Life of Rob

Introduction
13 sept 1993

Simple collection, random coallescence
Of a single week
In the life of a student artist
That is the legacy of tumultous youth

Read this epic poetic essay
With an open mind
To understand the artist mind
And contemplate a virtuosity
Of minds mixed, collective, non-objective
Understand, and live with
The Life of Rob

Week, Day 1

Next in line for the alarm to sound
Dreaming
When will I awake?
Everytime, this happens

What will it be this morning?
I generally think I must hear something
In order to escape from the realm
of subconsciousness
Or never wake
And travel
To Death.

Travelling.
Alive and awake
A student in the oddessy of art
On my way to the university
To study the visual arts

One way street
Stop
Spin around
Park

Long walk to the class
A class of four hundred bewildered souls
In a room larger than life.

Onward to study history
History of art and people and places and paintings
Love, war, life, death
Art

Windy
Longer nights
Rain falls
Drop drop drop drop

When later comes
along with the news of life anew
Into the class to study to planets
And the stars and the moon and the sun
And everything starts to come together
With mind body soul and sense culminating
Into comprehension

That's what the school teaches
That's what I will learn

As Helios sets earlier and earlier
I travel to a flying tomato
For a meal and chess and laughter and love
With friends of all types
And all inputs
During which I think and write

Onward to home and subconsciousness
to return to a realm
Have a good life
Have a fun life
Life of Rob
Day One

Week, Day 2

Loud
Crash
Wake up, my friend's late for exam
I'm late too
Yell, Furious
Mad at me?
Scared for
myself
curling
smaller

In a world of casual design
To create
Not art
Too precise
There is no studio time
No time
To create

Must have
so much
to grow to live to survive to learn
I must eat
Jim has vital sustenence
ate there twice
all morning
into day

So tired
Quiet
Napping
Wake up, time for another
another class
New instructor
Like to be there
To construct life
Out of charcoal and paper
Lines and forms
Drawing drawing drawing...

More time
Time to think
Compose the rhetoric of existence
on the street called Fry
In this paper
There she is
That young flower
She asks me out and I accept
What a rush

Staying at the home
Of Chris
to sleep and wonder
why life is fun
why life is good
Life of Rob
Day Two

Week Day 3

Noise
Loud and obnoxious
Must have, I need it for survival
In a tormented existence
Wake up to punk rock!

On to take the test
For the history of art
What is necessary to survive
In this confused world

Next to the fire
In my brain
Lies a severe torment
For a girl a thousand miles away
Just don't love her any more
I won't fall in love anymore
Because I simply fall right out again

Went to the old homestead
My own humble abode
I can relax sometimes
When I'm there
I have all I need
My paintings my music my guitar
Even so, it still sucks
Guess that's just the way I am
The way I'll be
For all time

Here I am again
At Jim's diner
Laughing and talking and eating
With my friend named Charlie
He's a great guy, I admire him
What is special and great with him
Is honesty and truth
And a fine sense
Of self worth
Thank you, Charlie
You make my life wonderful

Drive
Fast, faster
No limit
Get it there, get it on time
I love the rush
And the gratitude
I get from making the delivery
The arrival of the dinner- for the families
Who order pizza
From my Pizza Hut
Love the place
Love it to death

Home, home, home, home again
Work on my design projects
Who starts life
Who makes life
Life of Rob
Day Three

Week, Day 4

Slowly turning
Twisting and shaping
Over in my bed
So close to the floor
Wake up you fool, you're late again
Can't bring myself up
So late
late
again

Life, what a concept
Here and now
What is time?
But an indefinite extent
During which events and actions and thoughts
Take place
For example
Time is a structured, elemental project
for the astronomer
Who reads the positions
Of the stars and planets and comets and asteroids
Just like me
Who completed my first lab
For my Astronomy class this day
Time

Travelling once more
In my excellent automobile
I just love my little car so much
I can't say it enough
Love it, love it, so much

It seems repetitious
But here I am again
Drawing and sketching and creating
In another element
Of my degree plan
My drawing class

Another trip
To the simi-overwhelming Fry street
What a trip I have
WIth this place
With all of its people and restaurants
And coffee-houses and clubs
I especially love the people
All of them
Maybe even the frat-boys and their normality

Met up with the invigorating flower
Once more
I think she's warm and intelligent
But what's this?
She seems upset
I hope it's not me
Is it?
She's pushing me away
Why?
Now I'm so upset and angry and mad!
I go outside
Take a glass bottle
Cut my hand
Make it bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed

So irrational
I'm stupid
Chandra makes me allright
But again?
Why does she torment me?
I don't even know her, this lovely child
She's making me crazy
So I write a note on a piece of paper
Saying that I hate my life
No reason to live anymore
I want to die

Driving
Very fast
All the way home
I'll stop at my mailbox though
Here's something, a letter from my sister
My sisters
A great reason to live
For I love them both
Oh so much that
That I go on
On and on
With my Life
My fun life
My good life
No matter how crazy and fucked up it can be
Life of Rob
Day Four

Week, Nighttime

I am not going to sleep tonight
I'm going to stay up all night
No sleep
For this crazy, silly, stupid boy that I am

Here I write
In this essay
About what goes on
About what it is like to live my life
So that my family and friends
Can better understand me

I feel all alone
Though there are people all around
Who don't know me
Or how I scare myself
With insanity
I'm crazy allright
I must be
For no single, ordinary sane person
Can be so different
From himself all the time
I'm just a boy
Who doesn't understand life

I need to set myself with some rules
Or guidelines
As to how to go on
Without straying and weaving and swerving
all over the highway of my life

