Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Woman
1. For you, the telephone becomes a lethal weapon2. You can always get a job in a movie, so long as you're willing to go naked.
3. You know stuff about flower arrangements.
4. It is socially acceptable for you to ask someone else to carry all your bags when you're on vacation.
5. Two words: Soap Opera
6. It is acceptable for you to know everything about your friends' sex lives.
7. You get to team up when using the bathroom and no one thinks you're gay.
8. You can let someone else open all your jars.
9. You can blame water retention every time you put on a pound or two.
10. Dry cleaners and hair cutters look forward to you visiting.
11. You have the power to stop clicking the remote control.
12. Your ass IS a factor in a job interview.
13. You think faking orgasms gives you great potential as an actress.
14. There's no such thing as a beer gut.
15. Twice divorced females do not attack you.
16. You have great arms from lugging around that purse all day.
17. You know how to act like you like football, even though you don't quite get it.
18. You look at going to the bathroom as one of the highlights of an evening out.
19. You can choose whether or not to hyphenate your last name.
20. Making a hotel bed brings you deep inner satisfaction.
21. People are scared to criticize your work for fear of your reaction.
22. You get to eat the food we kill for you.
23. The kitchen, bathrooms, master bedroom, guest rooms and living room are all yours.
24. People don't think you're coming on to them when you do something thoughtful for them.
25. You have the ability to find the serious side in "Caddy Shack 2"
26. You never have to change the oil.
27. You can be "fashionably late" and no one faults you.
28. Getting ready to go somewhere is an event in itself that calls for careful planning and time to perfect.
29. Sex only enhances your reputation.
30. You don't have to buy the wedding rings.
31. "Forgetting to invite" someone to something is one of your best revenge tactics.
32. You can wear see through underwear and people think its cool.
33. Its okay if you take the elevator one floor down
34. Crying gets you out of any stressful situation
35. Hair does not grow out of your ears
36. You don't pull the hairs out of your butt every time you wipe
37. When you are 19 and single, everyone notices you
38. You have the secret power to somehow hold back a fart in public
39. You can bake and people don't think you're gay
40. You think being able to drive and apply makeup should be an Olympic event
41. Three words have the power to get you out of any difficult situation: Pre Menstrual Syndrome
42. You can get any man to do what you want him to by simply threatening to cut off the num nums
43. You can get into a fender bender and people don't question your womanhood
44. Flowers make everything wrong with the world right again.
45. You can know nothing about cars and people don't think you're gay
46. Sex is nothing more than icing on the cake to you
47. You can become instantly famous simply by wearing a white shirt to a water park
48. You have the power to instantly change your mood by the act of buying a new pair of shoes
49. You can whistle without a guy thinking you're doing a bird call
50. Worrying about what people think becomes a sport
51. You are allowed to think foreplay was just the name of an album by Huey Lewis
52. You can accidentally go into the wrong bathroom and be greeted only with admiration
53. You can't get sued for telling a dirty joke
54. Watching construction workers from an office window is considered recreation
55. You are never laughed at for skid marks on your underwear
56. You have an average life span that is four years longer than men
57. You never have to change a flat tire in the rain
58. It empowers you when someone notices that you got your hair cut
59. You can't get thrown in jail when you miss a month of child support
60. Your bathrooms always qualify for Better Homes and Gardens
61. There's no such thing as a mid life crisis
62. You can say that you like to watch Friends and no one thinks you're gay
63. If you don't want to put on a bathing outfit in public, you can just say its not a good time for you to go swimming
64. People don't think anything of it when you choose from one of twelve moods you would like to display at any given moment
65. "The Pill" doesn't cut off your circulation
66. You can ask directions at any gas station and no one thinks you're gay
67. You know at least 20 ways to get a kid to clean their room without beating them
68. You have a valid excuse to leave work if you have a run in your stocking
69. You don't have to mow the lawn
70. You can manage to do a load of laundry without your underwear turning pink
71. You don't have to wear ties.
72. Who foots the bill for the wedding? The FATHER of the bride.
73. You don't have to "jiggle" when you're done using the john
74. You can go without shaving for days at a time and no one notices
75. You don't have to worry about catching any major organs in zippers
76. You have an 80% greater chance of getting out of traffic tickets
77. You can change channels on the television without someone jumping down your throat
78. Getting really turned on doesn't preclude you from standing up in public
79. There's always a movie on Lifetime
80. "Bonding" occurs for you right after the first hello is spoken
81. You can secretly do anything you want at a bridal shower without anyone thinking you did anything besides eat cake
82. You and your dad always get along
83. You don't have to worry when the cashier calls for a price check on tampons when you're standing in line at the checkout
84. You always have the "freshening up" card at your disposal when a situation gets tense
85. If it wasn't for you, AT&T would have gone under years ago
86. You can get into a cat fight and everyone thinks its cool
87. You can't get someone pregnant
88. You can ask members of the same sex how your butt looks and no one thinks you're gay
89. No one thinks anything of it when you don't call a guy the day after the first date
90. Martha Stewart is always on somewhere
91. You never had to miss a sexual opportunity because you couldn't perform
92. You can bump into someone at work at not get sued
93. People don't question your womanhood if you can't get your car to run
94. Shopping somehow makes your life feel complete
95. Size doesn't matter
96. Your children will always adore you, no matter what you do
97. You don't have to worry about getting punched when you cut someone off in traffic
98. If you feel like trapping your husband, there's always the "do I look fat?" test
99. You can follow the story line in Baywatch
100. You can make jokes about men and no one runs away in tears
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