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Dreams...Memories of painting of "Sophia"
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Dreaming...
I was dreaming...Perhaps it may have been but a long forgotten memory...A dream...A memory...
Things remembered when one is asleep...Things forgotten when one is awake...Where the deepest layers of memories become the outmost layers of one's dreams...
Which are reality? Which are illusions? One cannot tell until one awakes...Or perhaps they are, at the same time, both Truth and fiction...
A vast nebulous...With no boundaries...An emptiness equivalent to my own existence...I dreamt such a dream...A long...Never-ending, Dream...
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La...can...
Sophia: Lacan, what is wrong? Lacan?
In that dream, I was called 'Lacan'...
I was an artist...
I had become recognized as a talented artist and now was painting a portrait of the Nisan Mother, 'Sophia'...
Lacan: Huh...no, it is nothing.
Sophia: ...Let us finish for today. You look rather tired. ...Are you alright?
Lacan: I am fine, thank you...But, now that you mention it...Shall we stop for the day? You must be the one who is tired,
Mother Sophia'?
Sophia: Enough of that, now. When it is just the two of us, would you stop calling me that. Just call me 'Elly'...As you used to in
the old days...And you don't have to be so stiff and formal.
Lacan: Oh, errh, alright. Very wel...No, I mean...Yes, let's do that 'Elly'!
'Elly'...
It was a time when she went by such a name. A time when we had met up with one another...A time when nothing mattered between us...
It was better that way...Just two people, together...It was better to have left it that way...
Lacan: I think I might go back home...only for a week or so.
Elly: Oh, really? What is the matter?
Lacan: I ran out of paint. So...I, errh, need to go make some more.
Elly: You're going all that way...just to do that?
Lacan: If I don't go there, I won't be able to get the right pigments.
Elly: Oh...Then how about I have one of my followers, the -Kahal-, take you in one of our Gears? You'll arrive quicker and you'll be much more safe.
I lied...I wasn't out of paint. I just feared I would finish the portrait. I wanted to keep on painting...forever.
So I wanted to buy time...She'd probably despise me for that...
No, she'd probably just give me her usual smile. She was that kind of woman...
Dreams...
A life of a man named Lacan...And the lives of countless other men...
All but dreams...
Now that I am awake, those countless numbers of long, heartrending dreams are almost impossible to remember at all...
In those dreams, I loved one woman...No matter the day, no matter the era...That did not change...
Nor did her name...
That dream changed me...That dream was the catalyst for me to resolve what my purpose was.
I think I know now...What i have to do...
That long, long memory of a dream...Perhaps it was the memory of my soul...
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A dream...
I was dreaming a dream...Or perhaps it was a memory from a distant past...A dream...A memory...
Those words I was unable to convey...That day...That time...
Those thoughts I was unable to carry out...
Words and thoughts...The connection between the two...
Without words, thoughts cannot be conveyed...
Without thoughts, there are no words...They are both as vital as each other...
They can never be divided...Like the wings of angels...Like a man and a woman...
An unchangeable destiny...Feelings one wishes one could change...
Meeting with the person who would change me...And watching myself change...
I dreamt such a dream...
A long...Never-ending, Dream...
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La...can...
Sophia: Lacan, what is wrong? Lacan?
In that dream, I was called 'Sophia'...
Mother Sophia...
A symbolic name...Crowned upon the person who would be the people's hope...
A name I was destined to have whether I wanted it or not...
Lacan: I think I might go back home...only for a week or so.
Elly: Oh, really? What is the matter?
Lacan: I ran out of paint. So...I, errh, need to go make some more.
Elly: You're going all that way...just to do that?
Lacan: If I don't go there, I won't be able to get the right pigments.
Elly: Oh...Then how about I have one of my followers, the -Kahal-, take you in one of our Gears? You'll arrive quicker and you'll be much more safe.
'Elhaym'...
I've always liked that name...Because, when I first met him, that is what he called me...
That is my true name...
Lacan: I think I might go back home...only for a week or so.
Elly: Oh, really? What is the matter?
Lacan: I ran out of paint. So...I, errh, need to go make some more.
Elly: You're going all that way...just to do that?
Lacan: If I don't go there, I won't be able to get the right pigments.
Elly: Oh...Then how about I have one of my followers, the -Kahal-, take you in one of our Gears? You'll arrive quicker and you'll be much more safe.
I wonder when it started...
That he started refusing me...The wall between us...Our 'positions'...Our 'circumstances'...He refused to recognize
these...
No...maybe it was me...
Therefore...I didn't want them...
I wanted the two of us to be ourselves...
That is what I wished for...So, I had him paint me...
The way I really am...
Dreams...
A life of a woman named Sophia...And the lives of countless other women...
All but dreams...
Now that I am awake, those countless numbers of long, heartrending dreams are almost impossible to remember at all...
In those dreams, I loved one man...No matter the day, no matter the era...That did not change...
Only his name...
That dream changed me...That dream was the catalyst for me to resolve what my purpose was.
I think I know now...What I have to do...
That long, long memory of a dream...That perhaps was the memory of my soul...
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