"...And with all things considered, Mulchedt, I find it hard to believe that
you're even human at all!"
    Mulchedt was silent for a moment, and seemed to consider this statement
for some time.
    "Well, I'm not, sir."
    "Not what?"
    "Human."
    Vaalid looked his companion up and down, and rubbed his eyes in dismay.
"Well, then, what exactly are you?"
    "It would appear, sir..."
    "Yes?"
    "Judging by my reflection..."
    "Yes, yes!"
    "A lizard, sir!"
    Vaalid stood with a blank expression on his face for several moments.  
He knew that Mulchedt had done something very...stupid, but he was at a loss 
for what a suitable punishment would be.
    "I was only doing as you instructed," the lizard whined, pathetically
covering its ears, bending its body in acquiescence.
    "Well, you obviously did something wrong!"  He pushed the lizard back
over to the small panel.  "Now do it right!"
    "Please, please, sir, Mr. Vaalid, sir....  The master specifically told
us not to touch it!"
    "We have to protect the master's valuables while he's away, don't we?"
    "That's what we're here for."
    "I'm not going to stay here forever.  I've got to get out an see the
world!  This castle is driving me bats!
    "When the master returns..."
    "Before then!  It could be months before He gets back, and I'm not going
to stay cooped up in this drafty place the entire time, and I wouldn't trust
you to guard anything more valuable than a carrot!  Do you understand how
much those treasures are worth?  How long it took the Master to gather them
up?  How many people He had to kill to make them His?  I must tell you that
you haven't the fingers to count so high!"
    "But His instructions were to never touch the alarm."
    "He just didn't want to worry us.  He didn't want us to think there was
any danger."
    Muldchedt looked down at his scaley body.  "It would appear that the 
only danger is with touching the alarm!"
    "Is that a whiff of insolence I smell on your breath, Mulchedt?"
    The lizard cowered back down, falling, this time, to its knees.  "No,
sir."
    "Then get up and try another number!"
    Mulchedt bolted upright.  "No, sir!"
    "There's only one other number to try.  It shouldn't be too difficult 
for you!"
    "But, sir.  It's too dangerous!"
    "We're just arming the thing, Mulchedt.  It's not like we're trying to
turn it off.  Where's the danger in that."  The expression on Vaalid's face
turned from sweet condescension into an almost inhuman snarl.  "Try another
number!"
    "But we've seen what the danger is!"
    Vaalid's anger became more evident.  "Try another number!"
    "Me!  It turned me into a slimy..."
    Vaalid pushed Mulchedt to the floor.  "Move!" he growled.  "I'll do it
myself!"
    The creature caught Vaalid by the leg.  "But the master--the alarm--
Me!"
    Vaalid stopped.  "Okay, you little runt, I'm going to tell you a story."
    The lizard immediately went to a sitting position, and held its tail in
its lap.
    "Once upon a time I broke into the Master's desk.  What I found there 
was two slips of paper."  Vaalid dug through his pockets and produced two
pieces of brown parchment.  "...On the first were two numbers -- combination 
numbers to be exact -- and on the second was an evaluation of His two
personal guards.  He mentioned no names on this page but by His descriptions
the identities of the guards soon become apparent.
    "To paraphrase, the master thinks of me as a trustworthy companion and, 
I quote, "reminds me of myself", and of you as an incompetent bag of sticks!
So, you see, this would account for your misfortunate accident -- and why 
I'm
not afraid to punch in the second set of numbers."
    He turned to the small panel and began to enter the code.
    "For it would just stand to reason that...."
    With a blinding flash of light, emitted somewhere overhead, Vaalid was
hit, engulfed and subsequently transformed into a neat pile of ash, which
blew away in a magical wind.
    Mulchedt stood glaring at the spot where Vaalid had once stood.  The
man's stupidity was a constant source of amazement to him, as he never 
seemed to be able to figure out why Mulchedt and the Master were never seen
in the same place at the same time.
    Wrinkling up his nose, and waving his arms about in the air, Mulchedt,
entombed briefly in a cloud of dust, emerged as his natural self.
    The Master was reborn.

Return to SFmm | About the Author