I am going to avoid any serious relationships
For a long time
Because of the simple fact
That I cannot rely on myself
To stay in love
I continue to fluctuate
My feelings
For I am too much a jumble of a person
To survive in this way

Onward and downward
I seem to travel
Along this roller coaster
inappropriately called life
I spend all night in that wonderful atmosphere
called the Kharma cafe
I know of nothing quite as exhilerating
As staying the night awake
As soon as the morning comes

Here I lie
In a pool of selective ambition
With school and work and play
But not necessarily in that order of importance
I'm only kidding about that
But I am quite insane
And have proven that to myself
So many times tonight
I need fun sleep
I'll have good sleep
Life of Rob
Nighttime

Week, Day 5

So insignificant
Are the facts I learn
From appreciating art
At least in this class

Back again once more into
The Kharma
Where I saw my comrade Jeff�
With whom I work
And I helped him study
For I am the calculus master

I experienced the most enjoyable time
In Art History today
I sat adjacent to my new friend Kelli
And learned so much in only a short hour
All about gods and temples and Egypt
The New Kingdom
So very exhilerating
Special, but now it's over

Drifting
Falling
Where are my feet?
I'm lost in blackness
Subtle noises awaken me
Soon, though, I sink back
Shallow sleeping
Napping
Like a cat

Got to get up
Wake up, you silly arm
Go to work, go to work
Out of bed, on the floor
Sleep

Work!
I combine my love of service
With the thrill of the drive
and the fun of my little car
Into a collaberation
That makes this job so enjoyable
I love delivering pizza
I also make good money
What a perk!

What strange and eerie and confusing thoughts
Will I have tonight?
I am confused
My bouts of depression are vivid and powerful
Though short-lived
Can a boy be different, truly different
From all he meets
So that they look, stare, blind
At his visage?
I'm so crazy.
But can a truly insane person make that personal judgement?
I think so
I know so
Life of Rob
Day Five

Week, Day 6

All I'll do today
Is only part of what I am
All I'll do next week
Is only part of who I'll be
All of my thoughts and ideas and images and visions
Are the rest of what makes me.
For I am human,
and no other designation need apply
I do not understand
Black, white, yellow, red
Except that they are colours
On my palatte
I do not understand
Stereotypes, classifications, order, chaos
Except that they are generalizations
To give the narrow-minded a reason to hate
Racists, bigots, hypocrites
They are all ignorant
Because we are all HUMAN
Regardless

Here I am all over again
In the endless cycle of the week
Going to work
Going to be the closing driver
I had thirty five deliveries!
Sixty Five dollars in tips and commission!
The only catch:
I have many dishes!

Dishes, dishes, dishes, dishes, dishes
Plates, pans, lids, buckets, knifes, forks
So many!
How will I ever finish?
I'm going crazy
There's that word again
So late
So late
I've been at work for over twelve hours
Making lots of money though
That's the perk!

I'm on the way home
I don't remember how I got into my car
My life's a blur
Now I'm in my trailer
I don't remember how I got there
I play some loud and obnoxious punk rock
On my stereo
I perform some loud and obnoxious punk rock
On my guitar
Then I fall to sleep
Maybe I won't wake up
Maybe I will wake up
Life of Rob
Day Six

Week, Day 7

Soothing rays of Sol
Fall around my sleep
I wake up smoothly, gently
To find the circulation of blood in my arms
To be next to zero
Casually I glance at the alarm clock
To see that I awake
Only minutes before the chime was to sound
I grab my Camels
To smoke my first cigarette of the day
I take my stereo's remote control
And put it on the Edge
And listen to Bjork sing of Human Behavior
Here I lay
Surrounded by sunrays and warmth
And a breeze and comfort
And smoke and nicotine
And noises that are music
To my senses
So dreamy
I think back to my dreams
To find that I was to meet my sister Elaina
At a picturesque train station
My sister Sarah and I are holding hands
Staring at the clouds
That are racing across the sky at hundreds of kilometers an hour
Yet we feel no breeze
In the distance sounds a whistle
And we feel anxious

The train moves slowly along the tracks
To arrive so patiently
For we who have so little patience
With a whine and a whoosh
The little train comes to a final stop
Elaina steps down the ramp alone
For she is the train's single passenger
All of us take a moment to grasp the reality
Of seeing each other again
She drops her bags and runs in slow motion
At the same time as Sarah and I.
We meet in silence under the waxing crescent moon
In a triple group hug
Crying the whole time
Crying the entire hug

I open my eyes to realize
That I am crying again
I miss my sisters
I wish they were here
I love them so much
I love them both
So much
So much

This is what it's like
From home so far I am
Although I can't say I know
What home really is
But I guess Denton is home
For now.

Wind rushing
Cars falling behind
As I speed by two hundred hilometers an hour
Driving far, far away
On another delivery
Driving fast, fast again
I just love my little car
But I bet I've said that before
It must be true
So true

I work so hard
For my time
I am only a boy
Trying to accomplish
A man's task
But I'm going to stay young until I die

How can so irresponsible a boy
Manage to have so many responsibilities?
It's a tough life
And I don't know what to do
Somehow I'll survive
If I don't kill myself first
But I won't do it

This nice world
Isn't so nice
So worry
Worry
Alot

Week, Finale

Here all things end
My week at the University
My week at Pizza Hut
My week with girls
My week on Fry Street
Here all things end

I hope that these simple words
Have conveyed my complex emotions
All these tortured days
Have taken their toll
And I will go on
Through another hell
Called the Life of Rob