01.17.99

My Time

Sometimes when I have quiet time to myself, I can't get away from having thoughts jump in and out of my head.  Whether they are hopes, dreams, pasts, fantasies, whatever the case, i usually end of creating or recreating the feelings I have felt or wish to feel.  All pains, joys, sorrows come back full force.   I really don't know why I allow myself to do that.  Sometimes the pain is too strong for me to handle.  Even the happiness I feel brings me down when I return to things going on in my life.  There is never a happy-medium.  I think of myself as such a strange person.  I don't know if I could understand someone like me, if I weren't the way I am.  I often find myself not understanding my views on many things.   I wonder if that has anything with me being a Gemini.   Could be.  I just find myself always having some sort of conflict within.  

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