The interim gig....oh my god, don`t even mention the Interim Gig

"Oh my god HBO, I remember that one, nasty it was, luckily that was when Mr Granger was caught otherwise it could have been a lot lot worse...."alan, keeper of the seven keys, master of all the serways, and one time Dimac champion. Now owner of the Interim nightclub...

Okay before we get to the actual gig there are some things that need to be explained. Mr Granger was half deranged at this point, and Satan was working on resurection. The dead were flowing thick and fast into the town. Yet there was a problem, dead people dont buy tickets. So there was a competition held and a number of the dead people won.....That is how they got into the gig.

Mrs Waltham had been dead for some time now. It annoyed her therefore when her rest was interupted by Satan. She knew the guy and was on most days quite reasonable. Today however he was most anxious and quite snappy, so mrs Waltham was in a foul temper when she got into the town center. Commands entered her head and she made her way to the green at the West of the town. There she was given a ticket to some show and there was where Mr`s Waltham leaves the story.....for now...

Now a little bit of background that`ll help with the telling of this terrible tale, but beware as it isn`t pleasant at all.

However if you don`t want to read the next part, because you know it or whatever click here to go to the full explanation.

Okay then people, this is the basic story behind the madness and the reason that what happened happened.
Back at the beginning of time, Satan had been cast down to hell, for winning God too many times at Snooker. So Satan resided in hell and watched as God prepared a battleground for the two to fight over. He had established the ideas of Fusion and set them to motion in lots of different playgrounds throughout the universe. From them he then drew material, on which he could play his games. There was a standard fusion reactor in a comfortable, actively neutral part of the universe where he concentrated his efforts. From this large ball of burning gas he extracted the material and stacked them in lines, working on the outer most. He had to keep them far enough appart that they didn`t tear each other to peices, but also have little enough of them that when the time came that he had finished preliminary work on the outer one if it were to fail he would have another one that he could work on directly.

It took him nine goes before he got it right. He had nearly acheived in on his eighth go, but unfortunately, all the nutrients and water had evaporated and he was left with a rusty lump. However he had learned from that, got everything sorted out and made sure it was all good on the ninth planet. He left the two spare ones circling, not wanting to push them back into the sun. The first had no atmosphere, the second too much, (God liked to sort through the gasses and chose pleasant ones.) He took this third rock and adorned it with air and water.

Satan was miffed he`d spent eons watching god building all these balls, and each one had been a failure, he had had so much reason to laugh until now. Satan however was good at snooker and as these balls orbited he set in motion a plan to destroy what God had worked for.
Rock hit rock and shattered, sending huge lumps of hell in all directions, Satan cannoned one into another and sent a rock in the direction of Gods third planet. God cottoned onto the plan quite late from tending his battlefield. He turned from the planet and set to making sure that the rock never hit. He did deflect it correctly, but in doing so knocked planet 5 into planet 6, creating an ever circling forest of rock.

Now Satan was miffed, but God was a tad upset when turning back to the planet he saw green growing from the water. He created creatures to eat the grasses and trees, but they were too dumb and were inefficient (Beaumaresaurs and Tariqdactiles evolved from these creatures). So they were promptly wiped out leaving a range of Beaumares Beans.
God saw the green expanding again and created another creature to destroy the planets growing wildlife. These things were much better at destroying their homestead, and they were completely self destructive, finding amazing ways of killing each other.
And Satan saw these people, and he saw that they were nithe, his kind of peeps.
Satan wanted these people to love him, and worship him, God wasn`t having any of that, and although the creatures were inherantly ineffectual and uncaring, he derived from the Beaumares Bean the one strand of goodness that could save the planet from becoming another failure due to Satan. So goodness, and Tea (The Tariqdactile`s genes) were created and the people realised that it wasn`t actually very nice killing people you`d never met especialy when they haven`t actually done anything to you, and when there`s tea as an alternative.
Factioning may not be a good thing, but there was an aim to this and God decreed that not until the badness of men was truly extinguished that the final battle would be able to be played out. So men made their Teas and even people who hated tea were pacified by the creation of tea as it was just something nice that you could do for someone else without sacrificing anything.

