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8/06/1999
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard.
"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly",' the Chinese man said, "but on one condition." "If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man'".
"OK,", said the man, and entered the house.
Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.
Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1….Large rock on chest.".
Well, that's pretty crappy,' he thought. 'If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.
As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3….Right testicle tied to bed post."
Ouch. --RR
Two boys are playing touch football in City Park in northern Florida when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off aboard of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists it---breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter from the Gainsville Banner-Herald, who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Gator Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Gator fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in North Florida I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Florida State Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Florida State fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in the area was either for the Gators or a Florida State fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a GEORGIA fan." the child said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet." >>
Received via e-mail. --rr
