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I am in love. I will always be in love with someone. One can imagine that love is an emotion very hard to describe. On that notion, it is. Love is almost indescribable. You can't put it in words, you feel it. It's that feeling you get when you look at someone and you are fixated on them. You see there hair and you want to run your fingers through it. You see there eyes and you want to stay lost in them forever. There are so many thoughts running through your mind when you see that special someone. Granted some thoughts may be sexual but that doesn't mean you love them any less. The hardest thing about love is giving it up. Something I have yet to do. I will never stop loving her.
Now what's all this maturity stuff all about. Sure, i'm 18 years old, but does that mean everything I do be restricted by maturity. Is it wrong for me to want to be selfish. I know that somethings are unattainable but that doesn't ever stop me from wanting them. Yes, sometimes I can be a prick about things. I am wrong. After all to err is human. I like being human too, sure it sucks that I make mistakes but the best part of being a human is that you learn from them. Love is one of those things that takes a long process of trial and error. I highly doubt any people who are in love have never had problems before. Everyone has them and you just have to try and work them out the best you can. But what if you are in a position that makes it hard or even impossible for you to work things out. I'll admit it right now, long distance relationships are not easy. There are down right impossible sometimes. I know of some people who have succeeded in them and I was hoping that I could possibly be one. What makes them so hard. Well first off, you don't see them like regular couples do. I envy my roommates in that one sees his girlfriend almost everyday, and the other one can spend time with his girlfriend every once in a while. I haven't even gotten to kiss mine yet, but that doesn't change the way I feel for her. I don't care about such things as kissing or sex or the likes. Yeah, I'm sure sex is great, my two roommates who have it regular tell me so. I always wonder what it would feel like but thats something I know can wait. I don't believe in sex until marriage but then I don't care if people are doing it now. It took me a long time to accept that fact. People who have sex before marriage should never be consider "bad" or "immoral". It's their life, let them have there fun as long as they aren't hurting anyone else.
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I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but I'm happy about me.
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Yep, thats me. In my favorite shirt. Ready for some more shocking secrets. I am an 18 year old college student who attends Lake Forest College. And guess what? I am a football player. You can check out my non existance stats at www.lfc.edu and see that they still don't have a picture of me yet. But basically, I am 6'3" and I weigh about 330 now. Wow, thats a lotta meat on me. Yeah, I got a belly but I don't care. I love myself and I am happy with the way I am. I don't care that I'm not the best looking guy in the world. If someone wants to judge me by how I look, then let them. But they will most likely be wrong about me. Now looking at me sitting there with my dog, you probably think that since I'm in college that I'm a partier, especially since I am on the football team. Well, I have consumed 0.0 ounces of alcohol since I have been here and I am happy about that. I never understood why people got drunk in the first place anyways. I have seen two of my roommates drunk and one puked for over three hours. This was on a friday night, the night before a game and I stayed awake with him until he could go to sleep. I'll tell you that I didn't feel good in the morning but I want to be there for my friends. Now if you drink and get drunk, that's your business. Just don't ask me to join you. Simple enough I think. Does that make me a bad person since I don't drink. Sometimes I wonder why I just don't say yes and get wasted. Then I rememeber that I have always thought drinking was absolutely revolting. To all those out there who drink and party, do it, but just don't ask me to join you. I hope this doesn't seem like I'm being all moralistic or something. I doubt thats even a real word but I don't really care. I just want to express my opinions on certain matters. Oh yeah, by some weird coincidence, my dog's name is Zima. That was his name before we got him so it stuck. As you can see, he's smiling into the camera.
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Back to what I was saying.
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I Love my girlfriend. She needs love back and I unfortunately can not be there to give her that love. I feel completely helpless by this fact. Is it wrong for someone to desire a love beyond emotions. I understand what she is saying, she wants to be loved physically also. Whenever she is around her friends, she gets jealous of the love they have. Or shall I say, how they express their love. My girlfriend's best friend and her boyfriend often express there love for each other by physical means. It makes her sad to see this because she so longs to be kissed or hugged. I can not do this for her and I doubt I ever will. I don't know if its stupidity or love but I want her to be happy. Even if that means without me. I will never be able to fill that emptiness in her heart because I am simply not there. I too, have felt jealous of my roommates. Like I said, I envy them. They can at least touch their girlfriends and kiss them. I on the other hand have to play it cool and pretend it doesn't bother me. After all, I can't ruin their fun. Love is a painful thing and I think I may have lost the only thing I have ever truely loved because I couldn't be there.
Brian
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