.

Sam: The guy from prison says it to Pee Wee and he said it to Dot earlier.

Jarv: My favourite film is Ghost Dad with Bill Cosby.

No it isn't.

Jarv: It certainly is. I've never been so scared in my life!

I only asked that question cos I saw the thing on the website about cheesy 80s movies.

Jarv: I think Ghost Dad's one of them.

Tim: They're not actually films you'd say as your favourite films. They're films you watch at three o'clock in the morning with your mates.

Jarv: I'll say it again though, nothing fucks with Ghost Dad.

Tim: Apart from Ghost Wife!

What are your lyrics about? What do you usually write songs about?

Sam: I would say ask Matt, but don't ask Matt tonight!

Jarv: I think he just writes little stories, doesn't he? Little situations.

Sam: He just writes what he wants to write.

Tim: He's quite precious about them. He doesn't seem to tell people what they're about.

Jarv: He's just kind of "oh, nothing really".

Sam: I don't think they actually are based on anything really…

Tim: No, that makes him sound really vacant and vacuous!

Jarv: But we are!

Tim: I think he writes about summat.

If you could play on a four band bill with three other bands who would they be?

Tim: Slayer, Slayer, Slayer!

Jarv: Are we restricting it or is it worldwide and even if they've split up?

Even if they've split up or they're all dead or whatever.

Tim: Beethoven…

Sam: Oh, fuck off!

Tim: Was he a band?

Sam: We couldn't borrow his amp though, could we, which is an important question for us!

Jarv: I'll say Maiden.

Tim: I'm gonna have to go with Slayer.

Sam: I'm gonna have to go G'N'R just cos I'm me. It's an unpopular decision but a decision nonetheless.

Tim: Mogwai.

Jarv: Mogwai, yeah.

Maiden, Slayer, G'N'R, Mogwai and Dugong?

Sam: DOO-gong!

I'm sorry…

Jarv: It's alright, you say it how you want. It's open to interpretation.

Tim: Like our lyrics! I hope you get something good that doesn't make us sound like twats out of this!

I'm sure everything I've got is fine!

Jarv: I'd like to say a thank you to Kev Skimmer for saying we were alright in your fanzine.

Tim: I'd like to say thank you to you for interviewing us. Did he really say that?

Jarv: Yeah. He asked what bands have you seen recently that were alright and he said the Mighty Dungeon!

Tim: Fuckin' hell! I'm touched!

Sam: He also said Pantera…

Jarv: No he didn't.

Have you got anything else to add then?

Jarv: Just thank you to people that take an interest, particularly you, Paul.

Tim: Thanks to people who listen to us. If anyone wants to let us play out of Yorkshire…

Sam: I'd like to say Sid Sucks The Gasoline is a brilliant name for a band!

And there it did end. Dugong's award-winning 7" 'I'm Not Leaving' is still available on Bombed Out Records, and you can write to them care of their label at P.O. Box 17, Leeds, LS8 1UP, or check out their cool-as-hell website at http://members.tripod.com/gnogud

(from Scary Sheep #3)