Satan was miffed before, he was absolutely furious now, God was getting the upper hand, so he reached his hand in and gave us gameshows to null us, and saturday evening prime time television, with his most powerful weapon conceiled amongst the timetableing for ITV........this Weapon....Blind Date.
All the nasty people in the world suddenly applied for this programme knowing that Cilla Black was the anti-christ (they had had suspicions during the showing of Surprise surprise, but Blind Date confirmed those suspicions.) and being able to contact that creature was the equivalent of talking to God, for all the nasty people. Satan also saw it as a way of increasing his nasty hordes, but he failed, as everyone on Blind date knows that the rest of the people are horrible and themselves being arrogant don`t want to mess with nasty people.
It backfired terribly, so Satan was left with no choice and at the end of the 80`s he slayed all his nasty people, putting them into a deep sleep and setting up a key system, called The Spheres cascading it through time, so that at each age in history someone would unlock another part of the key, leaving the future to decide if the last Sphere would be unlocked. Once unlocked, the badness in all his people would be vanquished and the final battle could begin.
The Spheres themselves were a series of sounds and movements that when performed in the correct order, unlock another small part of the holding which contained the badness, the naughty people.
There were seven Spheres, and various people had opened them, Rossini`s Cat Duet was so dire that the actions and screeching from the poor women was enough to raise those nasty people one step nearer to Earthly domination.
The Holocaust was another Sphere which not only scarred the Earth and commited possibly the worst attrocity ever but it dragged those nasties nearer.
There were other factors, Charles Manson, Rupert murdoch, Michael Barrimore,etc....till there was only this last Sphere left.

But enough of the Theology Lesson

The crowds gathered and waited outside the Gogo bar for admission. Meanwhile the Band were having problems. They still didn`t have a drummer, or a bassist for that matter. Notforustwo was a tad upset about what Mr. Granger had done, Tankass and Lardass were essentially at each others throats, and they had a gig to play in about an hour.
By the time they got to the Interim the crowd outside was substantial, Tankass smiled, Lardass got depressed and Notforustwo just fumed a little more. They entered the building and pushed into a small cubicle to get ready.
It was an argumentative time for the band but at this point the warm up act were coming through the crowd outside. It wasn`t a pleasant scene, everyone in the band was killed with the exception of the drummer and the bassist (this was another one of Mr. Grangers attempts to destroy the band, but it failed and was just another on the list of charges that were brought against him in court) which was lucky since that is exactly what Tankass and lardass lacked. So the managers of The Interim forced the band together in a little back room to get ready for that evening. The drummer and Bassist were still in shock and could only do the most primeval of rhythms, which in a way is a good thing as Tankass and Lardass were both primeval themselves, and could only play their instruments like monkeys anyway.

The crowd were growing restless when Mr. Granger and Satan opened up the doors for the heaving masses letting them through into the main room for drinks and deca(y)dancing.

Now we return to Mrs. Waltham, she was once a tea room owner on the coast. She had died in that freak electrocution incident in 1989 whilst sitting on the toilet. This wasn`t a normal thing, she knew, and it was even more depressing when she got buried with the rest of the nasties on the outskirts of the town (the grave was done out of bizarre mass respect for the victims of this tragedy.) she had never thought herself a nasty. She`d killed people, poisoning guests and hating tea with her masonic half invisible friend-husband. She had also swindled a fortune from small businesses and even had a hand in sending weapons to various places where you perhaps shouldn`t send weapons (They have a tendancy to send them back to you with their intended purpose in mind). However she loved cats and had even bought a poppy on remebrance day (okay so she`d used the pin in a teacake to dispose of the priest in room 9 but she still bought it) so she never had considered herself an evil person.

She mingled with the other deadies, dancing occasionally to a tune that she knew and making condensation with the rest of them. They awaited the band with all the excitement of someone who has been dead for a while.
Mr. Granger cornered Satan as the crowd gathered and demanded to know that all planned was going well. Satan had resurected the nasties as they were near, and available. Plus they were nasties so they were never going to like what they hear, so they would make the gig a complete failure. He had also commanded the seas to rise, and even now there were visitors from other planets coming to Earth. Mr.Granger wasn`t pleased, he is reported to have stormed off backstage to where the band were practising. This was where he made his final mistake and the one that would allow Satan to get his own back. He had gotten the idea in his head that he would allow one of the dead people up on stage with the band, hoping that it would kill the band when it heard the noise they were making.

Notforustwo was formulating his own plan of gig ruination, he wanted out of the band, and he wanted to kill Mr. Granger. So he watched them practise, never once singing a note, or doing anything, silent unmoving. He had plans.

Lardass and Tankass were probably the only people who wanted the gig to go well, the crowd were destined to ruin it, their manager was going to try to get the band killed, their rhythm section were null and void, and their singer wanted to kill the manager and destroy the band. But even Tankass and Lardass were agnostic towards each other, it wasn`t looking good.

Then it happened, there was a brief soundcheck and a stage hand dragged them from the room out before the heaving masses. It all happened at once: