11.21.98
Motormouth
Another weekend upon me. Another 48 hours of wishing I'd be somewhere else instead of working. Life is one big burn out. It really needs to hurry through its course with me. I'm tired ... physically, mentally, emotionally. Right this minute, it has no promising future for me. I am only here to breath and take up space on this thing we call Earth. Why can't it be more fulfilling to me? People tell me all the time how they value the time spent just being able to "live". I just don't see the point sometimes. Oh geeze, I'm sounding horrible. I don't mean that life isn't worth living. I just wish mine had a value to me. I'm just in one of those "moods" today, I guess. Oh well, like they say ... Life goes on...... I am so glad my day turned out better than it started. Not much, but a little. Some things in life are so discouraging. I was looked down upon last night for having the feelings that I have about life as I see it. Oh well, I'm over that for now. I just have one thing to say about that ... don't pity me because I dislike life. Instead, be happy for me that I am ready to enjoy the life which awaits my death. I just had to get that off my chest without hearing a comeback. I don't like having to defend my feelings with others and would just prefer to leave what I feel ... alone and untouched by others. Much was accomplished today. Although the weather sucked again! I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming holiday week. I feel things just won't happen the way I had hoped. I don't know why. but, something's just not happening within me/him/both. I can't put my finger on it and it's driving me nuts. So, I'll make plans to be with the family and if this should happen to go forward with he and I, then I will wait until then to make a sound decision of how I'm going to handle it. The rest of this night belongs to laboring over the computer ...typing-typing-typing. Only $190 more to make before Monday a.m. I may get there if I buckle down right this minute. So that's what I'll try to get accomplished in the next 24 hours.