02.11.99
I want to SCREAM!
Ever wonder why some days start out so wonderful and one little thing can fuck it up from there? That was how today went for me. Oh sure, everything was just fine and dandy, rolling with the flow and then it triggered off and this side of me that I don't care for appeared. I am so tense even as I type tonight. Every little incident tha has happened today and this evening just makes my blood boil. I don't show my anger or tension or whatever you want to call it on the outside. But, I feel that I will explode from deep down inside through every inch of my body. I seriously think I need to get back on my medication really soon. So much pressures fall upon my shoulders that I cannot handle nor can I control. I am so tired of having my "off" time spent trying to relieve a horrible headache or trying to relax my legs so the pain can just leave me. Right now, most of my problems are financial, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal (or so I once thought). Yeah, right. Boy was I wrong. It creates too much additional unnecessary stress in my life that I am not able to deal with. I only wonder when this will all end. What do I have to do to relieve the pain? Apparently, I haven't learned to deal with it very well and probably never will.