01.18.99
Not working today gave me a lot of time to think and just let my bones relax an extra day. I've been doing all sorts of thinking lately about my personal needs and wants in life. I've broken that list into 2 parts:
| I Need: | I Want: |
| Happiness | My son to be happy his entire life |
| Serenity | another Jeep |
| to keep my son full of life | to have a neverending supply of Coke |
| to be the best mom possible | new flooring throughout my house |
| someone to love me | a privacy fence in my backyard |
| someone to love | to raise and breed Boxers |
| an annual break from the fast pace of LIFE | to do more drawing |
| to have a job I enjoy | to get more education |
| to express myself | my son's father to get more involved with him |
| ample time to myself | a new pair of shoes |
| to put a coloring in my hair | |
| to work at home | |
| to spend a few hours wandering through the sugarcane fields | |
| live in a log cabin home on the edge of a quiet lake | |
| Sex - everyday of the week | |
| to get rid of the bad memories in my mind and heart | |
| to give all that I can | |
| to go on a safari | |
| to always have a tidy home | |
| to quit smoking | |
| to be more organized | |
| to be able to take off for anywhere anytime | |
| to get rid of my physical pains I constantly suffer from | |
| someone to understand me | |
| a reason to live | |
| a digital camera | |
| to feel the presence of an angel | |
| to have another child | |
My "wants" list is much larger than my "needs" list. And yet when I look at myself and the person I am, I am not one to have so many "wants". But, it is there in black and white and from my own soul is where it emerges.